To resent saying 'Excuse me'?

[Hundredacrewoods]

If I'm on a crowded bus/train, where people are standing, and an inconsiderate person is obstructing an empty seat by either placing their bag on an empty seat, or sitting in the aisle seat blocking an empty window seat, AIBU to not want to say 'Excuse me', because:

1. It puts an onus on me to have to say/do something to alter their behaviour, when the onus should be on them to not do it in the first place.
2. If I say 'Excuse me', and the person then moves, it feels like they're doing me a favour - they're not. They're doing the bare minimum, what they should have done in the first place.

I've been thinking of alternate phrases that put the focus on them and their inconsiderate behaviour, rather than imply I'm asking them a favour. What do you think of 'You can see there are people standing' or 'What's wrong with this picture?'

'You can see there are people standing' or 'What's wrong with this picture?

I would think you were a bit of a pompous twat who was deliberately trying to appear goady.

Is it seriously too much of an effort to say "excuse me"? Surely its the polite form of address to a stranger when you want their attention?

Whether they should move their bag without asking isn't the issue - its trying to be not more of a dick than you ultimately have to.

How being rude is going to help your day exactly?

Nothing wrong in people sitting on the aisle seat. Maybe their stop is next, maybe they have to extend one leg slightly, maybe they missed a stop when sitting in the window seat once because some idiot didn't move fast enough.
It doesn't mean they won't move when someone else need the seat.

Some people put their bag to prevent others to seat, others put their bag because they don't think. Just ask them to move it. Sometimes the train is empty when you go in, and it doesn't seem like a big deal.

You can target seats with a bag if you want, if you have nothing better to do. Being passive aggressive will make you sound like an idiot, not anyone else.

I normally just clear my throat very loudly.

Just say "Excuse me" in the most passive aggressive tone you can manage. Most people do.

I normally just clear my throat very loudly

Do you mean to get attention or to get someone to move? If the latter that's equally rude as anyone not moving from an aisle seat.

The mind boggles as to why people think the best way to achieve a very simply resolution to a situation is to immediately be rude.

It doesn't hurt just to say 'excuse me' - what is wrong with good old-fashioned manners? However, I do agree about seat-hogging being inconsiderate, but not the fact that some people choose the aisle rather than window. I hate window seats when you might get a stranger sitting in the aisle next to you - makes we feel 'hemmed in' and I don't like it at all.

What do you think of 'You can see there are people standing' or 'What's wrong with this picture?'

Passive aggressive much? Definitely not going to get your desired response.

How about "Hi, is anyone sitting there? May I sit down?"

reminds me of the time in the train - not a full carriage either - when a couple walked in, shouted " can't you see this woman is pregnant" and someone replied "congratulations"

If you want the entire carriage to laugh at you, go for it!

coddi

How about talking to the bag?
'Excuse me bag, do you need a seat or can you sit on your owners knee?'
They're likely to not only move their bag but fuck off to another part of the bus/train/tube.

'Excuse me bag, do you need a seat or can you sit on your owners knee?'

"It's not mine, it's my mother's; she's just popped to the loo.

By saying such a thing you make the assumption that the person next to a bag is an arsehole who has deliberately gone out of their way to piss you off. They are almost certainly not. So don't.

Just ask like this

If some random matched up to me and said "what's wrong with this picture?", I would assume they were drunk or mentally ill and would ignore them accordingly. I would have no clue that they wanted me to shuffle over to the window seat. People aren't mind readers.

If you said "Do you mind letting me past?" I'd get up to let you get to the seat immediately.

OP, I completely agree with you.

Criticizing you for having an easy life is shit. Most of MN is threads about inconsequential bullshit, that's why it's fun. It'd get boring pretty quickly if people waded into "What are you wearing today?" with critiques about first world problems yadda yadda.

I commute on the train every day and I agree with you, OP. It's a massive issue. I don't ask politely because why he fuck should I. I just say "Can you move your bag?". If they're an ignorant cunt, ignore me or have headphones in I just pick it up and put it overhead. When they see you reaching for their precious, they tend to notice and respond pretty sharpish.

Have you seen the film "The Business"? In it, someone is "reserving" a seat with their bag and Tamar Hassan says "Who are you saving that for, Rio Ferdinand?" I love it but I've never used it yet

If you said "Do you mind letting me past?" I'd get up to let you get to the seat immediately

Absolutely. Or indeed "is someone sitting there" or "could I get to that seat please"

I always book an aisle seat on a train - it is personal preference, nothing to do with being rude.

I don't ask politely because why he fuck should I

Because frankly rudeness makes you an utter twat for no real reason. Nothing wrong with "can you move your bag please"

some posters sound lovely

I commute every day, and it really is not such a big issue. Yes, it happens, but the trains fill up so quickly that there are no free seat - for people or bag - after the first couple of stops anyway, and the trains are always packed leaving London.

I am not sure anyone has any hope in hell to keep a free seat for their bag, it is never going to happen, they are too busy.

just be polite, and cheer up a bit. If you are so angry before you have even started your day, it's not good for you!

I think if you say excuse me quite bruskly you tend to make the point without saying it. I hate this as well, so selfish.

I'm with mrsterrypratchett on this. I totally see why you find it annoying, and yes, if the other passenger were a thoughtful person, they'd move their bag without having to be asked. But I think that 'calling people out on their rudeness' is really a way of indulging your own irritation, it's not an effective way of changing other people (because only they can do that). Being overly smily and grateful to them when they move their bag might actually be more effective and you walk away feeling that you have the moral high ground!

I don't ask politely because why he fuck should I. I just say "Can you move your bag?". If they're an ignorant cunt, ignore me or have headphones in I just pick it up and put it overhead

Well at least you're not this poster op.

What is wrong with common courtesy in everyday life?

If you don't want to say excuse me, just say - please could you move your bag?
Or please could you let me into that seat?

I don't tend to travel on public transport and if I ever do I'm unlikely to put my bag on a seat but if someone walked up to me and said something like What's wrong with this picture? all they'd get from me is an 'eh?'. And I suspect most people would respond in the same way if someone approached them in such a ridiculous way.

Yes, it's annoying of them but it's hardly the crime of the century. Why do people allow something like someone putting their bag on a seat wind them up so much, it's so unimportant. Must be hard work to be so angry all the time.

Strange attitude.

If they're an ignorant cunt, ignore me or have headphones in I just pick it up and put it overhead Nothing wrong with that. What else should you do? Stand while a fucking bag has a seat?!