To resent saying 'Excuse me'?

[Hundredacrewoods]

If I'm on a crowded bus/train, where people are standing, and an inconsiderate person is obstructing an empty seat by either placing their bag on an empty seat, or sitting in the aisle seat blocking an empty window seat, AIBU to not want to say 'Excuse me', because:

1. It puts an onus on me to have to say/do something to alter their behaviour, when the onus should be on them to not do it in the first place.
2. If I say 'Excuse me', and the person then moves, it feels like they're doing me a favour - they're not. They're doing the bare minimum, what they should have done in the first place.

I've been thinking of alternate phrases that put the focus on them and their inconsiderate behaviour, rather than imply I'm asking them a favour. What do you think of 'You can see there are people standing' or 'What's wrong with this picture?'

If some random person came up to me and asked, "What's wrong with this picture?", I wouldn't have a clue what they were talking about. Just say "excuse me" and they will move themselves / their stuff out of your way.

I love @mrsterrypratchets phrase. What a cool motto to live by.
There could be a tonne of reasons people choose aisle seats e.g. Getting off soon on a bus. And others have said with bags sometimes people out them down when it's quiet.
I did see someone on a train say "is this your bag?" So that would be an alternative. In general though I think say excuse me. Leave the aggression in reserve for if they're awkward

If you analyse the words, "excuse me" sounds apologetic. But in the English language as it's actually used, it's just a phrase that's used to get someone's attention. If you say it and they move their bag, it's because they already knew they were in the wrong, and you've drawn attention to it. Job done.

I say 'can I get past please?' Then say thanks when they move, and for bags and seats say 'can I sit there'.
I probably don't say please & thanks to that one as keeping a bag on a seat is entitled behaviour.
Never had a problem with either of these in a good few yrs of train commuting.

I say "sorry". I hate the "excuse me" phrase I feel like a twat saying it. Always said "sorry", it works for me.

Their behaviour is not yours. Yours is.

Love this.

See, my pet hate is people standing around (on public transport, or in public in general) vibrating with self righteous indignation, but somehow unable to form the 2 little words 'excuse me'

I always want to put on my talking to a toddler voice and say indulgently "use your words"

But I don't, because that would be dickish.

I like the phrase 'kill them with kindness'. I always find the best way to be assertive is to be blunt but polite. 'Excuse me I'd like to sit there' always works.

I'd almost like you to say "what's wrong with this picture" - then come back and tell us how that went However, just smiling and saying "Excuse me please" always works and is a much more pleasant way of getting a seat on PT. I do understand your frustration though.

What do you think of 'You can see there are people standing' or 'What's wrong with this picture?'

If I'm in the aisle seat, the answer to question 1 would be "And?" and to question 2 would be "Nothing". Because my being in the aisle seat doesn't prevent anyone sitting. If they want the window seat, I'm perfectly happy to stand up to let them get to it. They only have to ask. But arsehole passive aggressive questions won't achieve it.

See my pet hate is people who leave their stuff on unoccupied seats. Every week day morning I see the same people do it. The majority of people are aware what they are doing it's just selfish and inconsiderate.

If you ask in a rude of passive aggressive manner, then you will likely to be answered back in the same way. It may be annoying to have to be polite to inconsiderate people but still better in the long run.

All I thought is "excuse me" doesn't sound like a question or request when my mum says it.
Isnt it one of the fundamentals of Britishness that saying excuse me/pardon me/ I'm sorry is actually saying "get out the bloody way you fool. I'm sure I've seen maaaaany articles from Norhern Americans who don't learn quickly enough.

If you said 'You can see there are people standing' or 'What's wrong with this picture?' then you are just as rude as the people with bags on a seat etc.

I sometimes sit on the aisle seat on a busy train as it can be difficult to exit. I am not stopping you sitting on the inside, all you have to say is 'excuse me' and I'll move so you can sit by the window.

You sound like a bit of a tit tbh. You can't control others' behaviour, but you can control yours. Don't you want to behave like an adult with manners?

It's ok people sitting in an aisle seat with an empty seat next to them but it's not ok to start sighing, tutting and pulling faces when you ask to sit there is it? Many people do plus not standing up so you have to try and somehow squeeze past them.

The other day on the bus I asked someone if I could sit in the window seat and not only did she sigh, she also stood up and made a point of looking round the bus to see if there were any other empty seats. She then said to me "there's a seat at the back". I just said "I don't want to sit on the back seat". I should have added "Your Highness" as she seemed to think she was so important

I'm retired, I travel regularly on public transport, usually outside busy periods. Fortunately i'm reasonably confident. I've found myself asking people with no mobility issues to move out of accessible seats in order that a person in need can sit down.

The notices are quite clear, but i wonder why they are regularly ignored even when there are plenty of other seats available?

God. You sound like the woman i met on a train once.

My bag wouldn't fit under the seat and i couldn't reach the overhead bit due to its size/weight. So i put it on the seat, as carriage wasn't full. I was only on there for a few stops (overground, not peak time).

Woman got on at the next stop. "I want to sit down, MOVE your bag". So i put it on my lap and was totally squashed between the seat and the bag. There were other seats free but she wanted to make a point.

She then spent the rest of the journey loudly discussing "inconsiderate people who think they can put their bags on seats" to her friends and openly mocking me. I suffer serious anxiety and sat there getting more and more upset.

But obviously she was entitled to do that because of reasons.

I don't say "excuse me". I say "may I sit down please" without a question mark verbal inflection at the end.

(NB. "may" - to get by the pedants regarding the use of "can"!)

Why should I sit by the window if I don't want to, anyway? If I did, I would have sat there!

If people can't bring themselves to speak to another human being to take that spare seat, no skin of my nose and it says more about their manners than mine.

How bizzare. Is this all you have to think about?

'Excuse me' isn't a term that's intended to be taken literally, FFS. It's just accepted verbal shorthand, a basic part of human communication.

You're just looking for an excuse to have a row, really. You sound like really hard work.

I also seriously question why you'd want to piss off a stranger and then sit in their personal space.

Seems antagonistic and basically unsafe. Unless of course you'd only challenge women and not a large male?

Op, is there more going on here, do you often fixate on irrelevant things and over think them in terms of how you should address the situation?

Why be as rude as them?
Just say excuse me and stop overthinking this. Absolutely mind boggling.