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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be fed up of Instamums 2

999 replies

Hmmmmx100 · 02/09/2017 22:33

Continued from original post...

OP posts:
underthebridget · 05/09/2017 11:14

Grandmother Pukka is all class.

Castamere · 05/09/2017 11:19

Spiney - agree with you 100%.

DoloresMae · 05/09/2017 11:28

The pukkas seem proper cool. Mother_pukka only came to my attention because of this thread and now I'm a follower. thumbs up (she has followed me - not only I am ad free I'm also pretty interest-factor-free but you cannut polish a turd y'na?) x

spiney · 05/09/2017 11:36

As you've got a view point from the inside Castamere do you think insta bloggers will ever properly self regulate ?

After this weekend 's storm in a coffee cup it seems like some run mini dynasties where no other opinions or any ' threatening ' opinions are allowed.

Do you think Ad regulation of any sort will have to come from above?

Castamere · 05/09/2017 11:45

I think it will come; from what origin I'm not sure. The brands that pay these Instagrammers/Bloggers also have a duty to ensure that #ad or #spon is being displayed and to be fair, 95% of them state this from the outset. Some try to pull the wool; there'll always be that element.
What I would like to see is celebrities (whether A list or Z list) held to account to; I'm sick of seeing stuff like this: www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2017/07/26/daley-blind-has-copy-paste-nightmare-uploading-instagram-post/ Must have witnessed dozens of gaffes of this nature in recent months.

Castamere · 05/09/2017 11:46

typo... should read 'held to account too'

spiney · 05/09/2017 12:10

It's every where isn't it! Right this moment it seems like a really powerful media channel.

And a bit of Wild West tbh. Thanks for answering.

ElspethFlashman · 05/09/2017 13:06

Cara Struthers has now said she'll do #gift as well. She's thinking about the child exposure issue but not sure how she's going to handle that.

MaryPoppinjay · 05/09/2017 13:43

Have watched this thread now for a few days I really wanted to comment after seeing MPs recent Instastories.
There has been some valuable discussion about some important topics and it is IMHO worthwhile to have these discussions. But is saddens me to see some of the people discussed obviously hurt. These are not bad people. They may accept freebies or live their lives in a way some disagree with but they have not done anything truly worthy of the personal bashing some of them have received.
So what if they are cliquey, they spend their time with like minded people doing a similar thing to them - by and large we all do, we just don't do it it public.
Sponsorship aside by accepting freebies they are only doing what every magazine has done for decades. I would well imagine they don't talk about everything they are gifted. Should they declare it? Yes, probably but why should they have higher standards than a magazine. If we ask them to be fully transparent then we should also ask the same from mags etc. When we pay for Vogue, Grazia etc we are very much being paid to be sold to - almost all the editorial is in some way influenced by advertising or gifting.

Stealth advertising is everywhere (sweeties next to checkout? Bakery smells being pumped into supermarkets?) and as adults we should be reasonably aware of this. What really makes me cross is the stealth advertising to our children who don't know about it. YouTuber kids and tweens talking about their new toys/craze! This is stealth advertising at its worse - the world of advertising to children is really regulated but is this area? I don't know.
The other issues under discussion like exposing children's lives / bodyPos posts I'm not going to comment on as I actually don't fully know where I stand.
My main point is, these are people. They aren't bad people. They have feelings and are probably feeling pretty bloody awful right now. Let's try and be mindful of that whilst having any discussion about the wider issues. It's an important discussion to have but we don't need to shame people in the process. Most of them are trying to do something in some way for the greater good whilst also managing family life and even if you don't like the method the intentions are largely good.

MarcelineTheVampire · 05/09/2017 13:44

I just wanted to add further to the discussion, and I don't know if MOD has read the thread but i commented as well as a few others that they really like MOD but wished she do more midwife posts as she could really do some good.

