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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not eat? Or eat in my own way?

74 replies

Moomoomango · 04/09/2017 06:06

Hi all - I've recently gone sugar and refined carb free (no bread, pasta, wheat etc) and generally quite carb low (about 60g a day). The first few weeks were horrendous but I knew I had to beat my sugar addiction at 23 stone. I now feeling amazing - no cravings for sugar or carbs at all and heaps of energy and I've lost 2 stone in 5 weeks.

Naturallly I don't want to allow the white stuff back into my life, like an alcoholic or drug addict my addiction was pretty severe. I've lost 2 teeth ( luckily towards back, loads of fillings and morbidly obese).

Anyway, my best friend is getting married at Christmas. Myself and her other bridesmaid have planned the hen do And I think I can pretty much get away with sugar free low carb as eating in restaurants tends to be ok - ordering steak or chicken with veg or a salad without dressing etc. I'll have to faux drink too. Which I'm fine with - I'm not fond of alcohol.

But now the bride has organised an afternoon tea the weekend before the hen do in a posh posh restaurant. Naturally I want to be there for my friend, enjoy celebrating but I dread eating sandwiches and cakes as I'm worried once I get the sugar drug back in my system I'll fall off the wagon. I know for many this may feel extreme but I'm finally getting hold of my addiction and don't want to be stopped in my tracks.

So I've agreed to afternoon tea, and it's pay your own so I'm not worried about wasting anyone's money but my own. But would it be ok to just drink tea when everyone else is enjoying sandwiches and cakes? I do not want to be a party pooper but I've put other peoples wants & needs first for years and it's done me no favours. I absolutely do not want to eat sugar, it'll throw me off track of the one thing that's no1 priority in my life for the social acceptance of others.

Aibu to perhaps tell the bride in advance and make up some story about being gluten free?

OP posts:

Oncandystripedlegs · 04/09/2017 07:36

I went for afternoon tea recently for a friend's birthday. I can only eat low fat foods due to health issues and contacted the restaurant who were happy for me to order a salad and chicken. Nobody else seemed worried about what I was eating!

To be honest , even when I could have eaten it , i found afternoon tea too much and would have preferred the salad

kateandme · 04/09/2017 07:38

lots of places do diff menus for actually allergy sufferers.and because its become more and more common plenty do it.so perhaps you could phone the place and explain.dont be lying though hun.you should be proud and you know your limits.i think some honesty with the restaurant might come across as strength rather than something to piss on.
I would love to say eat a little or oh please don't give it up forever but your not there yet and that got to be ok.
so I might phone or if your worried email the place and just explain that you've been really fighting to get well and do they do any enter requirement menu options.
they all have gluten free breads now. most have to cater for people with lactos or gluten intolerences.
do some research then go to your mate.i wouldn't fib and tell her.if she is a good mate she should understand.
I think it would be worse waiting and then announcing this or you yourself feeling shy and into yourself becaue you are being put in really diffuclt situation.whereas if you sorting it all beforehand they will have it all noted down and itl just come as naturally out there as the other menu items do. then you just nee to tell your hen truth but that you've got it sorted so there is no need for her to have any extra work.
I wouldn't lie though because there some and I say "some" who are fussy jumping on gluten free grain free this free bandwagon just to be picky and fussy and then kicking up a fuss at the table will be awakward.

NearlyEaster · 04/09/2017 07:38

I'd talk to the venue.

Ham rolls filled with cream cheese
Smoked salmon rolled with garlic cream cheese
A few cubes of hard cheese
A few strawberries with extra thick cream

A perfect treat! And if they can't do that, then I'd have no problem asking if I could bring my own.

kateandme · 04/09/2017 07:39

plus if your all mates together having fun what your eating shouldn't even come under scrutiny.i want for your sake for your mates to accept it/you.

NearlyEaster · 04/09/2017 07:40

I also find a latte feels like more of a treat whilst watching others eat desserts. It's quite carby, but not in the scone realm!

MiniCooperLover · 04/09/2017 07:41

NuttyNoo, the OP is working hard to change her life. Rude and condescending comments like that are out of order !!! Well done OP! I was doing low card a while back and went with work to a lovely hotel and when asked they did me a lovely side plate of my own that had slices of ham, smoked salmon and egg salad so I still had plenty to eat but no bread or cakes 👍

indyandlara · 04/09/2017 07:43

Restaurants do not have to accommodate dietary requirements. You can ask but there is no obligation for them to do so. I have a coeliac child and many places cannot cater for her needs at all.

rookiemere · 04/09/2017 07:43

I hate afternoon teas with a vengeance. I avoid sugar and too much carb because it sets my blood sugars racing. I'm sure they'd be happy to do you a salad instead.

PacificDogwod · 04/09/2017 07:45

You are overthinking it.
This is common when a new way of eating is, well, new to you

Just go on the day and have a lovely time.
There will be something you can enjoy - whether it's sandwich fillings without the bread, or going for a slightly less strict version of low carbing for the day, or just telling people "I'm trying to stay off the carbs".

