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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let him sort himself for one morning?

71 replies

newjobblewobble · 03/09/2017 22:58

I have a funeral to attend next week, about an hours drive away, at 9.00.

I mentioned it to DS(12), (2nd year) today in front of a family member, telling him he'll need to get himself out to school that morning.

Family member then asked me if I couldn't drop him to a friends when I was leaving. I said no, it will only be about 15 mins or so he'll be home alone for. She replied saying "well, not really" meaning I'd probably have to leave at least an hour early. So, she's right, I'll maybe have to leave about 7.45 and he goes out at 8.15.

She would NEVER have done this with her kids, and is very involved work wise with social services, etc.

As a one off, it's not too bad is it??

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 03/09/2017 23:01

At 12, I'd expect him to be sorting himself out in the morning anyway. What do you do normally?

BitOutOfPractice · 03/09/2017 23:04

What do you do now? Surely he's capable of making some cereal and putting his clothes on and leaving the house.

Original poster
newjobblewobble · 03/09/2017 23:05

Well, nothing really! She obviously just means I should be there. He gets his own breakfast, obviously gets dressed/washed himself. Most I do is maybe iron his clothes, if I'm not already organised.

OP posts:
CreamCheeseBrownies · 03/09/2017 23:06

I think it's fine and I'd anticipate that my 10 year old would be fine to do this at 12.

HeddaGarbled · 03/09/2017 23:07

Do you trust him to lock the house up, make sure everything is switched off and not lose the key? I'm sure he'll be fine for 15 to 30 minutes on his own but 12 is young for the responsibility of locking up and leaving the house safe.

DD0314 · 03/09/2017 23:09

It's not bad at all! He's 12! He's clearly quite capable of getting himself ready and out the door so I don't see the issue. Do what you need to do.

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 23:10

LOL my gran was 12 she got 7 little ones up and ready until her mum came back from cleaning

Jeeezzz he only had to turn a key or pull the door shut

Manclife · 03/09/2017 23:15

It's not about it being a 'one off' it's about whether your child would be responsible enough in those 30 mins to be trusted (and more importantly safe) alone. If the answer is 'yes' then there's no issue.

Ummmmgogo · 03/09/2017 23:15

family member sounds ridiculously over protective to me. he is 12 not 4!

sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
newjobblewobble · 03/09/2017 23:15

Yes, I trust him, and he quite often comes home after school for an hour on his own.

I often ask her advice, because I value her opinion, but sometimes she makes me feel like anything I do different to how she did it, is wrong, without even saying much!

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 03/09/2017 23:18

what is the difference between being at home alone in the morning to the afternoon?? he has already proved himself capable.

Original poster
newjobblewobble · 03/09/2017 23:24

No difference to me, really. She knows I leave him for short periods, now and then. I guess that's why I'm asking. I don't get why she sees it as as an issue in the morning. Although she would much prefer me to be home every day for him after school, and I changed my hours slightly as that's what I wanted in first year, but I don't think that's necessary now.

OP posts:
Original poster
newjobblewobble · 03/09/2017 23:26

And thanks for the flowers Ummm. Not a close relative, but going more for the other relatives.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/09/2017 23:37

I'm sure he'll be fine for 15 to 30 minutes on his own but 12 is young for the responsibility of locking up and leaving the house safe.

It really isn't you know Confused

Obviously kids are individuals but in general, no it's not young at all for such a simple task.

Pancakeflipper · 03/09/2017 23:53

It's a yes from me. I think you know your own kid to know if they leave on time a use a key (and contact you if any issues)
I have a 12 yr old and he sometimes has a similar time left alone. He knows the drill - any problems phone me, see neighbours, don't open door unless it is our neighbour (she's ace) etc....

If you trust your son then I don't see an issue.

PollyFlint · 04/09/2017 00:31

He's 12, not 5. I can't see any issue with this at all really; I think your friend's being a bit OTT about it and needs to mind her own beeswax.

12 is young for the responsibility of locking up and leaving the house safe It depends on the 12-year-old, clearly, but I honestly don't know any 12-year-olds who couldn't cope with checking the toaster's switched off and locking a door behind them.

Topseyt · 04/09/2017 00:36

Your friend is talking bollocks.

Most 12 year olds would be more than fine on their own for half an hour and getting themselves out to school. Mine all were. I wouldn't have thought twice about it.

You know your DS. Trust your own judgement.

BenLui · 04/09/2017 00:39

Dear Lord, he's in high school. Of course he can manage on his own for 30 minutes.

I'd be embarrassed by the suggestion that my kids couldn't at that age.

BlackeyedSusan · 04/09/2017 01:08

erm, don't most kids navigate their way across town, take tubes/buses/ride bikes, let themselves in after school anyway? some have been doing it from year 5.

HJE17 · 04/09/2017 03:22

... at that age I used to babysit for several families, would take the kids to the park, give them dinner, put them to bed and stay with them until their parents came home around 10.30pm. So no - he's definitely not too young! (And this would have been in 2004, not in some bygone age!)

feathermucker · 04/09/2017 04:12

Bloody hell, he's 12. It's absolutely fine.

Don't start doubting yourself because a family member has disagreed with a choice you've made.

emmyrose2000 · 04/09/2017 04:19

Your relative is beyond ridiculous. If you think he's capable of staying by himself for half an hour then it's nobody else's business. This relative isn't someone whose opinion I would seek out or value.

What does she think the millions of kids of parents who leave for work early in the morning do each day? Hmm

aquashiv · 04/09/2017 04:29

What does he say?

Do a dummy run first and see how he goes.

aquashiv · 04/09/2017 04:31

I think it can be greater 'danger' to not enable children to develop life skills.

Charolais · 04/09/2017 05:15

I’m in the States and kids babysit younger kids at 12. Both my sons flew (at different times - they are not twins) from the west coast to London alone. The things they did alone..... I never coddled them that’s for sure.

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