To think my friend is a fool

[Poshindevon]

Eighteen months ago a friend divorced her husband of fifteen years (no children) She was 45 and she ran off with a 20 year old from another country. They married in October 2016 and he entered the UK on a visa end November 2016.
I was one of a handful of people who knew what she was doing and we all begged her not to marry him. Her parents wanted nothing to do with him and friends dropped her .
No one she knew went to the wedding.
Within days of the wedding she was abused but still bought him to the UK.
The marriage has been a huge disaster. He lies , does not work in UK or home country abused and controlled my friend. She was constantly asking me what to do for the best. She is in now in debt and was very unhappy so when he went home on a holiday. She asked the Home Office to cancel his visa which they did.
However she did not tell him his visa was cancelled so when he arrived at the UK airport he was arrested put in a detention centre and sent back after 2 days to his home country.
Once he was gone life returned to normal with parents, family and even ex husband being a good friend.
I was surprised when she admitted she is still in touch with young husband and feels bad for ruining his life ! She believes he never had time to adapt to our culture! She has a selective memory when it comes to the bruises after the beatings and the sexual demands and the controlling behaviour. He called and messaged her 11 times during a 20 minute visit to her mothers telling her to come home. He opened her letters and went through her phone. There were constant violent arguments.
He has been gone since May 2017 and today she said she is going to his country on holiday with a woman friend who has a villa there.
I was shocked. She claims she will not visit toy boy I dont believe her
My friend has some mental health issues (which she is aware of) and her family and I have begged her to see a doctor for treatment
She is also physically disabled.
I am very worried about her going to this country to see her toyboy she does not understand that anything can happen to her in this country where she cannot speak the language and her husband and family could wreak revenge on her.
Frankly I want to walk away and have nothing more to do with her as nothing I say gets through. I am the only friend who knows what shes up to
As she says herself when she gets an idea in her head she just acts upon it.

Have you told her that as her only friend who cares about her you want her not to go for the reasons a lot of us are stating?

I find it odd that if she also has anxiety she's not anxious enough about going to a country where she has less rights to see an abusive ex.

Have you told her how ridiculous you think the whole thing is and it's actually putting your friendship under strain?

A word of caution for you. Even if she phones you from whatever country it is, completely in the shit, the embassy will not intervene and that it will be a matter for the local police to sort out anything as they see fit within their law? (Or not as the case may be)

Trolls you seem to think foreign nationals have some sort of magic shield from the laws of some of these shit holes. They don't.

I really do think you should try to have her sectioned, it'll probably ruin your relationship but I doubt you'd ever forgive yourself if she doesn't come back.

I tried to get my ex sectioned. He's medically diagnosed with severe bipolar, he's having evidenced delusions and hallucinations surrounding around me sleeping with his friends which are making him seriously assault numerous people, and harass and threaten me. Plus he's addicted to crack cocaine. The MH services and the police say if he can't see he's ill and he's not willing to engage then there's nothing they can do. the system is fucked and there's no way you can get your friend sectioned on the basis of what you've said.

Saying that, it is incredibly sad. She must have extreme self esteem issues. Try to feel sad for her, instead of angry. Abuse is a funny old thing. Show unwavering support and love. That's all you can do.

I don't think she is silly( as someone said), I think she is the victim of control.

It is horrible being in her situation. If you can possibly give her the details of Women's Aid which is a charity which helps abused women , you may hope she will speak to them.

OP seriously - could you visit her and find and hide her passport?
Drastic action called for I believe.

One perhaps good thing.... if she's already cancelled one spouse visa, I'd think it very unlikely she'd get another...

OP there's nothing you can do accept suggest that she's still in the cycle of abuse and see if she wants it to end.

A distant friend gave up her marriage and relationship with her Adult children, as well as wider family/friends, for a 22 year old. He came back and forward to the UK and she started to not trust him. He went back home and she stupidly went over to see him. This was after just re-starting contact with her children.

He set up for her to be raped, so he could threaten her with Prison, or to buy her way out. Whilst she was being raped there were his family members, Women as well as Men, who ignored it all. He could see that the Gravy train was coming to an end when people were coming back into her life. Personally I think he had the plan to kill her, or do what he did, all along. He didn't seem to want to settle in the UK.

She's a broken Woman. Her and her ex DH have lost everything they built, he's developed a drink problem, her children can't forgive her and friends find the whole thing too difficult.

She isn't the only one that I know and I've learned that holding a British pp means nothing, it's having the means to pay trouble to go away, that counts, but there's the effect of that trouble that stays with you forever.

Could you offer to drive her to the airport & then be purposely late so she misses her flight? grasping at straws

Or drag her to a solicitor who can explain the seriousness of her situation particularly in regards to the cancelled passport. I'd approach it from that angle, she needs to hear it from someone else how near on impossible it is to get another visa after one's been cancelled.

You also need to tell her and as many people as possible that you fear for her life. Is she under the care of a professional for her mental health issues?

Why do people do this to themselves?!

Birdsgottaffy. That is just awful

OP - I hope you can make your friend see sense. Maybe show her this thread

If this was my friend, I would be talking to her doctor about what could be done. She has a serious mental health problem and is putting herself in massive danger by going over there. Does anyone really think he would let her return?

Making stupid decisions is not evidence of lacking capacity.

Is she in contact with secondary mental health services? If you know she is under a Community Mental Health Team you could let them know you are concerned about her mental health, they obviously can't tell you anything.

Tbh unless she is extremely mentally unwell and a direct risk to herself or others you're unlikely to prevent her leaving the country using that route.

Did she go in the end?