Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let him sort himself for one morning?

71 replies

newjobblewobble · 03/09/2017 22:58

I have a funeral to attend next week, about an hours drive away, at 9.00.

I mentioned it to DS(12), (2nd year) today in front of a family member, telling him he'll need to get himself out to school that morning.

Family member then asked me if I couldn't drop him to a friends when I was leaving. I said no, it will only be about 15 mins or so he'll be home alone for. She replied saying "well, not really" meaning I'd probably have to leave at least an hour early. So, she's right, I'll maybe have to leave about 7.45 and he goes out at 8.15.

She would NEVER have done this with her kids, and is very involved work wise with social services, etc.

As a one off, it's not too bad is it??

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 04/09/2017 05:33

The idea that there are parents whp don't think a 12 year old is capable of turning the tv/toaster/grill etc off and lock tje door behind me is baffling! Surely parents aren't still taking high school kids to school?! Confused

dd1 starts high school next year, and will be just 11. She will be on her own for an hour in the morning and will need to lock up, as well as an hour after school. I have absolutely no concerns about this. She is more thsn capable of looking aftef herself, we have encouraged her independence for years in readiness. Some parents rpund here won't let there 10 year olds do anything without them at all! Very quaint, sleepy little village, not dangerous in the slightest Hmm it amuses me because given my job, if anyone shpuldbe untrusting of people and seeing danger its me, but out of my friends I'm the most laid back about stuff like this. Probably because I know better than the sensationalist headlines, and how rarely those awful things happen, and tbe miniscule risk of a stranger being a danger.

INeedToEat · 04/09/2017 05:41

Since starting secondary school my son has got himself up, ready for school and locked up the house as he left. I leave for work at 7am and he leaves for school at 8.30am.

I'm a social worker.

Neutrogena · 04/09/2017 06:11

YANBU - unless your DS has special needs, he can sort himself out for 15 mins in the morning.

DressedCrab · 04/09/2017 06:23

Your family member is being ridiculous. Infantilising a 12 year old. Both of mine were left home alone from the age of 11 and the sky didn't fall.

AdalindSchade · 04/09/2017 06:30

What does her working in social services have to do with anything?
Let me tell you (as a social worker) you will get as many different views on this among social workers as any other group. We often talk things over to check out what we think of a situation and there is no 'correct' answer in a situation where there is otherwise no abuse or neglect.
I have left my kid alone at home from 7 years old (very short periods) and now at 9 will happily leave him for an hour or so. Next term he'll turn 10 when he's in year 5 and he will start coming home alone and letting himself in to wait for me for 45 minutes. Loads of my colleagues would have kittens at that.

Howlongtilldinner · 04/09/2017 06:54

My DS is 19, he still sometimes 'forgets' to check all windows are closed before leaving, so you'd have a long wait basis 12 is young for the responsibility of locking up and leaving the house safe Hmm

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/09/2017 09:25

I think it can be greater 'danger' to not enable children to develop life skills
^this

There's the additional danger of parents becoming a WORKzilla who won't leave her 14 year old asleep in bed but demands that another parent 'babysit' him from 7am every day of the holidays

Dutch1e · 04/09/2017 11:27

She may have seen a lot of capable but very lonely kids in her line of work. Unreasonable to suggest a 12 yr old can't manage themselves in the morning but if she blurted it out without thinking I could see how it came about.

AdalindSchade · 04/09/2017 11:36

She may have seen a lot of capable but very lonely kids in her line of work

So have I. They are the kids who spend all their time in their bedrooms or locked out of their houses. Who spend all their time alone while their parent is pissed or out partying or selling sex for drugs.
Don't be so crass as to compare that experience to a well cared for 12 year old getting himself out the house as a one off!

Ameliablue · 04/09/2017 11:36

A 12 year old should be perfectly capable. It's not like you will be leaving when he is still in bed.

