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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visit newborn or go to wedding?

82 replies

Beepbeepboop · 03/09/2017 19:23

I am starting a new 9-5 job tomorrow so am unable to take any time off this week.

My sister is being induced with her first child on Tuesday and has asked me to visit this coming weekend. However I have already booked flights and a hotel to a wedding 400 miles away. The wedding is for a friend I knew in secondary school and I have had this booked for months.

My sister is quite upset I won't be dropping the wedding to visit her and her baby this weekend.

AIBU to go to the wedding and visit my sister on another weekend?

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 03/09/2017 19:39

Wedding. Your sister is being an idiot.
You will lose a lot of money just to go see her baby whom might not even be born of she might have to have an emcs/still be in hospital.

BenLui · 03/09/2017 19:42

What a wonderful example of PFB madness! Bless her. Smile

Of course you must go to the wedding, it would be unbearably rude otherwise.

Your sister will get over it. Why not position it that you want to give her space for a babymoon?

VocalDuck · 03/09/2017 19:42

Yes to go to the wedding. Apart from the cost of what you have spent on flights, gift, outfits etc, it would be really rude to cancel at the last minute.

FadedRed · 03/09/2017 19:43

Send your DSis a lovely flower arrangement (in oasis, nothing that needs a vase or arranging) a box of special chocolates and a big congratulations card telling her what a brilliant woman she is for producing your niece/nephew and go to the wedding.

WaaWaaWaaa · 03/09/2017 19:44

Ha! Wait until she's had the baby.... she won't bloody notice! Probably won't even have the the baby until Friday in any case! Lol

KC225 · 03/09/2017 19:44

Seriously, go to the wedding. She may not even be up to visitors, you can call her, facetious/Skype and go the following weekend.

She is being ridiculous, expecting you to drop your plans. I hope for your sake it's not a sign of things to come.

MikeUniformMike · 03/09/2017 19:52

Go to the wedding. Your sis is BU not you. She is heavily pregnant though. Enjoy the wedding.

Helbelle75 · 03/09/2017 19:52

What Brawne said. I went in for induction on the Tuesday and dd was born early hours of Sunday. Then we were in and out of hospital for a week.
Go to the wedding, then see your sister when things have settled a bit.

TroysMammy · 03/09/2017 19:53

My sister's due date was the end of June. I took 2 weeks off work. My sister was induced on the Wednesday on the second week of my holiday and my niece was not born until the Monday when I was back in work, at 11.30 at night!

Babies never come on demand unless it's a planned cs. Go to the wedding and enjoy then when your niece/nephew is born you can then enjoy your time with your sister and her baby.

Lweji · 03/09/2017 19:55

Your sister is being incredibly unreasonable.
She's trying to force you to lose money, as well as missing your friends' wedding.

You can see your new baby nephew/niece the following weekend, FGS.

How about you tell her to book to be induced the following week?

wowfudge · 03/09/2017 19:56

Send your DSis a gift once the baby has arrived with a card saying how much you are looking forward to meeting her and go to the wedding. A wedding is a one off and you have made and paid for your travel, etc. Your niece or nephew will be around for many years and will never remember they didn't meet you in their first week of life!

Leeds2 · 03/09/2017 19:57

Go to the wedding!

BabychamSocialist · 03/09/2017 19:57

Wedding. The baby will be there next weekend and in my experience newborns are incredibly dull and don't get interesting until they're about 2yo.

IfYouHappenToSee · 03/09/2017 19:58

Go to the wedding.

I can't believe someone is honestly demanding this, tbh. It's utterly ridiculous!

TheCygnet · 03/09/2017 19:59

I agree, I was induced on a Tuesday, but it didn't work so they spent three days trying, then ARM, then 17 hours of labour and then EMCS due to complications. Baby only finally arrived 4 days later and wasn't out of hospital until Saturday. She may not be in a position to have you visit, so go to the wedding and video call her if she has given birth, then visit ASAP after that.

BikeRunSki · 03/09/2017 20:00

Wedding

Thissameearth · 03/09/2017 20:06

Yes as others have said she won't def have the baby and be home with Tuesday induction BUT if baby was born before sat, never mind mums with pfb attitude, I would be cancelling so I could see my pfb niece or nephew straight away Grin (v close to my siblings).

NotTheFordType · 03/09/2017 20:06

FFS, weddings are shit and babies are ace. Obviously you go to visit your sis over spending time having stilted awkward conversations with the relatives of someone you used to go to school with.

mumofmany81 · 03/09/2017 20:07

Speaking as a midwife I have to agree with what everyone else said. The majority of inductions for first time mums take a long time. If not ready to go into labour then the whole process runs into days. That's something that many women aren't well informed about before being induced so it's entirely possible that she thinks she will have had the baby and be home by then. Either way she's being unreasonable to expect that you will cancel a wedding that's been booked for ages so that she can have you visit. I agree with the others in that you just need to explain it to her. Even if she doesn't see how unreasonable she's being right now she will likely realise it once everything settles down.

Sparklingbrook · 03/09/2017 20:08

Neither babies nor weddings are 'ace' TBF. Confused

But in this case the wedding takes priority.

Rachie1973 · 03/09/2017 20:09

Wedding. First inductions are notoriously slow often. My first was induced at 9am Dec 29th, and didn't actually arrive until Jan 1st!

Send some flowers and make plans to visit the following weekend.

thepatchworkcat · 03/09/2017 20:10

Absolutely go to the wedding!
Baby might not even have been born by Friday!

SalamiSandwich · 03/09/2017 20:13

Wedding. A friend of mine was induced and it took four days! Your sister seems to be under the impression baby will just pop out.

runsmidgeOMG · 03/09/2017 20:14

This'll take strength OP
It's not always as black and white to say no to some family who feel particularly entitled.

You have booked and paid for the wedding. Your new niece or nephew will be there when you get back. Do not be made to fee bad about this! Enjoy !

Watbox · 03/09/2017 20:15

Go to the wedding. If her induction is anything like my 2 the baby won't be here by the weekend anyway