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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd 9yrs spent £96 on iTunes!!!

100 replies

M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:00

Dd have my dh old iPhone. Apple id still on there but password protected, we just found out that she spent £96 in a game. When i asked how she got the password she said she guessed it.
Obviously she is grounded. Told her that she can say goodbye to her phone, and she have to pay back the money she spent from her pocket money. AIBU?
She said she deserves the punishment and she said that she should lock herself in her room for the rest of her life and never give her pocket money again and that she knows that she did s horrible thing.
Now i feel sad for her but don't want to show her. WWUD?

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 02/09/2017 14:23

You're doing the right thing.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 02/09/2017 14:26

I'd stick to the punishment.
My Dd spent £70 on two phone calls to an old school friend who lives in another country, we moved to UK a few years back.
She thought she had free calls, 500 mins a month on her iphone. Had to explain they were only of use in Europe, along with the free texts.
I have paid it, her phone is taken away till school starts tuesday, she was mortified. I think the fact that she really thought she could use the minutes means her being so upset she did this means I'm not punishing any further. Her friends number is deleted and she can only contact her on instagram with her iPad.
Oh she's 12.

Original poster
M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:26

I told her no pocket money for 6 weeks thats £60 and she handed me £20 she had and the gift she was going to have that will cover the £96.
Tbh i am angry at dh as well as he does buy stuff every now and then and i think she got it from him

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 02/09/2017 14:28

I've been there - with ds. Twice! Blush

We're too soft / trusting / stupid - clearly! He seems to be cured now

Proudmummytodc2 · 02/09/2017 14:32

I have heard if you phone Apple they will refund you once if this happens but if it happens again it's your own fault my friend was told this direct from Apple she got £206 because of her 5 year old at the time.

Also I don't get they your angry at DH he is a grown adult and is entitled to spend his own money on things he wants/needs. That just sounds silly blaming your DH as after all it's his money to spend on what he wants it's down to both of you as parents to teach your DD to ask first simple as that.

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 02/09/2017 14:36

OP my DD did this plus took a load of money out of my DP's wallet, altogether it came to £95. She basically got no pocket money for nearly 6 months until the full amount had been paid back. We also got the "Oh I'm so sorry, I am bad ..." letter from her. Stick to your guns and make her pay it all back, and don't let her manipulate you. Our DD was 12 at the time .

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 14:43

You give her £10 a week pocket money!Shock £96 probably doesn't seem that much to her then.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 02/09/2017 14:44

Contact Apple! My DD bought virtual pearls and mermaid food, parental settings had accidentally been turned off in a factory reset the week before. £170 ish when I was watching the pennies. The bills arrived, in 2 sets, minutes into my birthday and I was devastated, I think she was lucky that I'd slept on it before talking to her. I rang Apple and explained, burst into tears partway through as I was so stressed! Less than 4 minutes talking to them, I was able to point out that the spending was completely out of character and they cancelled the whole thing. Phew!

LuLuuuuuuu · 02/09/2017 14:45

Manipulative much !

Piggywaspushed · 02/09/2017 14:53

Guess I sound old fashioned but I dodn't understand why a 9 year old needs aphone.

DS2 is 13 and still hasn't got one. he's asked maybe twice. He'll get one at some point.

Was only just bollocking DS1 yesterday for spending £8.99 without asking on iTunes and he's 16!

You can disable the bankcard from the phone really easily. I know because I did it yesterday! only free apps from now on for DS1

SaveMeBarry · 02/09/2017 14:54

If she is going to pay you back, then those songs are hers so you need to find a way of punishing her without taking the phone.

Seriously?? I'm boggled by the way some people's minds work Shock
The child knowingly took money that wasn't hers and is now obliged to pay it back. It really doesnt follow that now she's entitled to what she bought with that money! Christ if that's the accepted logic why wouldn't she consider it perfectly reasonable to spend her parents money without permission on the basis she's going to pay it back over a couple of months?

Piggywaspushed · 02/09/2017 14:54

So,anyway, I'd actually remove the phone. She has shown she is not mature enough yet.

What on earth cost £96???

hannah1992 · 02/09/2017 14:56

My dd did this when she was 4! She was playing on dh tablet and bought loads of stuff off google 😂 Luckily I rang them and they refunded it. Amounted to over £200 for the same thing for the same game so she must have just kept on pressing buy over and over.

She was 4 though at 9 she knew what she was doing and saying that is to guilt trip so don't fall for it

Original poster
M2R2 · 02/09/2017 14:58

Is £10 a lot? She usually save it. Last year she paid for her tickets for a holiday. She pay if she wants something. She was starting to save for a wii.
I don't give her money for chores as i want her to learn that she need to do them no matter what.
Found her sobbing in her room burying herself under some covers.
Me: what are u doing its too hot.
Her: I don't deserve to be seen.
Me: get out and stop being a drama queen.
Her: I deserve to die.
Me: (couldn't help but laugh) come on stop that. You did something wrong and you got your punishment. Now you should learn from your mistake and never do it again.
Her: do you forgive me.
Me: i do. But am still angry and punishment is still on.
Few mn of silent.
Her: so i know punishment is on and I can't have my phone but can we forget about it and get on with our life
🙄

OP posts:
SaveMeBarry · 02/09/2017 15:02

Grin Amend to punishment is on, I can't have my phone AND it's all to be paid back and we're getting somewhere!

LuLuuuuuuu · 02/09/2017 15:03

You should get her into a stage school OP

That dramatic at 9 . . She would go far

Nanny0gg · 02/09/2017 15:04

Why does a nine year-old have unsupervised internet access?

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/09/2017 15:06

It's easy to say 'sorry' and weep and wail and take the punishments and demand more etc etc.

But be careful. Some of them (I have one) would rather do the crime and then take the punishment than NOT do it in the first place. So maybe reconsider her having a phone at all? Unless you are sure that she's really learned her lesson.

forestlife101 · 02/09/2017 15:07

I'm more concerned about the level and skill of manipulation she's showing.

Original poster
M2R2 · 02/09/2017 15:10

Already told her her phone is out of the question. Told her she broke my trust and there is no way i will let her have a phone again ( at least not in the near future).
About her in a drama school. I agree she would fly.

OP posts:
OhOfCourse · 02/09/2017 15:13

My son did this once. He was mortified. I got the money back from Apple and he never did it again.

Tinkerbec · 02/09/2017 15:13

I've been there - with ds. Twice! blush

We're too soft / trusting / stupid - clearly! He seems to be cured now

Same here.

One was that I accidentally left in app purchases on. Some apps do trick kids. Thinking they are spending gems off a game and not real money.

SaveMeBarry · 02/09/2017 15:16

Oh come on forestlife the level and skill of manipulation, really? Hmm

She's being a drama llama I'll grant you but it's hardly unheard of for young children to turn on the water works when they've done something wrong. I think some people can be quite quick to judge little girls as manipulative and I suspect a 9 year old boy might not be described in such strong terms in the same circumstances.

BMW6 · 02/09/2017 15:16

Blimey. She's very canny.

Tinkerbec · 02/09/2017 15:20

Oh come on forestlife the level and skill of manipulation, really? hmm

She's being a drama llama I'll grant you but it's hardly unheard of for young children to turn on the water works when they've done something wrong. I think some people can be quite quick to judge little girls as manipulative and I suspect a 9 year old boy might not be described in such strong terms in the same circumstances.

Agree! She is 9! Hardly Niccolò Machiavelli.

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