Kailoer · 04/09/2017 11:40

I think it can be greater 'danger' to not enable children to develop life skills.

aquashiv i 100% agree

12 is about a normal age for a babysitter around here
i'm surprised you're even thinking that he won't be able manage without you there.

it's a perfect opportunity to teach him some indpendenace and dealing with family members having other commitments (albeit a sad one)

anydream · 04/09/2017 11:46

Er. I do this all the time. How else do people go to work? Mine are 12 and 14, we usually leave the house just before them but sometimes a long time before them. They are often home before us. Today and tomorrow they are at home all day on their own because we are both working. She is way over protective.

steppemum · 04/09/2017 11:49

he's perfectly old enough, unless for some reason he isn't able to do it, or you don't trust him to.

I think the fact he is home alone in the afternoon quite safely and happily tells you all you need to know.

As to checking the house and locking it up safely. Unless he turns the oven on after you have gone, surely all he has to do is shut the door behind him?

My 12 year old, cylces to the station, locks up her bike, gets on the right train, gets off at the right station, walks up the hill to school.

really think walking out of the door at the right time is not a big issue!

Tinty · 04/09/2017 12:00

I think that your 12 year old DS will be fine with this and if you have already let him stay at home he is also used to it, it isn't going to worry him. Obviously the other answer is that said relative can pop over at 7.30 to babysit him until he goes to school. Why don't you suggest that to her. Grin

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 04/09/2017 12:07

We once went away for the weekend and I'd left the burner on one of the hobs on.

No one is fool proof.

If you think he's sensible enough to be left OP then it's your call - not your friends but unless he's extremely naive and immature or has learning difficulties - he'll be fine.

EternalOptimistToo · 04/09/2017 12:07

Ive done that before. I can't see the issue TBH.
You are o young leaving half an hour before him.
He should be able to get ready in his own and have breakfast too.

I mean I know quite a few 12yo who have spent most of the hols at home on their own whilst parents were at work.
Surely half an hour will be OK??

EdmundCleverClogs · 04/09/2017 12:09

From starting secondary, I was expected to get myself up, sort my own breakfast and get myself to the bus stop. My mother sometimes left the same time, often earlier if there was a work related reason and had my much younger sibling to sort out/get to nursery. I also always came home to an empty house from 11 onwards as well, I guess I was considered 'mature' enough not to leave doors unlocked/burn the house down, etc. A 12 year old should be more than capable of coping for one morning, unless he has additional needs.

EternalOptimistToo · 04/09/2017 12:10

And YY about the fact that most children stay at home on their own for much longer at the end of the school day!

KingLooieCatz · 04/09/2017 12:17

Bloody hell, I don't check anything's switched off before I leave the house.

As PP said, unless he's switching the oven in the morning, what's to check?

SapphireStrange · 04/09/2017 12:21

she would much prefer me to be home every day for him after school

So she generally sticks her nose into your business then?

Ignore her. It's fine if you trust him. She can mind her own.

RB68 · 04/09/2017 12:29

I find people who don't have their own children don't realise how capable children at that age are. My two sisters are the same with my 12 y old - treat her like a 6 yr old for the most part and create situations which are completely unnecessary so she feels under the cosh all the time.

I often allow my DD to have time alone after school at home. Happy to leave her 3.45 till 6 ish and even cook her own tea - just simple things.

minionsrule · 04/09/2017 12:46

My ds is 12 going into year 8. Usually we stay home until he has left for the bus but in the oast had to drop dh off at station and would mot be back in time so yes ds just let himself out and locked the door behind him.
P.s its just another level of independence that you are giving him 😊

Hissy · 04/09/2017 13:14

I often ask her advice, because I value her opinion

Why on earth would you value her opinion when she is SOOO wrong, judgemental and condescending?

Hissy · 04/09/2017 13:22

she would much prefer me to be home every day for him after school

who the fuck is this woman.

I am willing to bet that they "I would NEVER..." stuff is a LOAD of bollocks - I bet you that she has done FAR worse with her children than leaving them in a perfectly safe and happy environment for a whole 40 odd mins..

DontbouncelikeIdid · 04/09/2017 13:26

I do think it is a lot of responsibility for a 12 year old, but you know your DS best, and as a one off its not too bad. Is there someone who'll be nearby that he can call if there is a problem?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.