Dp best friend (female)

[bellalou1234]

Hello,
Aibu, when I met my dp he was close to his female best friend, they would go out together shopping meals ect. I was always fine with this.

We sometimes used to go out as a foursome with her dh. We all used to get on ok, although sometimes the conversation would be for them to reminisce about what they had been up too.

I never thought much about it, but my friend who was her best friend until they had a fall out has told me they used to be sleeping together before we met. I'm devastated I had no idea, he has lied to me when I've asked him if there has ever been anything.

To make matters worse everyone has known, her dp, friends we have in common. I feel like a joke.

Aibu to be upset?

Oh, he spends his annual leave catching up with her, too? C'mon, OP, the writing's on the wall.

I would not be impressed. My partner has slept with one of my best friends. Months before we got together ourselves. I got with him knowing this and I couldn't care less as they were never together officially and were not compatible anyway but if I'd found out long after we'd been an item I'd be annoyed about the fact that none of them thought to tell me. I'd feel like I'd be the butt of someone's joke.

He's lied. That's the issue. Such an unnecessary lie too as he's made it look like a bigger deal than it probably was by lying and being so protective over her. Which shows where his loyalties lie, and it's not with you

I wouldn't trust either one of them.....

No way would I tolerate this shite. He spends hours on the phone to her and sees her when he has a day off. Can never hear a word against her? Comes round to your house when you're out? And it's all a big secret that she's an ex?

Fuck that. I would leave them to it.

I've slept with a few of my close friends, and had long term relationships with a couple. I go on holiday with some of them, sometimes as a group without my partner, etc. I don't know if he knows which ones I've slept with, although he knows which are long term exes. If he wanted to know I would happily tell him though. I can't remember what any of them look like naked and have no interest in seeing them naked again, and he doesn't seem to care about our past. But I have NEVER lied or hidden anything. And that seems to be the issue here.

On the other hand, my partners best friends are female and I've never asked him if he's slept with any of them. I don't care.

You can make a huge deal of this and end your marriage as the ltb crew would advise - where marriages can/should end at the first sign of less than perfect behaviour. Because to forgive is a sign of weakness guaranteed to lead to a life of being lied to... Did I miss where the OP and her BF got married?

MrsTerryPratchett as the OP uses the term DP and DH interchangeably

sometimes used to go out as a foursome with her dh.
To make matters worse everyone has known, her dp,
and has mentioned moving in with her 'dp' . We do not know if she is married or not. However for the sake of this particular issue being married or not is irrelevant. It's a question of whether the deception is serious enough to warrant ending the relationship. Be that a marriage or a long term live together relationship.

Kittensinmydinner1, aren't those quotes about the female friend's DH/OP? I got the impression OP wasn't married but it's irrelevant.

Nobody is laughing at you OP and you're not a mug for trusting a man you expect to be honest with you. He's a slimeball. Eurgh.

My ex didn't care if I was still in touch/met up with friends I'd slept with in the past but he was still aware of the fact it happened. My current OH feels it's inappropriate for us to have contact with exes or past flings and I don't disagree so I don't. But I'd never ever dream of lying to him to carry on a relationship with someone that he'd be unhappy with. If it was that important to me I'd make it clear that was what was gonna happen then he can decide if he wants to stay with me under those circumstances or not.

He clearly puts himself and her above you and thinks it's okay to lie to carry on seeing this friend. Disgusting behaviour. I abhor lying in a relationship. You spend most of your time with this person, share fluids, fall asleep next to them, share finances, Take care of each other when you're poorly, and trust them not to be deliberately cruel to you. When they can lie to your face about one thing it shows poor boundaries and low respect and that will come out later on in other ways too.

OP you can do better.

Yes they are comments about the friend and her husband but it's the OP writing and the OP uses the two terms interchangeably calling the friends spouse both her DH & DP.
Therefore when she refers to her own DP who could equally be a DH.