I'm genuinely interested to know (not really an AIBU)

[Alexkate2468]

So I see a lot of comments on AIBU that are unnecessarily horrible. I've always been interested in human behaviour and recently have thought a lot about how social media has influenced the way we iinteract.

I'll admit that the odd time I have been caught up in a thread and have had to stop myself from making an unnecessarily harsh reply. I remember a post I made when I was new to MN and was in a fairly vulnerable state of mind. I made a mistake, posted it on here and got a bashing and even when I kept saying that I knew I was wrong and that I needed to put things right, this wasn't good enough and still the flames were thrown. Im strong enough to sift through the awfulness now but at the time, I had to work hard not to take it to heart. Had I been in the mental place I was a few years ago, it could have impacted my very differently.

So what I want to ask is, if you have ever been caught up in a thread and said something awful by mistake, how did you feel afterwards?

Is anybody brave enough to admit deliberately writing horrible comments? What did you get out of it?

Do people feel they are justified in being mean in some situations?

Do you think we sometimed forget that there are real people behind these posts?

Asking because I'm genuinely interested in how we interact and how this is changing. I put this in AIBU because this is where I see most of the harsh comments.

There are many demographics where 'cunt' is used fondly or neutrally. You're assuming because it's an insult in your circle that it is one in every circle. That shows a lack of understanding of language usage.

I find it funny that you think I don't understand the use of language because I think "cunt" is usually used as an insult. It's obvious from the context.

I've never seen "oh, you daft lovable cunt!" on MN. Perhaps on other forums. But it's usually "stop being a cunt" "you sound like hard work and a bit of a cunt", which is absolutely unambiguous.

The mental gymnastics people use to justify being rude for no reason are interesting, though.

at calling someone a cunt not being mean

Yes, I laughed at this. I'm fairly positive if some stranger or a teacher at their kids school walked up to the poster and told them publicly in front of a huge crowd, what a complete cunt they were due to their views , they'd think it fairly mean.

C8H10N4O2 - no, of course I don't mean that far back, I am talking about MN AIBU. Wouldn't have a clue what those other sites you've mentioned are about.

There are many demographics where 'cunt' is used fondly or neutrally

You'd need to tell me too in which demographics calling someone a cunt is a term of endearment,,,

A poster posts something ridiculous. Theyre annoying. People advise/ sympathise. They ignore and continue to say bizarre/ self
Pitying/ lazy/ crazy things. Posters get annoyed. 8 pages later, posters get rude.

But very often on AIBU the breathtakingly rude replies happen almost immediately...

You'd need to tell me too in which demographics calling someone a cunt is a term of endearment,,,

I would love to know that too!

I think posting on a forum is a bit of an art, to be practiced. I think I've gotten better at it over the years. I try to avoid personal attacks, try to avoid making assumptions, and I actually read the OP

I also think some people are just rubbish at empathy in an online interaction. They seem to not see other posters as multi-faceted people and make massive assumptions about them based on very limited information. I think it's great that Mumsnet dishes up cold hard truths, but they need to be based on the facts the OP has presented.

I have had someone on Mumsnet make me cry, after they misinterpreted a comment I made and had a massive go at me.

I've heard the word cunt used as a term of endearment ("You're wearing odd socks, you daft cunt")... but I think it's simultaneously understood that's a strongly offensive word used ironically as a term of endearment. And you probably wouldn't say it to a stranger.

You'd need to tell me too in which demographics calling someone a cunt is a term of endearment,,,

Have you ever been to Glasgow? It is used as a term of endearment regularly. I was shocked when I moved to the south of England and it was considered to be outrageously offensive.
In all seriousness though, calling somebody a cunt in a serious way isn't on.

You'd need to tell me too in which demographics calling someone a cunt is a term of endearment

Growing up in Saaf Laandon with Scottish family. The 'nicer' the language the more trouble you were in.

"Alright, you wanker" = happy and friendly
"Did you want to think about that mate?" = fighting words

I have occasionally, previously, been pretty horrible in some of my responses (esp. on AIBU) - the sense of being able to pile in and be critical, especially if I am tired and cross (see my user name!) on an anonymous forum was strangely liberating.

Then it happened to me - people criticising my parenting style, when I didn't ask them - and now I make a conscious effort not to do that, but to try and be constructive and supportive and focus on the specific problem. And just ignore the threads where the OP is obviously a fruitcake.

@FreudianSlurp's pint. Innit?

I have no issue using the word cunt. On here or real life.

I wouldnt call someone a cunt, but i will tell someone if they are behaving like a cunt. Some people posting are acting like cunts. They arent cunts themseleves but are acting like it.

I have only ever been told i was being 'unbelievably harsh' on one post. Then continued to berate me for not agreeing. I genuniely dont think i was, i suggested the Op reword something when she wanted to make amends for being a (in the Ops words) a very poor parent while her kids were growing up. Several posters actually agreed with me that it needed rewording and the offended party (not the Op) slunk off.

I rarely post on threads that have pages pf reading to do so cant comment on the piling on after the op has said they are being unreasonable. But the majority of posters here, imo, dont admit it andbhave no intention of doing. They posted for validation only.

nina2b "Sometimes people do not have the time to read the whole thread. Some have to work, for instance. Why can't OPs summarise from time to time for the benefit of all?"

Then please highlight the OP's posts and just read those if you want the gist of the thread and to be up to date before replying
People find it infuriating to have someone who has not bothered to RTFT leap in on page 9 with advice that's been superseded on page 3.

Alternatively, if you can't be bothered to RTFT, then just don't comment on the snapshot you have read because you must be aware that you are missing the whole picture.
Cancel the cheque was just about the most irritating example of that.

Cunt is used by young people nowadays like bloody was used in the 70's.

And not just young people.

I don't use it much - I'm sadly rather middle class in a bad way - but I refuse to judge.

However I DO judge the N word. Although I know blacks use that as a term of love between themselves.

OP - with respect.... if you find it unpalatable I suggest you avert your eyes. And stop projecting 😊

I frequently flick through AIBU thinking 'idiot', 'what?!', 'ltb', 'omg' and so on. I find that if that is my opening thought then it's really best that I don't bother post on the thread.

So many good points in replies here... And I f don't think I've ever seen the 'c' word used as much 😂.

I do think the 'if you don't like it, don't come here' attitude is a bit off. Everyone should be protected from verbal abuse online.

I think the intention behind the post is key. You can give someone a reality check in a helpful way. If there intention isn't too guide or help the OP then should it realty be posted? Of course, disagreeing might be helpful and help the OP see a different side. I think the being over polite thing might stem from worrying about conveying tone in a post and isn't necessarily in genuine.

Nina, sometimes it isn't easy to switch off. Words hurt and if you're feeling vulnerable then it's not so easy not to take things to heart.

I honestly try to reply to threads like I'm sitting over a cuppa. I like to challenge opinions and be honest but I never like to be hurtful.

You're legally allowed to call the POTUS a cunt, a bitch, a twat. It's not libellous or threatening violence. What next, no drawing and publishing cartoons that are rude about anyone because they might get violent? Oh, what, that's what ISIS does to people who write words they disagree with

I agree. The more we chip away at freedom of speech the less freedom we have. Sure, some people are 'cunty' but you can report them. It will get very complicated indeed if what we say is policed so rigidly.

Surely surely no one is compelled to post on a forum - particularly not if they think or imagine they are being bullied. No faceless individual on an Internet forum could make me feel hurt or suicidal.
Good grief, all you have to do is step back and switch off.

Just because something doesn't affect you doesn't mean it won't affect others. You have no empathy.

I am blunt regardless of whether I do it over social media or not.