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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to respond to friend and her child?

81 replies

Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 20:10

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive? I'm away with my friend she has ds7 I have ds7 and ds10.

We have very different attitudes to a lot of things inc food, but she makes constant comments 're food to me. I don't usually let mine have cola buts it's not a never item.

I said to my boys while at a resturant you can choose a glass of cola or a pudding. They always choose pudding. Friend made a dig and her 7yr spent all dinner saying I got both! I got both! I said nothing as I didn't know what to say.

Her son always says I don't want siblings my life is better because I don't have to share. He is the Apple of his mum's eye and she never blinks or says anything.

This is the first and last trip away should I respond to a 7yr old?? If I say something to my friend she will be very offended, but I'm annoyed at the digs from the both of them!

OP posts:
CopperHandle · 01/09/2017 20:12

They both sound like shits

silverbell64 · 01/09/2017 20:14

Just give them a wide birth in the future.

Sayyouwill · 01/09/2017 20:16

I would say something to your friend.

Just say that you don't appreciate her child teasing your children for them not having both coke and a pudding. And perhaps tell her your reasons behind that decision.
She may be blissfully ignorant that her child's behaviour is upsetting you

Original poster
Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 20:18

Will never go away with them again!! Funny though her son is saying is the best thing ever having playmates... Friend has said it's the easiest holiday shes been on...

It's such as shame she's a very intelligent woman in a high role but when it comes to kids she's weak. Guess she will always be in first born mode.

OP posts:
Cruciatus · 01/09/2017 20:19

I have a wonderful friend whom I adore and I had a similar problem. The solution turned out to be spending time together without children. We tried holidays and it just was the scenario you described over and over, it was too hard to deal with and of course everyone is entitled to choose their parenting standards.

Original poster
Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 20:21

Sayyouwill you're right I will just have to be polite but point It out to her. I just think she will say they are only young once! Sorry for drip feeding but she is very overweight and her son is thin so she says it's ok...

OP posts:
Original poster
Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 20:24

Cruciatus I will be doing the same!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/09/2017 20:24

She should have pulled him up over the gloating about the cola/pudding.

I don't see what's wrong with the sibling thing though. It's either just his opinion (which he's entitled to) or he's trying to convince himself he doesn't want a sibling, when perhaps he does.

FluffyPineapple · 01/09/2017 20:25

If it's the last time you will have to spend time with them say nothing.... Get home and vow to keep in touch with friend, via text or social media, but never, ever, put yourself in a position where you or your ds's have to endure that pampered, obnoxious, brat ever again.

GreenTulips · 01/09/2017 20:30

Why not just step in and say 'it's rude to tease' lift eyebrows

Because whilst you aren't standing up you are accepting them being quite frankly bullied - so you are equal in your sons treatment.

Look up bystanders and stop being one

Vinorosso74 · 01/09/2017 20:32

Don't go away with them again!
I recently spent a few days with a friend who has a DD same age as mine, the girls get on well but as they are getting older it is becoming clear her DD is quite spoilt which I found a bit hard as my DD is hardly deprived but we don't let her have everything little thing she wants. My DD is quite full on but I was impressed how well she behaved compared to friend's DD.

BabsGanoush · 01/09/2017 20:35

Her son always says I don't want siblings my life is better because I don't have to share.

I wonder where he got that idea?

Original poster
Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 20:36

GreenTulips rude much?? You sound like my friend!! A 7yr old saying I got both! is hardly bullying. Very annoying but not bulling. My two were amused, they are laid back plus they have siblings... it was water off a ducks back for them.

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 01/09/2017 20:37

Ignore them maybe?

EezerGoode · 01/09/2017 20:40

My son and I met my friend and her son for lunch...boys are 8. My son wined and moaned at being made to have a normal children's lunch.with a water....my friend bought her son a coke and a slice of sponge cake..my son sat and ate and scowled.her son climbed all over the furniture laughing saying I got coke and cake,you didn't......another time I met them at the park.i took my son a water bottle.and I brought 2 cans for my friend and I...she gave her can to her son,and he laughed and teased mine that he didn't have a can...I have many instances like this...my friend smiles indulgingly at her son,never tells him of or makes him do anything he dosnt want to....needless to say I won't arrange anything that includes the boys again.ever.

Gemini69 · 01/09/2017 20:42

she sounds like hard work ... avoidFlowers

AcrossthePond55 · 01/09/2017 20:42

Well, you know you won't be going away with them again!

If you're at the start of the trip I'd mention it to her with the realization that the rest of the trip may be a bit 'tense' if she doesn't take it well. If you're at the end of the trip I'd probably grit my teeth and just explain to my children that different parents have different rules and that friend's son is not nice to tease but that they should ignore his rudeness. They'll learn a good lesson in manners and forbearance.

zeeboo · 01/09/2017 20:50

I'm sorry, I'm stillHmm at the 'fizzy beverage or pudding' concept Envy

DJBaggySmalls · 01/09/2017 20:52

I dont think she's doing her kid any favours, and it wont harm yours to learn to grit their teeth and feign politeness in the face of provocation.
If it were me, I'd give them a surprise reward for dealing with it.

FindoGask · 01/09/2017 20:52

"My two were amused, they are laid back plus they have siblings... it was water off a ducks back for them."

Right, so why are you so annoyed then? Sounds like a lot of fuss about nothing. You and your friend have different attitudes to food, you both sound a bit defensive, but her defensiveness is manifesting as unfunny jokes at your expense. You don't sound as if you like his mum very much though so I'm not sure why you're friends.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 01/09/2017 20:55

I'm sorry, I'm stillhmm at the 'fizzy beverage or pudding' concept

What do you mean? I say the same, you can't drink AND eat sugar. One or the other.

OwlinaTree · 01/09/2017 20:56

I must admit that although it's not the subject of the thread I would tend to relax the rules around healthy eating on holiday. It's part of the joy of a holiday! My son had ice-cream pretty much every day on holiday, that would never happen at home!

icantgetnosleep5 · 01/09/2017 20:57

God ditch those two !

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 01/09/2017 21:01

YANBU OP - but - it is sounding like the forbidden fruit. Rather than ban stuff, I point out the positives of the good stuff but it doesn't always work. I had a nephew who ate nothing but microwave pizza between the ages of 11 and 16 and he's now 6' foot 4 and in the navy.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2017 21:04

If you're going to go on holiday with/spend time with people or eat out together, isn't it prudent to agree rules together for all the children so this doesn't happen? I always negotiate with friends in these circumstances so the kids have the same. This way, no children are disappointed.

As for the not wanting a sibling, it sounds as though he actually has strongly expressed a desire for one and this is the solution his mother has found to appease her guilt. Give the lad a break. He's only 7 and the product of his environment. I'm sure this is annoying but his mum sounds like the arse, not him and you're not totally blameless because you didn't agree ground rules with her.

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