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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visit newborn or go to wedding?

82 replies

Beepbeepboop · 03/09/2017 19:23

I am starting a new 9-5 job tomorrow so am unable to take any time off this week.

My sister is being induced with her first child on Tuesday and has asked me to visit this coming weekend. However I have already booked flights and a hotel to a wedding 400 miles away. The wedding is for a friend I knew in secondary school and I have had this booked for months.

My sister is quite upset I won't be dropping the wedding to visit her and her baby this weekend.

AIBU to go to the wedding and visit my sister on another weekend?

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 03/09/2017 20:16

Your sister is being a bit precious. Send her flowers, balloons and a baby gift and go to the wedding.

Candlemiss · 03/09/2017 20:17

Of course you should go to the wedding.

notangelinajolie · 03/09/2017 20:31

Wedding.

Lj8893 · 03/09/2017 20:37

If her induction date is Tuesday that doesn't mean her induction will definitely start on tuesday, and could take days and days so the baby may not be here by the weekend anyway!

Scholes34 · 03/09/2017 20:38

Ask you sister to postpone the induction until you're back from the wedding!

Mittens1969 · 03/09/2017 20:40

Of course you should go to the wedding! And as PPs have said, you should communicate via Skype if your DSis's baby is born while you're away, which is not a certainty anyway from what people are saying on here.

Your DSis is being precious but that's because the birth is all that's on her mind, understandably. But it would be crazy not to go to the wedding.

BannedFromNarnia · 03/09/2017 20:42

I would go to the wedding. I think your sister is being appalling asking you to miss a wedding at such short notice - how rude to the bride and groom!!

Newborns are adorable but they're also boring, tbh - once you've had a little cuddle you'll be pissed off that you're not at your friend's do.

#teamwedding

iamyourequal · 03/09/2017 20:43

100% go to the wedding. Hopefully becoming a mum will put an end to your sister's current spoilt princess behaviour.

Jedimum1 · 03/09/2017 20:47

Wedding.
Send sister something nice via post, like a fruit basket, so she can munch on things without cooking. Explain you've already paid, she probably is underestimating how tired she will be too. I did not want visits when my DC were born, I hated them, I wanted to rest, sleep when baby slept, etc. Do facetime the days before. Any chance you can go to hers on the way back from the wedding, maybe asking for an extra day off work?

Jedimum1 · 03/09/2017 20:49

Just realised you are starting the new job. I'd mention to the boss all the exciting things you have this month... See if they volunteer a day off...

Jfw82 · 03/09/2017 20:51

I went in for induction on a tues, baby didn't arrive until Friday and I didn't get home until
early afternoon on Sat- the last thing I wanted at that point was visitors! Go to the wedding

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 03/09/2017 20:54

Is your sister jealous or somehow upset that you are going? She is being very unreasonable. Newborns just sleep mostly anyway.

Hulababy · 03/09/2017 21:01

As others have said - she might not be out of hospital or she may find she's not really up for visitors especially overnight.

I was induced with Dd - went in on Wednesday. Eventually had her on the Friday night. Left hospital on the Monday morning.

ButchyRestingFace · 03/09/2017 21:03

Bump-zilla behaviour. Hmm

Wedding all the way.

intheairthatnightfernando · 03/09/2017 21:13

I am actually going against the grain. It's your sister. I'd definitely be with my sister on this one. I would hate to feel I hadn't been there when she'd wanted me. It's not like it's a best friend, it's an old school friend. It's a pretty big deal meeting your new niece or nephew. I would hate to feel I was letting my sister down in any way. Admittedly I do have an awesome sister. I suppose it depends on your relationship.

PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2017 21:15

Admittedly I do have an awesome sister. I suppose it depends on your relationship.

My super sister would never ask me to miss a wedding to see a baby that will still be there a week later.

I don't think it's really that big a deal seeing a new baby for the first time. It's how you are as they grow up that's important.

coddiwomple · 03/09/2017 21:32

It's a pretty big deal meeting your new niece or nephew

It is, but it is the same big deal when the niece/nephew is 18 hours or 72 hours old, or god forbid several months old. The OP is not bailing out on being her sister birth partner, she will see the baby a tiny bit later. No one even knows when the baby will be born in the first place!

newmumFeb17 · 03/09/2017 21:32

If your sister's induction is anything like mine, she may not have even had the baby by the weekend 😂

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/09/2017 21:39

Admittedly I do have an awesome sister. I suppose it depends on your relationship.

As do I. They would never expect me to drop a wedding that has cost a lot of money to see their PFB who may not even have been born.

In fact they would insist I went and would tell me to stop being daft if I suggested cancelling.

OP go to the wedding.

Maryof1993 · 03/09/2017 21:44

Your sister's being daft. She just doesn't realise she's being daft. Go to the wedding.

TheNaze73 · 03/09/2017 21:47

Wedding, without question

Cakeycakecake · 03/09/2017 21:48

I was induced Monday. Had dc Friday. Friends came to visit but even my own mum who had my dc1 with her didn't visit immediately, she waited til dc2 and I were home settled before dropping of dc1 letting her meet her sibling then coming round later to get cuddles.
Inductions are horrible they never go to plan imo. And the pain of induction and subsequent pain after giving birth for me meant I didn't want visitors, I wanted bonding time and when babies were about 2weeks and I'd got used to sleep deprivation hell I was up for seeing people. I'd Skype all day long though

Cakeycakecake · 03/09/2017 21:49

So go to wedding!

Sashkin · 03/09/2017 21:56

I wouldn't expect my DBro to cancel existing plans or to be rude to their friends, but I would have been a bit hurt if they hadn't been to see me at all in the first two weeks. I would feel upset that they didn't want to meet my lovely new baby as soon as possible, and upset if I thought that they were saying their socialising was more important. My DBro only lives ten minutes away from me though, if he lived four hours away I suppose it would be unavoidable.

I would definitely apologise to her that you can't come sooner, and ask to FaceTime instead. Make a fuss of her. I expect she just wants to hear that you do really want to see her and new DN.

MadamePomfrey · 03/09/2017 22:01

Adding my voice to the many that have said she may well still be in hospital/not up for visitors by the weekend! I wouldn't tell her that though Wink let her know your excited for the baby send flowers or chocolates or whatever when she's home and visit her the weekend after the wedding. That's plenty soon enough! Your sister will realise she's being a bit unreasonable once everything calms down!

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