Don't worry about it. You have done so well and there is no reason why one day would derail you.

AdalindSchade · 04/09/2017 07:47

nutty 2 stone of water? I don't think so.

minnieproblems · 04/09/2017 07:49

I am doing the Cambridge weight plan and have lost almost 2 stone. I sympathise. People are very pushy when it comes to food and eating. I think when doing something like this you simply have to be a bit selfish.

lightcola · 04/09/2017 07:49

If you were a wheat intolerant diabetic no one would bat an eyelid. If you were a recovering alcoholic you wouldn't be expected to to drink alcohol. You're paying for your own meal so you can choose what you want. I would drink tea and order something from the lunch menu. If anyone asks why they are being rude.

Skinnydecafflatte · 04/09/2017 07:56

I forgot to say up the thread. Well done you, you're making great changes to your health. Sod what others think, to is the best thing you can do for yourself.

I went back to Slimming World last week as have a fair bit to lose, you gave to do it in the way that works for you. Keep it up and I'm sure by the wedding you'll look and feel even more fabulous.

greendale17 · 04/09/2017 08:00

Restaurants don't have to comply with diet requirements particularly as this is by choice as opposed to an allergy

Headofthehive55 · 04/09/2017 08:03

They might have chocolate mousse pots or lemon swirl? what about asking them for yoghurt in a little pot?

greendale17 · 04/09/2017 08:08

Sorry but I agree with some of what Nuttynoo is saying- 2 stone loss in 5 weeks will mostly be water. The problem is people going on diets which lose "weight" very quickly but are not sustainable in the long term.

NapQueen · 04/09/2017 08:08

2 stone in 5 weeks! Envy!

What are you eating daily typically if you dont mind me asking?

pasturesgreen · 04/09/2017 08:13

Whatever you do, OP, don't lie and go down the gluten intolerance road. A "posh posh restaurant" is bound to cater for GF customers and then there's your excuse busted.

I'd do as others have suggested and call or email ahead and enquire. They'll most likely accommodate you.

Original poster

Moomoomango · 04/09/2017 08:13

Thank you for your replies, I'm pleasently surprised by the reaction - it's given me the confidence that I am ok and I won't be looked at like I have 5 heads. I suffer with lack of confidence, people pleasing etc so in the past I would have just done it and suffered the consequences but I'm focusing on putting myself first.. it's just so scary! Thank you all.

I think I'd rather just drink tea than eat a salad as Eating something completely different may draw even more attention to it. And I wouldn't usually eat in the afternoon anyway so it's not as if I'm missing a meal as such just additional afternoon food.

Thank you thank you. And to the person who said i have just lost water, I appreciate your concern but clearly loosing two stones of water is dropping my jeans size so I'll go with it ;) I can't wait to see what I look like with 13 stone less water.

Thank you all.

OP posts:

AdalindSchade · 04/09/2017 08:14

If the op was very overweight to start with then she could definitely lose a stone of fat in a month with a drastic change of diet. Nowhere does she say she expects to maintain that rate of loss but LCHF is evidence based and likely to be a long term, sustainable way to lose weight. Why piss on her (swede) chips when she didn't ask your views on her diet and it's clearly motivating her to be healthier and break the sugar addiction?

Doilooklikeatourist · 04/09/2017 08:14

Well done on that weight loss
Definitely phone the venue , tell them the way your eating and ask if they will provide something suitable
I run a naice cafe , not a posh place , and I would certainly make you a lovely afternoon tea

Fauxtatoes · 04/09/2017 08:17

Nuttynoo my 8 stone loss on low carb is probably all water too

I'm the same as you. I'm on 20g or less a day.

I just say now "I have specific dietary requirements" and order something that I can eat. They will be able to give you the fillings so say salmon and cream cheese or slices of cucumber with cream cheese on without the bread.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 04/09/2017 08:18

Very well done, OP! I'd go the route of just drinking loads of tea, explaining to your friend in advance. I'm sure that she'll be both proud of you and appreciative of your support even though you can't eat the carb fest. As a recovering alcoholic, no way would I compromise my recovery by thinking that a night off would somehow be ok! It would be madness (as you say in your OP). Congratulations on your loss and your determination!

Neutrogena · 04/09/2017 08:24

YANBU - your weight was killing you due to a food addiction.
It wouldn't be unreasonable for a recovering alcoholic to skip a party in a pub/club, so why not give it a miss?
It's one small part of the wedding.
Your recovery is more important than anyone else's feelings. The temptation would be to join in.
A good/real friend would understand.

JennyOnAPlate · 04/09/2017 08:29

Well done on losing 2 stone op

I'm about to back out of a weekend with friends for similar reasons. I agreed to it months ago but seem to have finally got my head round the idea of finally losing some weight. I'm worried that they won't react well, but I know I don't have the strength to resist junk food and wine for an entire weekend.

Sometimes you have to put yourself first.

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