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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not eat? Or eat in my own way?

74 replies

Moomoomango · 04/09/2017 06:06

Hi all - I've recently gone sugar and refined carb free (no bread, pasta, wheat etc) and generally quite carb low (about 60g a day). The first few weeks were horrendous but I knew I had to beat my sugar addiction at 23 stone. I now feeling amazing - no cravings for sugar or carbs at all and heaps of energy and I've lost 2 stone in 5 weeks.

Naturallly I don't want to allow the white stuff back into my life, like an alcoholic or drug addict my addiction was pretty severe. I've lost 2 teeth ( luckily towards back, loads of fillings and morbidly obese).

Anyway, my best friend is getting married at Christmas. Myself and her other bridesmaid have planned the hen do And I think I can pretty much get away with sugar free low carb as eating in restaurants tends to be ok - ordering steak or chicken with veg or a salad without dressing etc. I'll have to faux drink too. Which I'm fine with - I'm not fond of alcohol.

But now the bride has organised an afternoon tea the weekend before the hen do in a posh posh restaurant. Naturally I want to be there for my friend, enjoy celebrating but I dread eating sandwiches and cakes as I'm worried once I get the sugar drug back in my system I'll fall off the wagon. I know for many this may feel extreme but I'm finally getting hold of my addiction and don't want to be stopped in my tracks.

So I've agreed to afternoon tea, and it's pay your own so I'm not worried about wasting anyone's money but my own. But would it be ok to just drink tea when everyone else is enjoying sandwiches and cakes? I do not want to be a party pooper but I've put other peoples wants & needs first for years and it's done me no favours. I absolutely do not want to eat sugar, it'll throw me off track of the one thing that's no1 priority in my life for the social acceptance of others.

Aibu to perhaps tell the bride in advance and make up some story about being gluten free?

OP posts:

NettleTea · 04/09/2017 08:37

Im on a VLCD and have had to attend a few family things recently - luckily for me they have been buffet BBQ type so Ive just chosen meat and salad. My family know Im GF too, so bought GF sausages and burgers. But I understand not wanting to draw attention to your diet - I didnt want the scrutiny from my mum particularly, so I havent mentioned the diet or what it is (Its slim and save btw)
hopefully it being a hen do will detract from looking at your plate.
Lots of people on low carb DO lose alot initially - yes some is water, but its not ALL water.
well done and keep going. Ive just gone over my halfway mark so Im happy today

Bettydownthehall · 04/09/2017 08:43

I find people tend to be more sympathetic and less pushy if they think it's a diet to lose weight.

Could you say that since you started you now get a terrible tummy ache or headache if you eat carbs? Stops people saying oh go on treat yourself etc.

juneau · 04/09/2017 08:47

I agree - just be honest and up front and have the tea. I've been wheat-free for four years now and if nothing suitable is available for me to eat I don't eat! Your health is more important and I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to risk sabotaging the work you've already done. Plus, being morbidly obese your life is at risk here. That is FAR more important than any tea party!

juneau · 04/09/2017 08:48

*tea as in the drink - not the whole sandwiches, etc.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 04/09/2017 08:53

I also think you're over thinking it. If I went for a high tea and someone wasn't eating it, all I'd think was, great, more for the rest of us!

KingIrving · 04/09/2017 08:56

Be honest and be proud.
Don't lie nor hide.
You are taking your health in your hand and will eat what is suitable or just drink tea if there is nothing sugar free, low carb. Your friends won't mind nor care.
I am vegan, it happens all the time. We go out and I eat differently, but the fun is always there.

Well done OP. Keep going!

Notso · 04/09/2017 08:57

I follow LCHF, SIL had an afternoon tea baby shower. I rang ahead and explained they did me a chicken salad with parmesan croutons. There was a lot of fielding comments and cake pushing from DH's family members, "just eat one" "have half" "you've got to treat yourself" but I was pleased I stuck to my guns.

MyOtherProfile · 04/09/2017 09:02

Well done OP you're doing really well!

But is this really an afternoon tea the weekend before the hen do? Is this a thing now? In my day I had one night of hen stuff.

Outlookmainlyfair · 04/09/2017 09:12

Congratulations! You are an inspiration. Go for it, and enjoy your success.

onceandneveragain · 04/09/2017 09:28

Another option could be to say you've had a bad stomach/feel ill on the day so will just stick to tea to be safe? That way nobody will be pressuring you to eat.

GinandGingerBeer · 04/09/2017 09:35

Well done OP!
That's a fabulous achievement. If you really wanted a health related excuse re the carbs you could say you'd cut them due being at high risk of developing type 2 so you're cutting them out.
You shouldn't have to, I know but christ, I gave up alcohol and the pressure was emmense. I did 5:2 and lost 3 stone, again, people constantly gave me their opinion on how I was starving myself etc etc.
(I am 9stone, and haven't put it back on in 4 years)
So I know you shouldn't have to make something up but other people just think it's their right to voice, it's not, and having something to take the focus off and shut em up!
Anyway you will minimise your risk of developing type 2 by going low carb. You sound really motivated. Well done 👍

pringlecat · 04/09/2017 09:38

You're a bridesmaid. Presumably you've seen the bride recently, so she has seen with her own eyes the size you were and the size you were now? You can't not notice such an impressive loss.

