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Original poster

How to respond to friend and her child?

81 replies

Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 20:10

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive? I'm away with my friend she has ds7 I have ds7 and ds10.

We have very different attitudes to a lot of things inc food, but she makes constant comments 're food to me. I don't usually let mine have cola buts it's not a never item.

I said to my boys while at a resturant you can choose a glass of cola or a pudding. They always choose pudding. Friend made a dig and her 7yr spent all dinner saying I got both! I got both! I said nothing as I didn't know what to say.

Her son always says I don't want siblings my life is better because I don't have to share. He is the Apple of his mum's eye and she never blinks or says anything.

This is the first and last trip away should I respond to a 7yr old?? If I say something to my friend she will be very offended, but I'm annoyed at the digs from the both of them!

OP posts:
JPTB · 01/09/2017 21:06

Agree with Owlina re relaxing rules on holiday, though not the point of your post.
That said, we went on holiday this year with friends who were stricter than us re sugar, and I did limit my own children soas to not frustrate the other children, or we'd sneak off to let them have a lolly when not in front of the other kids.
I'd assume the mother has stressed the benefits of being a single child, and the child is latching on to this. As such, I'd be gracious about the child not having a sibling and make allowances. If my children were bothered, I'd explain that people parent differently, and that they have things that others don't, and that's just life.

JPTB · 01/09/2017 21:08

If my children were bothered, I'd explain that people parent differently, and that they have things that others don't, and that's just life.
This sentence really was meant for the food, not a kid blethering on about not sharing. Sorry.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/09/2017 21:09

He's only 7, a very little boy. If he was older I'd answer very differently.

So, I'd just say things like 'Yes, in some ways it's good to not have siblings because you don't have to share and in someways it's good to have siblings because you've always got someone to play with'. Re pudding or soft drink, I wouldn't make them choose on holiday, surely a holiday is an ok time to indulge? But if you want to stick to that then that's your decision, in which case I'd say 'Yes, you do have both 😊. My boys choose to have one or the other because our family doesn't think lots of sugar is good for you. It's ok if your family makes different decisions 😊' It's a bit wanky, but he's little, it's not his fault his Mum is currently failing Parenting 101. NOT because of her decisions, but because she's not saying this to him, as she should be. Stick up for your boys, but kindly.

MrsKoala · 01/09/2017 21:13

I don't understand why you think she is weak OP? Is it because she allows the kids cola AND pudding? I allow mine both when eating out/on hols and i'm not in 'first born mode' (i have 3) and don't think i'm weak either. You don't sound like you like her much OP.

JPTB · 01/09/2017 21:13

So, I'd just say things like 'Yes, in some ways it's good to not have siblings because you don't have to share and in someways it's good to have siblings because you've always got someone to play with'. Please don't say this - kid probably is very aware he doesn't have a buddy on tap like most kids, an is making the best of his situation. My 7yo does have a sibling but the gap is such that it's not like the OP's boys, and I know he sometimes wishes he had a sibling much closer in age like most of his friends do.

WooWooSister · 01/09/2017 21:18

If your DCs aren't bothered, I don't understand why you are.
As for the sibling comment, he's obviously trying to see the best in a situation that's outwith his control. You sound quite uptight if those comments are making you rethink holidays.

SecretFreebirther · 01/09/2017 21:23

My dcs have a cousin like this. I always make a point of telling him (in front of sil) that my dcs won't want to play with him anymore if he isn't nicer to them (he also is an only child and loves seeing my dcs)

LonginesPrime · 01/09/2017 21:30

I'd just say things like 'Yes, in some ways it's good to not have siblings because you don't have to share and in someways it's good to have siblings because you've always got someone to play with'.

It sounds to me like he's asked his DM why he doesn't have siblings (and it may be a massive ongoing issue for him/his parents) and that's their way of helping him accept that he's never getting a sibling.

OP, I think if you're close enough to your friend to hang out with her regularly, you should talk to her about your lifestyle differences and how to manage them in front of the kids for everyone's benefit and so none of the kids feel particularly disadvantaged.

If you're not comfortable having that discussion with her, I would personally query the value of the friendship, not least given all the hassle it seems to be causing!

Original poster
Quirkyle · 01/09/2017 21:33

Thanks for the replies. I asked here as he is 7 and I really was stumped about what to say. I wasnt about to start an argument with a 7yr old he's a kid!

