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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to respond to friend and her child?

81 replies

Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 20:10

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive? I'm away with my friend she has ds7 I have ds7 and ds10.

We have very different attitudes to a lot of things inc food, but she makes constant comments 're food to me. I don't usually let mine have cola buts it's not a never item.

I said to my boys while at a resturant you can choose a glass of cola or a pudding. They always choose pudding. Friend made a dig and her 7yr spent all dinner saying I got both! I got both! I said nothing as I didn't know what to say.

Her son always says I don't want siblings my life is better because I don't have to share. He is the Apple of his mum's eye and she never blinks or says anything.

This is the first and last trip away should I respond to a 7yr old?? If I say something to my friend she will be very offended, but I'm annoyed at the digs from the both of them!

OP posts:

kateandme · 02/09/2017 08:55

ok please don't make this bout food choices because then I cant agree.plenty of kids have cola and pudding and can be healthy.if its in balance with other meals etc.and they are away.who doesn't get to let loose on holiday!
but yes to the teasing maybe directing not directing.so say to your boys it ok kids everyones diferent in what they are allowed doesn't mean your getting a worse deal ok.just on things like this its our house rules.and mention something you do that others don't and that its how you do things that you thinks right.

EternalOptimistToo · 02/09/2017 09:00

My answer to the 7yo comment would be
'Yes, we have different rules in our families. You get a Coke and a pudding and x and y get a Coke or a pudding. Interesting how people do things differently isn't it?'
When he mentions that it's better to be a single child, points out that there are advantages and disadvantages (e.g. You have a playmate with yOU ALL the time but you also have to learn to live together).

In effect being as neutral as you can whilst clearly making the point that one isn't better than the other (which is what he is implying), just different.

For the rest (the activity, restaurant etc...), best to let her do her things her way and carry in with plans. As you did.

Fanciedachange17 · 02/09/2017 09:17

Well it's the end of the holiday now so why make a fuss on MN? Greentulip was right in saying the time to act was when the event happened not seethe with resentment and look for validation on the internet.
You seem a bit judgemental about your friend anyway. Why mention her weight unless to feel superior that your food choices are much better than hers?

missmollyhadadolly · 02/09/2017 09:33

How is GreenTulips being rude or a 'meany'?

mumeeee · 02/09/2017 09:39

Her son was being rude and a bit cheeky to keep saying that and teasing your DCs.
However your boys are 7 and 10 not little children and they are on holiday. So I can't see why you don't let them have both.
I was strict with my DDs when they were young children but relaxed a bit on holiday

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoor · 02/09/2017 09:45

He's 7 years old, not a little shit.

He's correct in that being an only child he doesn't have to share!

I think your response to the cola/pudding gloating should have been directed at your dc "thanks for being ok with sticking with our families rules kids, perhaps next time we're with df dc we can relax the rules a little" Praise their resilience, not all kids have it.

My 8 yr old dd would have been in tears over such a food injustice (I always check rules with other families beforehand because of this).

Looneytune253 · 02/09/2017 09:52

I think a standard, polite 'thats not very nice' or words to that effect might make them both realise it's not appropriate.

Isetan · 02/09/2017 09:54

Completely agree with GreenTulip, if some kid was mocking my child you damn right I'd pull them up on it, screw their crap parent. Where do you think your children are going to learn to assert themselves, are going to learn to say no to bullying, yes bullying because that's exactly what he was doing. Your friend is setting a poor example for her child and your children and you are too by being silent.

I'm not getting this stunned into silence that adults hide behind to not show leadership. I have given up a friendship or two over the years due to some horrendous examples of crappy parents, can't be friends with someone who I can't respect and who doesn't respect me or my child.

Balaboosteh · 02/09/2017 09:59

I might put a cola or pudding rule in place because they add so much to a restaurant bill on holiday when you eat out more it makes sense to teach the children to economise and make choices. As for the child and parent, every family puts their boundaries I different places -which is why from expience I am very very careful about holidaying with other parents and children!

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 02/09/2017 10:02

I would have responded by telling her DS that gloating isn't a very nice thing to do, and I would have had a conversation later with my two about how I would expect them never to behave like that and how proud I was at how they handled it.

However, if your friend made the initial dig then it sounds like you may have a bigger problem than a gloating 7 year old.

I'd just agree with him about the only child stuff.

Capricorn76 · 02/09/2017 10:07

This thread is quite nasty plus I'd be massively surprised if the kid acted like Horrid Henry all holiday and OPs acted like Perfect Peter.

OP just don't go on holiday again with them. You clearly don't like your 'fat friend' and her spoilt 'only child' (as though being spoilt and not having siblings are intrinsically linked?

Maybe you and your perfect kids can indulge your perfect behaviour, eating habits and slim bodies on holiday alone next year?

