Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not eat? Or eat in my own way?

74 replies

Moomoomango · 04/09/2017 06:06

Hi all - I've recently gone sugar and refined carb free (no bread, pasta, wheat etc) and generally quite carb low (about 60g a day). The first few weeks were horrendous but I knew I had to beat my sugar addiction at 23 stone. I now feeling amazing - no cravings for sugar or carbs at all and heaps of energy and I've lost 2 stone in 5 weeks.

Naturallly I don't want to allow the white stuff back into my life, like an alcoholic or drug addict my addiction was pretty severe. I've lost 2 teeth ( luckily towards back, loads of fillings and morbidly obese).

Anyway, my best friend is getting married at Christmas. Myself and her other bridesmaid have planned the hen do And I think I can pretty much get away with sugar free low carb as eating in restaurants tends to be ok - ordering steak or chicken with veg or a salad without dressing etc. I'll have to faux drink too. Which I'm fine with - I'm not fond of alcohol.

But now the bride has organised an afternoon tea the weekend before the hen do in a posh posh restaurant. Naturally I want to be there for my friend, enjoy celebrating but I dread eating sandwiches and cakes as I'm worried once I get the sugar drug back in my system I'll fall off the wagon. I know for many this may feel extreme but I'm finally getting hold of my addiction and don't want to be stopped in my tracks.

So I've agreed to afternoon tea, and it's pay your own so I'm not worried about wasting anyone's money but my own. But would it be ok to just drink tea when everyone else is enjoying sandwiches and cakes? I do not want to be a party pooper but I've put other peoples wants & needs first for years and it's done me no favours. I absolutely do not want to eat sugar, it'll throw me off track of the one thing that's no1 priority in my life for the social acceptance of others.

Aibu to perhaps tell the bride in advance and make up some story about being gluten free?

OP posts:

Natsku · 04/09/2017 06:10

I wouldn't make up something about being gluten free as she might then ask if GF sandwiches and cakes can be provided at the afternoon tea and then you'd feel pretty compelled to eat them. Much better to be honest and say that you are on a special diet so you are sorry you can't partake in the cakes but you'd love to drink tea and chatter with them.

MaggieSimpson44 · 04/09/2017 06:13

Just be honest. I can't eat those things but I'm happy to join you and drink tea. As long as you're not making a song and dance about it on the day, I doubt whether they'll pay much attention.

awifeyforlifey · 04/09/2017 06:15

YANBU. Many people have dietary restrictions, and yours are no less valid than someone with an allergy. Order your tea and enjoy it. If you simply feel uncomfortable and would prefer to order something, maybe they serve a salad that suits your needs. Often, you can call ahead to arrange this if you choose. But you are absolutely fine to order nothing at all, as the bride will just want to see you and spend time with you! Go and have fun!

MissBabbs · 04/09/2017 06:16

Phone restaurant and see if there is anything suitable on their menu

hana32 · 04/09/2017 06:17

YANBU. Just explain to her in advance.

And well done you! That's some serious willpower.

Skinnydecafflatte · 04/09/2017 06:20

That's a good idea awifeyforlifey. Yes phone ahead and see if they'll make you something slightly different like a salad.
If you don't feel comfortable then don't go, you're going to the hen and wedding anyway.

flumpybear · 04/09/2017 06:21

We'll done you! I remember doing the Atkins diet many years ago which had similar effects but found it hard to maintain but it did have good results

Personally I wouldn't make excuses, I'd just say I'm committed a strict diet and I can't ingest any carbs or sugars in that format, so just let me get On with it,

I'm a real hater of people just saying 'oh go on, don't be a party pooper' etc because it's not affecting them, it's you being really committed

Just a thought it you could see on their website if they do anything they does suit your eating plan ?

SureJan · 04/09/2017 06:22

Well done on your weight loss so far! No I don't think you would BU not to eat if you really don't want to. Does the bride not know you are dieting? If she does I'm sure she will understand, I bet she will just be glad you are there to celebrate with her!

mistermagpie · 04/09/2017 06:23

I'm sure the venue of the afternoon tea also serves other food. Just explain to whoever you want to know, be honest and order something you will enjoy. I wouldn't mind anybody not eating the afternoon tea food if I was the bride, but I might feel bad if you had to sit and watch others eat. Just order a salad or something else you fancy, it's not a big deal unless you make it one.

