To ask DWs 2/3/4 What exactly is your thought process re having babies with him

[ForgotwhatIcameinherefor]

So my DD2's dad sees our daughter as little as he can in spite of court order - he will cancel on a fairly regular basis at short notice and with the flimsiest excuse - if not just a fake one (I can literally always check his constant social media updates for the facts). They have barely any phone/text conversation between visits and he wants no involvement in her life beside the single overnight stays when they do happen. When she is with him she just has to fit in with his and current wife's weekend plans so sometimes see family, often go to Dunelm, ASDA etc and walk the dog. He did take her to the cinema once last year. DD always comes home completely empty handed, even if it's been for a night following her birthday or Christmas as she is not allowed to bring anything home, but she tells me she won't ask him for treats or anything while she's there anyway, she just sort of "knows" not to. I could go on about how little regard he shows/miserly he is towards her but don't want to be too specific.
Thing is, I could understand the whole wicked stepmother thing re his wife of 2 years ie wanting him all to herself "without the pesky kid around" but now it's confirmed they have been trying for a baby since the wedding. She can see for herself how he (mis)treats his own daughter no matter what lies he has told her about me.
If you are wife number 2 (or later) how do you think you know your DH is going to treat your future DC differently?
Genuinely intrigued, and certainly don't feel any malice towards DD's dad's wife who I have never met as I wouldn't wish her current husband on anyone

Haven't read the whole thread but I will be DW 2 and we will shortly be ttc. I think our situation is different to yours though. I can see that DP is a good dad to his DD and so I know he'll be a good Dad to ours. I can also see how good DSD is with babies and I think she'd make a fantastic big sister. DP never ever bad mouths his ex in front of his DD no matter how much she's pissed him off and I know that if we did end up splitting up he'd still maintain contact and do what's right for the DC regardless of any adult issues occurring.

Looking at it from your perspective though, sometimes it's naivety (oh maybe he'll be better when it's ours together), believing that it's all the ex's fault he can't see his DC (ha... Yeah... okay...) etc. I was there. I was (stupidly) ttc with somebody who was a shit father. I believed his lies that it was all his ex's fault. I just thank God that I didn't actually conceive with him otherwise I'd be stuck as a single mum struggling with the idea of my DC being (occasionally, when he can be bothered) alone with an abusive moron.

Fwiw I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with DC fitting in with adult plans. We all need to shop, clean, cook, see family, walk dogs etc and I think it's good for DC to see that side of things as well as the fun side. It can't always be fun as otherwise people are accused of Disney parenting. But if that's all they're doing with her, that's awful!! I'm sure there'll become a point where she doesn't want to go any more, what's the point if you're just dragged along all the time I hope for your DD's sake this baby makes him sort his act out and be a better father do both of them!