I am so pleased with her latest post as it focuses on exactly that!! Maybe this thread has done some good Smile

therealreginaphalange · 05/09/2017 14:11

I understand being nice about people. I'm the first to call my DH up on any bitchiness about public figures, pointing out that he doesn't know them or what their lives are like. But I do think that if you open yourself up to public attention there will also come scrutiny, sometimes that will be expressed constructively and fairly and sometimes it won't. I've been reading both threads since the start and aside from a few posts think the majority have stayed on track to the discussion (which was, after all, AIBU to be fed up of Instamums, therefore leaving the floor fairly open for general topics). I don't see any similar complaints on threads talking about irrational dislike of actors/singers/public figures and after all, there's not really a difference is there? These are people who've knowingly gone into business in this medium. My point being, all those asking 'Mumsnet' (this big homogenous mass) to be nice, do you never have a moan about an actor or other celebrity, about a brand or service that's disappointed you? I've worked in retail and marketing for years and would love to remind people that when they send hateful messages to a company they are in fact dealing with 'real' people. However as an adult, I accept that's just part and parcel of being in a public facing role and inviting interaction. For the most part people are kind and nice and supportive.

As some of the IG accounts have shown since this went crazy, there's very little mutual respect from 'Instamums' towards their supposedly fellow parents on MN (never mind that many on here aren't mums themselves and neither are many IG followers so the whole debate is a bit moot anyway). And I think it's raised a very valid point - which MP addressed well - about criticism frequently being shut down on IG.

I personally only follow friends and family on IG and have a private account where I share pictures of my DC. I don't follow any public figures' accounts (okay, apart from Britney because she's hilarious) as I'm fully aware they're commercial or probably will be at some point and that just doesn't interest me. I know many friends who follow these public mums on Instagram and that's up to them - it's obviously something people want to read.

No, these people aren't your 'friends', yes it's naive to think they are. However the debates about transparency in advertising are valid - and there's definitely a whole other thread here about children's presence on social media. It's something I'm uncomfortable with hence my private accounts and yet even that feels like a violation - but I do it anyway. I can see how easy it would be to get sucked into it, especially when getting all those endorphin-boosting likes and follows, and suddenly you've crossed a line that it's hard to uncross. It will be interesting to see how those on Instagram who do use their children in this way react over time, and how time changes people's opinions of this. I guarantee we'll be in a very different place 5 years from now - but in which direction I couldn't possibly predict!

Incidentally, do any of you follow any mums on IG who DON'T feature their children, or only do so obliquely (back of head, hand etc). I'd be interested to know if anyone is already tackling that issue actively.

MarcelineTheVampire · 05/09/2017 14:18

@therealreginaphalange Fearne Cotton does this - she and her husband both don't feature their young children. His older children, who seemingly have their own IG accounts and have seemingly been asked if they are happy to be featured appear in some photos.

Underparmummy · 05/09/2017 14:24

Kristin Cavallari is also only backs of heads, hands etc.

I feature some photos of my kids where they could be id'd but most of the time it is backs, heads turned away etc.

I tend to feel that until 4/5 they are MINE and I can post them. Past that I massively ration it and my 7 year old gets to see and ok anything I might post of her on fb or insta.

I think generally people are over sensitive about kid id. Seriously, none would be very interested in me or my kids, there is no reason to be too paranoid about the world imho. I always think when my kids are older I can delete any posts they don't like. HOWEVER these instamums are slightly different in that they are putting their live SO out there in return for money and 'fame' that I do think I'd be more worried in their shoes.

therealreginaphalange · 05/09/2017 14:24

Thanks Marcelline - just checked her out. She does seem to do it quite tastefully (I notice no #ad tags on her posts about her Boots baby clothing range though - okay as it's her range, okay as she's a proper celeb, is it a different issue altogether?). She's obviously been well known for years before becoming a parent so perhaps not in the same vein as the 'Instamums' but good to see.

I guess part of the reason people like reading mum IG accounts (and why the mums like posting) is for the cute kids though so not sure how you stepore daintily over that line...

therealreginaphalange · 05/09/2017 14:25

Thanks underpart will look at hers too!

Waitinforaflamin · 05/09/2017 14:41

thereal Cherry Healy is insteresting in the fact she features her son, but her older daughter (7 or 8) isn't on it as she asked her mum not to and she respects that.

user1464795209 · 05/09/2017 14:46

I find mrs meldrum and Jessica avey highly irritating. Cleaning videos when you have a cleaner come weekly is just asking for some kind of a reaction surely lol !

Dozyoldtwonk · 05/09/2017 14:54

Rochelle Humes and Katie Piper have also chosen not to overtly show their children - just back of head / strategic shots.