You're not trying to lose a few pounds to look slightly better in a dress. You're looking to lose a lot of weight to drastically improve the quality of your life. The hens might think you riduculous for opting out of the treats if you were in that first category, but given how far you've come and how far you will go, I would be surprised if any of them were not hugely supportive and curious to discuss how you've done it so far.

Do consider asking the restaurant if there is something you can eat that falls within your plan. It will be better if you are eating something, even if it's very small and/or obviously different. Socially, it can be difficult if not everyone is eating/drinking something at the same time.

SaucyJack · 04/09/2017 09:39

Just be honest and say you're low-carbing, and order a nice chicken/salmon/cheese salad or summat. Personally, I think you'll enjoy the occasion more if you have something tasty in front of you.

At the size you were, and at the rate you're losing weight, it'll will be perfectly clear to anyone that you're on a diet that's working for you and is necessary for your health.

She's your best mate. She'll only be happy for you that you've made positive changes to your lifestyle.

LespritDescalier · 04/09/2017 09:40

Don't restaurants have to comply to diet requirements if told in advance?

Of course they do not! i can't imagine how you could have thought so?

Ttbb · 04/09/2017 09:41

Just say that you aren't feeling very well and stick to tea. Well done on beating the sugar lust. It's really hard (struggling myself). Anyone who has been in your position would be supportive. Well done and keep st it!

FlyingElbows · 04/09/2017 09:44

Don't try and invent stories or excuses, just be honest and proud of yourself. I'm 3.5 stone of water down since January and I'm not apologising to anyone for it! I'm not low carbing I'm SW but we're all heading in the same direction. You take those smaller jeans and the happy sense of achievement you've got and you keep going. There's always some "well you'll just put it all back on" bitter naysayer hanging round but ignore them. People who derive joy from wanting other people to fail and suffer need to have a word with themselves.

Tell your friend the truth and if she's a proper friend she'll have your back. She'll probably try and fat feed you scones anyway but she'll accept your reasons for saying no. You'll feel physically shit if you eat them anyway. Don't overthink it, just breeze it off and have a lovely time

jonsnowsbuttocks · 04/09/2017 10:03

Stick to your guns but be aware there will be no end of the guilt tripping through out your diet choices even when you get to your goal and beyond. Some people just don't understand. Its good to put it to them in the same way as trying to force an ex alcoholic to drink most people wouldn't dream of it.

SeamusMacDubh · 04/09/2017 15:42

Well done on your weight loss OP! It's not going to be only water either, that's just ridiculous. The OP had a lot of weight to lose at the beginning of her diet change journey and so losing 2 stone over five weeks isn't unbelievable or unrealistic, the more you have to lose, the quicker it falls off in the beginning. It'll be the last few stone that are the hardest.

Good on you for wanting to stick to your plan as well, I'd definitely still go but would order a pot of tea/coffee and a salad or something along those lines. As a PP said, if you were an alcoholic, no one would force you to drink, so they should respect that you don't want to eat sugar and that you aren't going to.

blitherinidiot · 04/09/2017 15:54

Hi Moomoomango
I feel your pain and hope you can take heart from some of the very good suggestions on this thread.

And very well done to have lost 2st - you would have worked so hard and quite rightly do not want to risk any set backs to progress.

I have just read a most brilliant book which I think may help you with your quest - called 'Brain over Binge' by Kathryn Hensen. Absolute eye opener for anyone who has ever binge eaten/ had eating disorders. Give it a go - there is light at the end of the tunnel!

MirabelleTree · 04/09/2017 15:55

Well done, brilliant start. I'd go and if you don't want to have anything different stick to the tea and if there's anything you don't actually like put that on the plate so there's something there.

I've found people get a bit weird about dieting to lose weight and respond better if they think it is for medical reasons so if anyone says anything I'd probably say something like 'Doctors orders , blood sugars and all that, bit of a pain but you know how it is. Whilst I think of it I've been meaning to ask you about ....'

Mulch · 04/09/2017 15:58

Well done, I'd be honest, your friends will be happy for you :)

fuzzyfozzy · 04/09/2017 16:04

Ask for strawberries and cream.

Ohyesiam · 04/09/2017 17:10

You, lady, are a star. Congratulations.

Tell your friend you can't eat that food, but will make up for it in cups of tea!

Yes, it's really important that you stick to it.

I am so in admiration of you .

AntiHop · 04/09/2017 17:38

Well done op.

I agree that you should call the restaurant. They might be able to make you an omelette.

I lost quite a lot of weight with low carb. I only kept it super strict for about a few months. After that, I had the odd day off and these days I don't do it every day. I maintained my weight loss like that but plateaued.

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