MamaOfTwos · 02/09/2017 10:08

He'll grow up to be a vile little shit and in 20 years people will be telling his wife to LTB!

RebeccaWrongDaily · 02/09/2017 10:40

if it hadn't been about food (which people seem to be focussing on) and he was boasting about something else/having more toys etc. you'd have probably got a different response.

I don't think his parents inability to conceive a sibling for him (if that's what it is) should let him behave like an absolute brat towards yours.

Capricorn76 · 02/09/2017 10:54

FFS why are people assuming he is a bit rude because he doesn't have a sibling? I know absolute delightful only children (two teens) who are high achieving, lovely and a credit to their equally lovely parents. I also know a younger only child who is pretty rude but that's because his dad is the same. I also know of a local woman with three kids and she is foul mouthed and I've heard all of her kids are bully's.

Both the mum and kid maybe very happy with not having siblings. I have a close friend with an only daughter and they are both genuinely happy. The parents don't feel 'guilty' about anything.

I wish people would stop projecting their own issues on to other people.

As an aside I've yet to see a 6 or 7 year old who has never boasted or one upped a friend even the ones who seemingly act like perfect peter 99% of the time. Yes the mother should show she disapproves but he's not some weird freak displaying unheard of behaviours. It can easily be corrected and is quite common. He is not a 'little shit', what an awful thing to say about a small child.

GreenTulips · 02/09/2017 10:59

It can easily be corrected

The point was they neither OP or friend Did correct him. Both are to blame

RebeccaWrongDaily · 02/09/2017 11:03

the one I am referring to most definitely is/can be! I feel sorry for him but my own kids are my own priority at all times.

Mine are not perfect Peters, but they have (or certainly 'had') the only child of divorced/divorcing parents (neither of whom want to upset him) constantly lying/putting them down.

I started to grill him about his 'trip to the Olympics he was going on' (when i say grill I said 'ooh lovely, who's taking you there- mummy or daddy? I'll have to find out the details' and then saying to his parents (in front of him) 'I believe you're off on an exciting trip soon?'
and 'when he went to Disneyland in America' (we were going to Disneyland Paris) Why should my kids be expected to suck it up?

No hate here on only children, my DC1 was an only for 13 years and even though they were spoiled --rotten- they were told that they were lucky and if found to be bragging / boasting it'd stop. They are now a very sensible, very low key adult.

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoor · 02/09/2017 12:51

He'll grow up to be a vile little shit and in 20 years people will be telling his wife to LTB!

Because at 7 years old he was goady??? I've heard it all now! What a nasty thing to say.

mirialis · 02/09/2017 13:22

Why could you not explain the boy's situation privately to your children and also say "oh it's not very nice to gloat" to the 7 year old in front of them?

You sound like the childish one.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/09/2017 14:15

Complete non issue in my opinion and just the kind of silly thing that 7 year olds say. If either of your kids had been bothered by it or the child had been banging on to the extent it was repetitive and annoying then I would have expected the mum to step in. If your kids were amused as you say though I think you're creating an issue out of nothing. My kids would probably have agreed with him that it would be better not to have a sibling and told him all his teeth would probably fall out from the sugar in your situation. Except it wouldn't happen as I would let them and myself have a soft drink and a pudding when on holiday

RebeccaWrongDaily · 02/09/2017 14:30

and if the parents don't step in you just leave it?

m0therofdragons · 02/09/2017 15:28

The cola thing; I'd laugh and say yep I'm a mean mummy. Oh well dc are stuck with me.

Sibling thing; true about sharing but my dc have a ready made friend so it's swings and roundabouts. Neither better, just different.

Light hearted responses but a bit matter of fact.

Lostwithinthehills · 02/09/2017 15:49

it's good to have siblings because you've always got someone to play with

I hope adults don't tell only children things like this! Children don't get to choose whether they have siblings or not and many many parents don't have the luxury of choosing to have more than one child.

Life can be good and bad whether you have siblings or none.

Lostwithinthehills · 02/09/2017 15:52

my dc have a ready made friend while some other children hate their siblings.

Also if your children have 'a ready made friend' they could be insular and lazy about meeting new people while an only child could be open and good at engaging with everyone they meet because they haven't got that safety blanket.

derxa · 02/09/2017 16:12

This food rule on holiday is bonkers! Telling a 10 year old they can choose between a coke and a pudding. When does stop? 12? 14?
The waiter comes round and asks, 'What would you like to drink?'
OP says, 'They'll have tap water'. a la Kenny Craig from Little Britain.

deadringer · 02/09/2017 16:17

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. He is only 7 and boasting about getting something that your kids didn't, it's not nice but not a big deal. Your friend sounds a bit wet though.

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