Calmanglass · 04/09/2017 06:25

I saw a Man at afternoon tea once being given loads of beautifully arranged fruit instead of the cakes on offer.... maybe ask if that's an option

blueskyred · 04/09/2017 06:27

just tell her the truth before the event.

Travelledtheworld · 04/09/2017 06:28

Cucumber and salmon sandwiches without the bread !

blueskyred · 04/09/2017 06:28

and the posh place may cater for you if given some notice.

blueskyred · 04/09/2017 06:29

you've lost 2 stones and congratulations! they will notice that you are losing weight, so just say it!

BarbaraofSevillle · 04/09/2017 06:29

YANBU. Afternoon tea has to be the biggest carb fests going, with all the scones/cakes as well as sandwiches. It would probably make you feel quite unwell after abstaining for so long. I would see if they can do an alternative as long as you feel comfortable eating a special plate that is very different to the standard offering. What would they make for a diabetic guest unable to eat all those carbs?

SilverOnToast · 04/09/2017 06:30

I've also been in this situation a lot over the past couple of years, mainly because I can't eat sugary floury items without triggering a migraine. People who haven't been through the process of ridding themselves from a sugar addiction don't really get it, and I hear the "Oh you're so good, I could never give up cake" comments a lot.

It's taken me a while to get to this point, because I'm naturally a people pleaser and feel bad if it might look like I'm causing a fuss.
Now I've basically just learned to do my own thing when it comes to food. Having a dietary relapse isn't worth it, and I don't care if everyone else thinks I have food hang ups. I don't! I eat really really well, I just can't eat what has been deemed to be 'celebration' food by the rest of society (i.e. Sugar). We're socially conditioned to place a lot of worth on eating certain foods in company. But at what cost?

Just make sure you've eaten beforehand and just order tea/a drink. And don't feel the need to apologise either - be proud of who you are and the choices you've had to make.

lilydaisyrose · 04/09/2017 06:36

I am doing LCHF too so definitely understand! I'd count myself out of the afternoon tea (don't pay for this bit!) and juat order some nice tea or coffee with cream and chat. I'd also take some nuts or olives or cheese with you to snack on discreetly. Is the issue that you don't want to tell anyone what you're doing?

You are doing brilliantly! We'd love to see you on the LCHF bootcamp threads www.mumsnet.com/Talk/low_carb_bootcamp/3016036-Between-bootcamps-support-thread-Summer17?pg=1&order=

Petalbird · 04/09/2017 06:38

Phone the place. Don't restaurants have to comply to diet requirements if told in advance?

TheMaddHugger · 04/09/2017 06:39

I dont know if you can, but back when I was on a similar diet I was able to make sugar free cottage cheese cheesecakes [its stevia, cottage cheese and an egg then baked] and Meringues
can you see if the restaurant can do this for you ?

PotteringAlong · 04/09/2017 06:51

I'd also take some nuts or olives or cheese with you to snack on discreetly.

Absolutely not. You cannot refuse to pay for the items the restaurant has on offer and then take your own food in!

Nuttynoo · 04/09/2017 06:53

As great as your loss is, a 2 stone loss in 5 weeks due to low carb is probably just water loss. You'll put it straight back on the minute you increase your carb intake even if you continue to eat low calorie. How long can you sustain this? Rest of your life? I think if I were your friend I'd be worried this weight loss wasn't sustainable in the long term.

NerrSnerr · 04/09/2017 06:55

Just tell the truth. Don't lie about being gluten free- that's why people often don't believe those with genuine allergies and intolerances because some people blatantly lie instead if saying it's a choice.

Gooseberrytart4 · 04/09/2017 06:59

It's totally fine. Tell her you'll drink a bucket of tea but won't have cake because of being carb free. All my friends eat differently and it's fine

SendintheArdwolves · 04/09/2017 07:31

Don't restaurants have to comply to diet requirements if told in advance?

I really don't think this is the case. Most restaurants will try to accommodate their customer's requests, but they certainly don't HAVE to.

a 2 stone loss in 5 weeks due to low carb is probably just water loss

Some will be water loss, yes. But I think it's a bit sniffy of you to insist that the OP must have lost over three gallons of water (which is how much water weighs 2 stone) and NO FAT AT ALL. In two weeks of low carb, she will have lost some fat.

youarenotkiddingme · 04/09/2017 07:35

You're her bridesmaid so surely you're close enough for you to just tell her what you've told us?

You should be proud of you - I am and I'm a stranger on the internet

Flip

1 2 3