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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In saying luck plays a part in someone's fortune in life?

77 replies

Sienna333 · 04/09/2017 22:44

My colleague thinks I am wrong but I do think that some people don't have to 'work' at finding a soulmate, good friends and having kids and that it just sort of 'happens' for them. AIBU?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2017 22:48

YANBU.

I work hard and try to be nice but the opportunities I've been given wouldn't have been the same had I been born in a war-torn country or to parents who didn't want me and couldn't give me a decent childhood. A safe place to grow up, with people who love you, a chance to learn, good healthcare, health and fertility all play a massive part in being able to develop into the person you want to be. It's not impossible without those but they don't have help!

Cakedoesntjudge · 04/09/2017 22:49

I think, for the most part, luck comes and goes. Having said that, I've met people before that are miraculously unlucky and vice versa. The ones I know that have been luckiest are some of the most positive people I have ever met and there's just something about them that makes you want to smile. I don't know if that's the result of being so lucky or if it's what makes them luckier.

However, I have always maintained that you never know what's going on behind closed doors and most people go through 'unlucky' phases at some point or another.

TolpuddleFarterOATB · 04/09/2017 22:54

I'm a believer that you make your own luck (to some extent) if you live in the western world. The opportunities are there for the taking, apart from the ones that rely on biological factors.

Original poster
Sienna333 · 04/09/2017 23:01

I guess I can see it from the point of myself really struggling to find a decent man where as a lot of my friends/coworkers found theirs easily with no effort. I am not even looking for a man now but it just irritated me how colleague said anybody can marry, have kids and great friends and it's just about getting out there. Fair enough but she has never had to do that so it's a bit rich to come out with that.

OP posts:
Caprianna · 04/09/2017 23:03

Luck plays a huge part. Be at the right place at the right time...

Peanutbuttercheese · 04/09/2017 23:05

So how did your colleague meet her partner and did she kiss a few frogs on the way? sometimes we think we know the story but we don't.

HolyFuckBatman · 04/09/2017 23:07

Of course it does.

It start from the very beginning with who you're born to. Even in the western world if you're born to a family where your parents work all hours just to keep you fed your life is going to be hard.

You won't meet the right people and have the opportunities for things to fall in to your lap.

MrsOverTheRoad · 04/09/2017 23:10

I think you make your own luck. I really do. If you lead a positive life where you're nice to people and helpful AND push yourself, then your luck will change.

I recently got a very nice job offer..it was from a person who I'd met in the past and helped out. She thought of me because of the way I'd helped her out.

Similarly, I was recently in the position where I needed to find and commission a number of artists. I thought of one woman...then a few days later, she did something quite selfish and bad mannered and I mentally crossed her off my list.

upperlimit · 04/09/2017 23:12

YANBU.

I think anyone who thinks otherwise suffers from a lack of imagination or is willfully dense.

Original poster
Sienna333 · 04/09/2017 23:13

No, this was her 1st partner. Most of my friends/social circle have married their childhood sweethearts.
See, I consider myself a good and kind person who gives a lot to others but I am certainly not a lucky person and everything in my life I have had to work for. It's life I guess? We all get dealt different cards in life.
If the theory of being good to others brings you luck, I should be in for acres of it in the coming years!

OP posts:
SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 04/09/2017 23:13

MrsOverTheRoad What about people who can't "make their own luck" because they're born in a third world county in dire poverty or even in rich country but with a severe and debilitating illness?

Graceflorrick · 04/09/2017 23:14

I'm lucky, I've always known. When my DH noticed it, we laughed. When friends started commenting, I realised it's quite unusual.

Having said that though, although my life is pretty great, I have experienced loss and grief.

It all balances in the end.

Camomila · 04/09/2017 23:15

I think it's half and half really...
I mean it's luck if your soulmate walks in to the bar where you are, but it's that made the choice to go out that night when maybe you fancied staying in because it was raining etc...

Or with exams, it's good luck if your favourite topic comes up, but it's still no use if you haven't studied at all...

MrsOverTheRoad · 04/09/2017 23:15

Sunny yes, well...that's really my point. "Luck" doesn't exist.

People who live in dire circumstances don't have much chance to take hold of their own destiny do they.

SonicBoomBoom · 04/09/2017 23:16

YANBU. Luck plays a massive part. Right place, right time, etc.

But you should never mention luck in the presence of self-made (wo)men, OP.

Copperspot · 04/09/2017 23:18

Yanbu

If you have the good luck to be born into a stable loving family, who raise you to believe you can do anything, encourage you, etc you are more likely to be a confident person who has goals in life than someone who had the bad luck to be born into a family who treat them like shit, erode their self confidence and make them believe they are useless so what's the point in trying.

