Arghhhhh.
I really really need some advice. Basically DH and his asshole free-loading younger brother are making my life a living hell in my own home. I work a very stressful job, I have 3 children under the age of 6. My 6 year old DS is autistic. I am 3000 miles from home and have no family or friends in the UK which is DH's home country. I want to hop on a plane and take my kids back to the USA.
There is a high paying job with top notch private medical care paid for by my employer, a beautiful house and a warm, loving extended family waiting there for me. But if I hop on a plane and take my babies out of the country without Dh's permission it is kidnapping. I will go to jail. So basically I am stuck. It is very hard to get your children out of the country if their father doesn't want you too. I don't want to take the kids away from their dad but I sure as hell cannot stay in this situation any longer. This has become a hell house.
I really need to know if I am being unreasonable and if any of you have any advice.
My DH has always been a dickhead but it has got a lot worse since his mum died two years ago. My brother feels very responsible for his younger brother now that their mum is gone. BILFH (brother in law from hell) is 24 years old and 15 years younger than DH. When MIL was dying of cancer brother in law was age 21. He lived in her house and refused to help her or work very often because he "didn't want too". Two weeks before she died she could hardly feed herself yet she was trying to iron's BILFH's clothes and tidy his room. I really hate the little bastard. DH thought it would be "unreasonable" of me to tell him off. I blamed MIL for being a doormat and kept my mouth shut.
In February 2006, after working very hard and saving every penny, DH and I bought a lovely 4 bedroom house. The WEEK we moved in to this house so did BILFH. I protested, I said no way can he move in. DH and BILFH ignored me. They moved BILFH into bedroom 4. Then they packed bedroom 3 full of BILFH's and DH's junk. My two young children (different sexes) were crammed into bedroom 2 and myself and DH and 18 month old baby shared bedroom one. I worked very hard for this house so we could have some space. Now I am sharing a bedroom with an 18 month old and I am pissed off. I also lost the cellar that I had planned to turn into a utility room, gym and storage area to BILFH's belongings.
I told BILFH that I didn't want him here, even if he was paying rent for his room. He said that he is staying as long as DH says he can. BILFH also said that it would be stupid for him to rent a flat and pay out for that when he could crash at my house for less money. He and his fat ass whore girlfriend are trying to save up to buy a house and didn't want to pay out for rent ona flat.
BILFH doesn't work very much and was (on a daily basis) bring really strange lads into my house, trampling mud up the stairs and just generally freaking me out. I asked DH and BILFH to put a stop to these strange men being brought into my home around my kids. DH said "No" and "fuck off" and BILFH said he can do what he wants. DH was kind enough to remind me that BILFH has "rights" as a tenant and can bring whomever he wants into the house whenever whether I like it or not. Ummm. Okay. Do I have any fucking rights as a homeowner who is working her ass off to pay the mortgage? Apparantly not.
BILFH refused to help out with any housework, including cleaning his own room, or help out with the kids. He would use every dish of mine and leave them up in his room filthy. Maybe after about a month he would bring the pile down and do a half ass job of washing them.
BILFH's girlfriend FAW (fat ass whore ) stayed over every night (she has a rented room of her own across town), made a fucking mess, ate my food, and refused to help out around the house. When I complained to DH he again reminded me about BILFH's right's as a tenant. BILFH has the right to bring people in the house if he is paying for the room. Asshole.
Well let's see now where did this all go? Living in a foreign country, having 3 young children (one autistic), and working a very stressful job where I swich between days and nights and work 15 hour shifts with life and death responsibility, and having no family support this side of the Atlantic started to get to me. This combined with strange lads being brought into the house, having no privacy in my own home and the house being a disgrace because of all the mud getting tracked in really got me down. DH and BILFH told me that if I am feeling upset it is because I am crazy and can't cope as a mother.
At this point I was begging DH to kick BILFH out on a daily basis. BILFH knew this but refused to go until he got around to buying a house when it is convienent for him.
So I decided to go on strike. I stopped doing the housework except for necessary things to keep the kids safe. I started smoking cigarettes more. I started yelling and swearing at DH and BILFH a lot.
After a year in March 2007 BILFH got sick of me swearing at him and went to live with girlfriend FAW. The day after BILFH moved out, BILFH and FAW phoned social services and told them that I curse in front of the kids, that I ignore my children to smoke cigarettes, and that the house is a tip. The house was a tip at that time but the rest is bullshit.
I did NOT get into any trouble with social services because basically they could tell that BILFH is an asshole. They had to come out anyway though. My kids were clean and happy and so was the house. My kids have never been injured or been to A&E. Anyway, there was no sign that I was doing anything wrong as a mother and it was obvious to them that BILFH was just being a dick. He recorded me on his phone shouting at him to "prove" to social services that I am "unstable". Social services basically told him to fuck off. LOL.
That was nice but here is my problem. BILFH may have left but all of his belongings are still here taking up space and he is refusing to move them. He does not have anywhere to put them and doesn't want to pay for a flat or a storage unit somewhere. There is no room at FAW's. DH is refusing to make BILFH move his stuff out. They have told me that if I try to get that stuff moved or touch any of BILFH's belongings they will call the cops for damaging BILFH's property.
Oh yeah and if I try to leave, or take the kids anywhere or try and throw DH out as well the 3 of them will call social services and tell them that I am an unfit mother. I am not really worried about that since it's not true but still.....it's their word against mine. The 3 of them. DH will fight for custody of the kids and will do everything in his power to show that I am an "unfit" mother. I am a foreigner here and he is British so I imagine that the law would be on his side?
They emotionally abused their own mother it's not surprising that I am having to take this kind of shit now.
Am I being unreasonable to get this upset?
What can I do?
Help.
Rant over.