In saying luck plays a part in someone's fortune in life?

[Sienna333]

My colleague thinks I am wrong but I do think that some people don't have to 'work' at finding a soulmate, good friends and having kids and that it just sort of 'happens' for them. AIBU?

I do agree with 90/10 or 80/20 part.
Also that in the UK most of us are in top % of privileged compared to the rest of the world.
I come from loving parents who took an interest in my education. I also chose to save to go travelling before Uni.

A lot was given to me. A lot I made happen. A lot was a bit of both.

Luck of birth is a big part of it. Who/what was a person born into, what privileges/disadvantages come with that.

I recall some research into luck (but wouldn't be able find link, I shouldn't think) where the life chances and degree of good and bad 'luck' were compared against attitude and outcomes. They discovered most people have much the same degree of 'luck' but what mattered was how people perceived themselves in relation to luck. Those who considered themselves lucky did far better in work, relationships, finances than those who dwelled on the bad luck and blamed difficulties on things outside their control.

Optimism, hard work, sunny disposition, determination and emotional intelligence are what lots of people call luck.

I think luck can play a part

I think my brother is unlucky , i am lucky

And i dont mean in winning terms, just in life

Yanbu.

Poor health and external events can put a spanner in the works.

I would like to see the evidence of any study that says most people have the same degree of luck. That seems extraordinary, considering the wide ranges in things like: general intelligence and learning capacity, early life and parenting, raw physical ability, economic starting position, inherited wealth, access to education, access to civil society full stop (ie being born in a country with rule of law, civil liberties, human rights etc). My first thought is to think it's very unlikely, but I would be really interested to see the research.

In life there are things we can control, things we can't control, and things we can mitigate. We can choose to be positive, work hard, and be proactive in making the most of creating or taking up opportunities. Shit will happen to everyone at some point, sometimes you can seek the silver linings in what is otherwise a crap situation.

We are not all born with equal opportunities, be it with genes, health, upbringing and education, so some people will start life with more advantages than others.

People's lives will be shaped by their choices and external circumstances. Some part of that is luck.

Agree with Zoloh.

Perhaps it was different for the majority of people growing up in NI in the 80's and 90's.

Still today, its murderously difficult to be successful in eg public sector because its bloated, noone leaves, ergo few vacancies created.

Throw in a recession, pay and recruitment freezes, it could be argued that 'luck' remains, in career terms, with those who were in before the doors closed.

As for lifestyle - again, said recession walloped NI. Its not so easy to pick up and move countries if you are in negative equity. or in my case if 'D'H refused to discuss it

Is that bad luck, bad choices? Was choosing the wrong man to be my husband bad luck or bad decision making?

I think luck is a broad term anyway and as such, very personal...

I also remember some program where there said the people who perceived themselves as lucky actually created their own opportunities by having the ability to see things that the 'unluckiest' people didn't. So it basically bore out that you create your own luck.

YANBU. As others said you can make the most of your opportunities but to believe that luck and random events dont't play a part is a delusion - the 'just world' bias as TheCatOfAthenry says.

Mrsovertheroad a person could be travelling to a new job she/he was offered because they were a nice person and remembered by someone else; great... but then on the way involved in a serious car crash leaving them with life changing injuries that mean amongst other things they will never be able to take up that great job... If we apply the same logic you use of 'making your own luck', does the person 'own' the decisions that led to that journey as of their own doing - are they then responsible for making their bad luck too? Or is it that good luck is to our credit and ego boost, and bad luck always something to do with something or someone else?! What a double standard!

Many people would likely absolve themselves of any blame in this scenario to maintain their sanity - it was someone else's fault - I didn't deserve it. Except that many turn this biased view on to other people and apply different rules; judging that others (strangers outside their bubble) haven't experienced random bad luck, but have in fact brought it on themselves - that somehow they did deserve it. That is the bias and distorted logic.

I think many people who are happy and postive underestimate the amount of luck they have had - or rather underestimate the positive effects of having had less bad luck than some other people.

As with Zoloh's experience [flowers to you both - You can sometimes choose how to perceive the events that we experience and/ or can work on that perception/ interpretation, but you rarely get the same choice in stopping the events ever happening in the first place.

YANBU, luck plays a massive part. We're all privileged through accidents of birth; being born in a first-world country (or being able to live here now, for those who weren't born here) is lucky in itself.