And that's just the basic foundation of your life! Someone who is confident is naturally going to talk to more people, make more connections, have more opportunities to meet and interact with people than someone who hides in the corner because they don't feel a part of things / have zero confidence.

Original poster
Sienna333 · 04/09/2017 23:25

Yes, Copperspot. I agree with you. My mother was/is a difficult character who eroded my self esteem telling me I lacked common sense, that I wasn't as bright as my brother, criticised my body a lot when growing up etc. I am not trying to sound like a victim but the more I explore this the more I see how people in your life growing up makes such a difference.

OP posts:
KinkyFruits · 04/09/2017 23:35

I've worked my ass off for what I have. Truly. But it would be downright idiotic if I didn't acknowledge how incredibly fortunate I've been in being born to a supportive, financially comfortable family and given tons of opportunities to succeed. Without that there's no way I would have built the career that I have. And of course I was lucky to meet a wonderful man at a young(ish) age and conceive healthy, well-adjusted children. We've been pretty lucky financially too. I count my blessings every single day.

I don't pretend that I got all of this by being a nice person or even deserving it more than anyone else. I'm nice enough but I'm no saint, and many people work harder than I do. If I said "I made my own luck" that would be like saying I deserve this more than other people, and I simply don't think that's true.

Still, OP, there's two sides to every coin. From what it says in my first paragraph you might think I live a charmed life. But I left out the health problems, chronic pain, early bereavement, serious family issues, and struggles with my weight and self-esteem that often make me feel incredibly unlucky. You feel hard done by in that you haven't met a good partner yet, but I'd be willing to bet a lot of people would look at your life and consider you lucky in a lot of ways. Just the fact that this is one of your main worries means you aren't currently hungry, homeless, in danger, being abused, etc. That makes you a lot luckier than a lot of other people. We ALL have our struggles. Everything's relative.

But yes, of course luck/chance plays an enormous part in everyone's destiny.

toffee1000 · 04/09/2017 23:44

I dunno if you necessarily make your own life wrt jobs/relationships. You could be really well qualified, have prepped well for the interview but miss out on a job. You could try and pursue someone you fancy but if they don't fancy you back, then they don't fancy you and that's that. Putting yourself out there does get you further than not bothering at all, but it takes two to tango.

Ttbb · 04/09/2017 23:50

A very very tiny bit. Let's put it this way, some people have the good luck of meeting the right one on the first go while other people spend years looking but if you are a snarky cow with nothing to reccomend you no one will ever want you no matter how lucky you get.

expatinscotland · 04/09/2017 23:51

YANBU

Ratbagcatbag · 04/09/2017 23:51

You see copper I slightly disagree. I was in the abusivd household, my brother was golden child and I was classic scapegoat and told every day I'd be nothing. My confidence was battered, but I had a defiant streak a mile wide. I was determined to take every opportunity and damn well ram every mean thing they'd said down their throats. And do you know what. I did. Ironically my brother who got the easier life once told me he felt he never had to work hard as he'd get it all. Where as I had to to prove them wrong. I'm not sure it was luck. I think I just made use of connections, worked hard, pushed myself and beat the bloody lot of them. :)

MeMeMeMe123 · 04/09/2017 23:56

I thInk you are right OP...I've had dreadful luck over the years in terms of money, career and intimate relationships.

I'm kind, thoughtful, respectful, intelligent, funny, a good friend and a dedicated mother. I perceive it that so much in life is right place, right time in addition to access to opportunities, logistics re accessing them and options for consolidation.

Choices, I suppose?

What I do lack though, is enough esteem and self-worth to truly believe in myself and give 'luck' a helping hand.

GrockleBocs · 04/09/2017 23:59

Oh fgs of course luck plays a huge part. Being able to get on the housing ladder just before the market went mad was good luck. Having a chronic illness is bad luck. I made good decisions that have mitigated that luck.

TheCatOfAthenry · 05/09/2017 00:01

YANBU.

I've been lucky in many ways. As a person I'm nothing out of the ordinary, but I'm reasonably ok. I try hard. So do many others, and many haven't had the same fortune I have.

I was born with the genes and in the right environment to do well in school and eventually qualify as a doctor. I met a lovely man when I was training.

My job is satisfying and it pays the bills.

I live somewhere lovely because I checked the paper one day and saw a place.

I treat people kindly. So do many others. It's worked for me, but many others get treated as a doormat.

I'm nothing special. But I have had a few strokes of luck.

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