Dd 9yrs spent £96 on iTunes!!!

[M2R2]

Dd have my dh old iPhone. Apple id still on there but password protected, we just found out that she spent £96 in a game. When i asked how she got the password she said she guessed it.
Obviously she is grounded. Told her that she can say goodbye to her phone, and she have to pay back the money she spent from her pocket money. AIBU?
She said she deserves the punishment and she said that she should lock herself in her room for the rest of her life and never give her pocket money again and that she knows that she did s horrible thing.
Now i feel sad for her but don't want to show her. WWUD?

Have you talked to Apple?

Or are you just happy to give away the best part of £100?

I'll pm you my bank details in that case

Talk to Apple, get the money back.

Set up an id for her, set up family sharing and then set up Ask to Buy.

Ime a 9 yo boy wouldn't get emotionally manipulative in the same way as a girl would.

I see it with ds female friends, differences are stark.

Dh just talked to apple they will refund us phew.
Am I naughty not to tell her and keep her punishment of paying back?

Yes, £40 a month is a lot for a 9 year old.

Set up Family Sharing on the phone and set it so that she can only make purchases if an adult agrees to it on their device.

I wouldn't tell her. You were lucky to get the money back and you don't want to confuse her by letting her know that sometimes you can get a refund. It's stealing, another year and she'll be above the age of criminal responsibility. If she continues to take/spend what isn't hers she's going to come a cropper at some point. I say that from the point of view of having a DD who goes through periods of stealing and it's awful and worrying.

M2R2 I wouldn't not tell her as that's dishonest but I'd probably still reduce her pocket money for a few weeks so she's not getting off too lightly. £96 is a lot of money so I'd feel that the "crime" needed to have a financial implication for her. But then I'm harsh and yes we do punishments as well as consequence!

Not naughty not to tell her, just sensible.

Tbh, she shouldn't really have that type of phone at 9 years old, IMO. Get her the cheapest mode going, with the lowest tariff. Glad you are getting a refund. Guard all passwords carefully from now on.

What she's said is the same as my 11 year old would say in the circumstances. In fact he did when he bought (thankfully only) £15 of FIFA points on his Xbox. I made him pay me back and confiscated his devices, he was only reacting that way cos he'd been caught and had his stuff taken off him! If he hadn't been I doubt the guilt would have kicked in ;)

My son did this a few years back.Nearly £300 I phoned iTunes straight away.Got a refund from the naice young lady and promptly sorted passwords on phone from his sticky little fingers.

Talk to Apple, get the refund.
Punish your daughter!

Bake am scared how she will be in teen years. She seams like a teen already

(My son bought £18 of cupcakes via an app at the age of 2 before we protected the account!)

I feel sorry for her tbh.
No way would mine have even had a phone at that age let alone the ability to do that.
I think it's awful that she feels so bad and don't think she's trying to manipulate at all.
yes, she did wrong but does she have a concept of the value of money at her age?
Contact Apple, secure passwords and give her a payg phone suitable for her age.

If Apple are refunding, does that mean the game disappears?

Your 9yo gets £10 a week?! The ones I know get £1/£2 and that includes chores!

I don't think it's all a nine year olds fault to be honest, you gave her a phone without barriers in place to stop it happening, I think it's everybody's fault and a lesson learned for everyone involved. It reminds me of these kids that are given felt tips as toddlers then parents are amazed when the child has drawn over the walls when not being supervised. I understand you must be angry but is it really all her fault, it's like putting a sweetie on the table and telling her not to eat it, somtimes things are hard to resist as a child.

If you tell her she'll think that it's ok to do it again because she'll get a refund.

Don't let her know that you have a refund and yes, keep to the punishment.

She sneaks into knowing the password. Its not like we give it to her. She does know the value of money.
It was an in-app purchase like coins and stuff. Not all in one go. there was about 10 purchase. She got carried away and i think she didn't think that we will ever know.
There will be no phone for a long time. But we she have it back i will make sure she have the kids ID.

Also disable in app purchases. Then it requires an additional password to turn them back on before it ever gets to the iTunes stage.
Settings/General/Restrictions
Turn off in app purchases

I always have it turned off.

I think the issue is9 year olds think phones are toys ; of course they do, they play games on them. And it is so easy to spend money unwittingly on some of these games; that is how thye make their money!
Phones aren't toys. The only reason I can think of giving a 9 year old a phone is for emergency use .

Am I naughty not to tell her and keep her punishment of paying back?

You mean take her money from her? Isn't that called stealing?

Nwatchwatcher, cupcakes are a good purchase! I'd be quite pleased! ( How cute xx)