Then there are degrees of luck for those who were born here. You can be born into a family with a lot of money, or a family with a strong work ethic, or one with a heavy emphasis on education. You can also be born into a family that is struggling financially, or one that doesn't value education etc. These aren't mutually exclusive - I grew up in a very low-income family, but one with a very strong work ethic and big emphasis on education. That's all luck; you can't choose the family you're born into, but it has a massive impact on your outcome.

Hard work plays a part, but some people have a headstart on others. Luck continues to affect people throughout life; as others have said - you can get on the housing ladder at the right time, or you can develop an illness at the worst possible time. You could be hugely lucky and win the lottery on your first try, or play it every week for your entire adult life and never win so much as £5; that's luck too.

Obviously hard work, individual personalities and determination plays a part, but it's daft to suggest that luck plays no part in our lives, or that we "make our own luck". That rhetoric seems to be along the same lines of "if you worked harder, you could earn as much money as I do", which ignores the fact that some of society's hardest workers are on the lowest pay.

A bit of luck helps.
As well as the ability to recognise an opportunity and take it. You actually have to want it.
I know a few people who had loads of great opportunities ripe for the taking, but didn't take them or messed them up by not putting in the effort.
Depends if you have learned from not capitalising on them and are lucky enough to get more come along.
Some people do seem to land on their feet whatever choices they make.

I think luck plays a small part, but you have to work with the hand you are dealt.
There's a hell of a lot of things that you cannot change and some people put so much energy into lamenting their "terrible luck" that they never manage to pull themselves out.
On paper I had a bloody terrible start in life. My partner also died. Both things that could have been put down to bad luck. I will not allow life won't beat me though. I'm happy with my lot and make the most of it.
I think a fair amount of "Bad luck" can also just be envy at what others are perceived to have been handed by life. Social media and keeping up with the Jones's can make your life seem inadequate, when it's really not.
Being born into a third world, drought ridden country is an entirely different ball game though.

I find this quite interesting along these lines

digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/

It boils down to what you consider luck because it sounds like you think you should be entitled to x, and z because you are nice. News flash, there are lots of good people on this planet who have considerably less than what you have and compared to them, your life is blessed.

Comparison is the thief of joy and focussing on what you're 'missing' ,distracts you from appreciating what you have.

'finding a good man' isn't

Of course, "luck" plays a part, but we can also put ourselves in a more favourable position with or without "luck". We can make changes, do things, etc to improve our "luck".

There'll be some people who've done nothing to help themselves at all but have sailed through life on a wave of luck.

There'll be others who've tried their best, worked hard, etc., but have been blighted by bad luck and struggled every step of the way.

In the middle, the vast majority will have a mix of good and bad luck. Some will take the initiative, seize the moment when luck is on their side and do all they can to improve their "luck". Others won't do the "right" things, not notice or not take advantage of the "lucky" moments, etc.

Personally, I feel it's far more down to the individual in most cases rather than whether they are arbitrarily lucky or not.

The "Serenity prayer":-

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference

Of course luck plays a part and anyone who says otherwise is extraordinarily arrogant.

I don't think I am entitled to anything Isetan. I was just replying to another poster who said that being nice and kind brings you luck. That's so far from the truth in my experiences. So is the saying "You get back the good you put into the world. ' again, doesn't apply to my life. I have worked hard in life and been good to people but have had extraordinarily bad experiences with people and would never be described as successful or lucky in life and love. It's life I guess and I know I am lucky to have my physical health and a job. I also think being unlucky has given me a hefty dose of resilience.

richardwiseman.com/resources/The_Luck_Factor.pdf

www.popsci.com/luck-real

www.stat.berkeley.edu/~aldous/157/Papers/darke.pdf

Not thevresearch I was talking about but interesting.

Someone once said it's about being open to taking a chance when it's around.
But in reality yes I do think some people lead a charmed life.

'Born under a bad sign' is my song! "Lord if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all".

That's how it feels, anyway.

There's a quote "chance favours the prepared mind" which resonates with me. You do have to be receptive to your luck and prepared to take chances to improve things.

That said, it's hard not to look at someone with huge inherited wealth and the life of Riley and think "lucky bastard"

Successful people underestimate the role of luck. There's a great public lecture on this from the LSE:
www.lse.ac.uk/website-archive/newsAndMedia/videoAndAudio/channels/publicLecturesAndEvents/player.aspx?id=3669

The journey is what's important, good or bad. Not the luck.