I was on the first thread and have been keeping up with interest. This conversation - yes whilst getting personal and nasty in some places (which has rightfully been called out) - is an extremely important one to have, and I think some excellent points have been made. Kudos to the Instamums who have responded positively and constructively, such as Cara Suthers who has herself admitted she isn't sure where she stands on the child exposure topic. I'm not an 'instamum' but I do use Instagram, like it, follow lots of people including some mentioned on this thread, and also post photos of my children on social media. It's all food for thought.

I have also unfollowed Susie Jevrill on the back of this having been a long time follower

user1464795209 · 05/09/2017 14:55

Going chemical free with cleaning products but 'only uses ' Johnsons for the ad video .. bloody laughable

ItsAllAboutThePace · 05/09/2017 14:56

i've never seen mrs meldrum refer to a cleaner......why would she if she does it herself?

anyway.....distinct lack of posting from some instamums lately. they've gone rather quiet

ItsAllAboutThePace · 05/09/2017 15:04

by looking at the insta accounts i bet i could (if i wanted) track their homes down....too much information out there

and we all can see the layout of their homes, their daily schedule,kids schools and activities.....would only take one crazy stalker....

OctoberCarrot · 05/09/2017 15:10

I find if hilarious that mod has suddenly stopped posting insta stories considering she is such a prolific poster.

So disappointing the grandma pukka is only in it to make a few quid.

I dibd it laughable that all these people who propel themselves into the limelight are incapable of takih the bad with the good. You are adored if you are applauding and loving them but as soon as you question them you are the worst in the world.

Susie seems vitriolic - I would take everything she says with a grain of salt.

Absofrigginlootly · 05/09/2017 15:11

Not rtft of either thread as they are waaaay too long now. So I'm sure this has probably been said, by in case any of the instamums read this I'd like to say my piece...

I have 3 concerns with true whole phenomenon (in order of importance):

  1. The violation of their children's right to privacy. I grew up with a narcissist DM who did not validate my own separate sense of personhood - I was viewed as an extension of herself, to mirror back whatever image it was a she wanted to portray about herself. She had no respect for my privacy or appropriate boundaries either.

Sadly I fear a lot of the big instamums are narcissists too, since they shut down any dissenting discussion and block said users - they appear to want to exist in an echo chamber of sycophants.

I know first hand how horribly damaging it is to grow up in such an environment and I just THANK GOD that social media was not around 30 odd years ago!! I'm still coming to terms with my childhood everyday.

  1. I am concerned that Instagram is not regulated in the same way that advertising has to be. These instamums gain a huge following and promote themselves as 'social influencers' - yet seem to take no responsibility to ensure they post evidence based advice. I've seen endless pictures of unsafe cosleeping (sofas, siblings and pillows/duvets in bed), young babies sleeping on their fronts, advocating weaning at 16 weeks into rice cereal, pictures of babies napping in cots with thick duvets, hats, and cot bumpers etc... all pictures as part of a 'lifestyle' they are selling. Whilst I appreciate they aren't presenting themselves as 'experts' they seem to take no responsibility for the fact that they are potentially influencing their followers in unsafe practices.
  1. Minor point, but I wish these mums would be honest. Those who present themselves as 'normal mums' when they are in fact millionaires, with nannies etc. Just be honest!
ElspethFlashman · 05/09/2017 15:20

I'm not sure many are that wealthy to be fair, other than Susie Verrill.

Esther Coren is fairly well off but she's V V open about having a cleaner and a holiday house. Incidentally she posted earlier she got something like 15,000 new followers from this thread? I tried to look back to see if I had misheard but she seems to have deleted it now. Not sure why as her reaction was fairly inoffensive so why would anyone object? You never know what DMs she got though.

LBOCS2 · 05/09/2017 15:24

Oh yes. There's one I follow who has recently moved to an area I know very well. I was interested to see how much she'd paid for her house so I found it on rightmove - mini stalker but because of house prices rather than cut-you-up-in-your-sleep motivations. It was really very easy - ok, a bit of local knowledge helped but not much. I also know where her children go to school for the same reason. I mean, none of it is impossible to find for any 'public' figure but she's not really, she's just someone who puts it out there on a social media platform and perhaps hasn't thought it through so well?