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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd 9yrs spent £96 on iTunes!!!

100 replies

M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:00

Dd have my dh old iPhone. Apple id still on there but password protected, we just found out that she spent £96 in a game. When i asked how she got the password she said she guessed it.
Obviously she is grounded. Told her that she can say goodbye to her phone, and she have to pay back the money she spent from her pocket money. AIBU?
She said she deserves the punishment and she said that she should lock herself in her room for the rest of her life and never give her pocket money again and that she knows that she did s horrible thing.
Now i feel sad for her but don't want to show her. WWUD?

OP posts:
LivingInMidnight · 02/09/2017 14:01

Talk to apple, they might refund you. Get your DH to pick a password that a 9 year old can guess. Or better, that no one can.

Llanali · 02/09/2017 14:01

She's being manipulative: saying that is just to make you feel
Guilty. Stick to your guns, YANBU

LindyHemming · 02/09/2017 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stella23 · 02/09/2017 14:04

She said she deserves the punishment and she said that she should lock herself in her room for the rest of her life and never give her pocket money again and that she knows that she did s horrible thing.
Now i feel sad for her but don't want to show her. WWUD?

Shes just trying to make you feel bad, she's 9 surely she knew what she was doing

Original poster
M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:05

To be honest I don't think she guessed it. She must've looked when he was downloading something for her.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 02/09/2017 14:06

You're falling for that?!

Yes she deserves her punishment - I hope you stick to it.

Leave her on her own to get over the drama queen shit.

Bluelonerose · 02/09/2017 14:07

It depends did she NO she was spending actual money?
Had something similar with my teen and spending £50 on Xbox. (He said he thought he was spending Xbox money)
I've cancelled my card off there. He's had to pay me 10% of his pocket money and do extra jobs around the house until it's paid off

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/09/2017 14:07

Next time turn off in-app purchases as well. It doesn't feel like real money to them especially if it is a game that involves spending game coins too.
I would give her an opportunity to earn money by doing chores as losing pocket money may not make much of a difference to her if she tends to save it like mine do (and then look at me like this Shock when I suggest they use it rather than blagging off me)

Original poster
M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:07

Yes Stella she said she knew it was wrong.
But she was desperate and she doesn't know what she was thinking.
She knows that buying from apple store is a big no no even if it cost a penny.
Its the first time that I ground her and she doesn't object and she say she deserves more. Normally she kicks and cry saying how unfair i am.

OP posts:
NikiBabe · 02/09/2017 14:09

Part of her Christmas present?

Get her less.

I dont understand asking apple to refund. You handed a 9 yo a phone and didnt put barriers in place to stop her spending or make the password unbreakable.

AlternativeTentacle · 02/09/2017 14:09

If she is going to pay you back, then those songs are hers so you need to find a way of punishing her without taking the phone.

And you are the parent, put a better password on. Sheesh.

Original poster
M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:10

She knew its actual money. As she asked before and I explained that to her.

OP posts:
Nightmanagerfan · 02/09/2017 14:10

You can set the phone up as a child's device, which is linked to your apple ID. Every time a child wants to purchase something the apple ID owner (i.e. parent/guardian) gets an alert and can approve the purchase or not. This might be a better solution for the future.

StatueInTheSky · 02/09/2017 14:11

dd used to do that, but she'd write notes about how awful she was and was the WORST thing she'd ever done, and promise never to be naughty ever again, if she could help it.

before she could write she would sing made up songs "oh woe, I did such a bad thiiiiiiiinnnnng, and now I am so alonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne in my roooooom, and saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

Change the password, keep the punishment and then let it go!
DD is a well adjusted 20+year old now if that helps any.

Original poster
M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:12

Am so 😡. Was going to take her to choose a gift today and just told her that its not on anymore

OP posts:
2rebecca · 02/09/2017 14:12

It sounds like too fancy a phone for a 9 year old. Mine had PAYG phones at that age with no options to purchase stuff.

mintbiscuit · 02/09/2017 14:13

Stick to your guns. She needs to learn that if we do something wrong then we need to be held accountable for our actions.

Could you explore other options of repaying it back as £96 is likely to take a while on 9 year old wages! In the past I have made ds1 do jobs to repay a debt. Obvs age appropriate ones. He is currently having to clean the cat litter trays out every week until he has repaid a phone bill he ran up calling overseas ( £15 ). He would have earnt £1.50 per job and we take that amount off his debt.

TheVanguardSix · 02/09/2017 14:14

She's 9! The concept of money is still quite lost on many kids this age. Make this your first and only, hopefully, expensive lesson! You should all be punished. I'm joking! Sort of.

But OP, I speak from my own experiences (plural). Your kids cannot have your passwords. Hold firm on that and change them frequently. Have the talk. Your DD needs to learn from this and this is her chance to really learn that money is earned by hard-working parents. It doesn't grow on trees. Use all the cliche/stock phrases! £96 on games means £96 that you won't have for (i.e.) groceries/music lessons/that trip to Euro Disney, etc.

Been there more than once. But we've finally learned. It's an expensive lesson. May it only be a one-off.

TheVanguardSix · 02/09/2017 14:17

And OP... kids are sooo damn crafty with the passwords. They don't guess. They watch and learn fast! They observe us. You're being studied. Grin

You have to really be one step ahead.

KurriKurri · 02/09/2017 14:19

Statueinthesky - that made me laugh - your DD sounds like a real character Grin

OP - I think what you have done is fine, you've done the punishment - stick to it, but now draw a line. And if she tries the 'I'm so terrible' sack cloth and ashes stuff, tell her casually not to be a drama llama and don;t fall for it. Sounds like she won't do it again.

TheVanguardSix · 02/09/2017 14:20

Yes, yes to paying back via chores (skip going for the refund. It's on you, unfortunately. We hand kids phones. We pay the piper).

We had DS garden, pull weeds, paint a wall (he's 15 though and our expensive lessons only arrived in the past year). I'd totally reconsider handing a phone with internet access to a 9 year old. You're expecting too much.

Booboobooboo84 · 02/09/2017 14:20

Contact apple they do have a policy to refund if a child purchases in error but they will only do it once.

So moneywise that should be it solved however punishment wise just stick to what you've said then when the punishment is over it's over.

Booboobooboo84 · 02/09/2017 14:21

You could reduce her pocket money for a fixed term then have her donate it to a charity

RainbowPastel · 02/09/2017 14:22

Apple will refund you. My Dd spent a lot more than that and we got it all back.

StatueInTheSky · 02/09/2017 14:22

Kurri ...we all sing "ohhh woeeeeeeee!" if something bad happens to remind her!

but yes...def don't fall for the sorrow-guilting!

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