It's about balance they'd already had candy floss and other bits. They aren't deprived! No forbidden foods just trying to teach them about balance, and the word no.

I said she is weak because he rules the roost. Examples so far has been not wanting to get up and out (and dressed) missing a paid for activity. We went to it. We arranged for picnic lunch and dinner out. He said no I want pizza and kfc later. Which she did. We had a reservation for a resturant, which again we went to.

The meal tonight was out last meal out so home tomorrow!

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 01/09/2017 21:42

I said she is weak because he rules the roost

You are criticizing her for not pulling him up on his behavior yet you aren't either - therefor complicit in his demands.

She doesn't mind his behavior because you don't either - in a few years he'll be a horrid tear away and she'll be crying to you wondering where it all went wrong

If your kids are ok with being treated like this then say nothing - but don't complain about it

Nofunkingworriesmate · 01/09/2017 21:45

greentulips
I'm not going to be a bystander and I'm gonna stand up to my new friend the op and say back off bully, she was just asking for help and advice and didn't want to be a meany to a child...😒

cornflakegirl · 01/09/2017 21:56

I don't think she's letting him rule the roost. Sometimes one of my children will change their mind about an activity we've all planned to do, and so DH or I might do something different with them. If it's something we're happy to swap to, and it doesn't inconvenience the people who do want to do it, what's the problem? Maybe your friend also fancied pizza and kfc?

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 01/09/2017 22:00

I have no idea why you are making this an only child thing.

I have a 7yo only DS who would refuse something he wanted if another child wasn't getting it. For example; he is allowed coke, but at recent picnic with 6yo friend who is not allowed it DS wouldn't take it because he said it wouldn't be fair on the other child.

What makes you think that if she had two kids they wouldn't just both be a PITA?

RebeccaWrongDaily · 01/09/2017 22:05

mine have a friend like this kid, sadly his parents are/were our best friends, and have now divorced.
He's even worse since as neither parent wants to put some guidelines in, The fact that his parents are divorced means we now see our friends when the kid's at the other parents. It became too much for our kids, to watch Viz's original 'spoilt bastard' winding them up, he was also a lot of a fibber- lying about things to try and make them feel bad/ like they had even less (we don't give ours everything they want all the time)
It's really difficult when he's saying 'I've got TWO BIKES and a WIi and a PSblah etc.' for mine to just grin and bear it, as they are also kids. It's a hard one, i would avoid seeing him?

tolerable · 01/09/2017 22:15

a 7 year old showing off..yabu...// im not knocking your sugar stance..its your kids..your choice.....I dilute fizzy drinks with water..maybe theyd agree to that and a shared desert?tho tbh it would have to be massive(cakes Miiiiiine-all of it)..did your own 7 not respond...I think mine would be...hellish in that situation..

JPTB · 01/09/2017 22:27

I also think your rules the roost examples don't mean he rules the roost - she is respecting his opinion - he's allowed to change his mind/fancy pizza - and it's his holiday - within reason and not letting people down. Maybe he hadn't slept well and was tired.
I think it's positive to encourage them to feel like their views on what they want to do with their own time are valued and important, and to be able to say I really don't fancy this restaurant, can we please just have pizza. Maybe he was sad seeing your two enjoying having a sibling and wanted a break from you guys.

I think they have rubbed you up the wrong way and/or it's just the culmination of a week away with other people - it's usually never plain sailing, ime! You have already said never again, so I wouldn't bother saying anything.

mirialis · 01/09/2017 22:33

it was water off a ducks back for them

this says it all - you're pissed off with the mum of a 7yo because that 7yo said something annoying to your 7 and 10yo.

Get a grip.

Dumdedumdum · 01/09/2017 22:53

Wow you can't think why a 7 year old only child might have been told that it was really cool to be an only child?

nothingontelly · 02/09/2017 07:47

Ugh they sound beyond annoying.
I'm the childish idiot that would respond to the brattish 7 year old with something like "well you're clearly a spoilt little brat so how could your Mummy possibly share herself between two of you" and then that'd be it. Friendship over. Blush
Stay strong OP.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 02/09/2017 07:57

Lots of negative attitudes against only children on this thread Angry

Ohmyfuck · 02/09/2017 08:01

I agree with the fizzy drinks OR pudding thing. However, this is not what the post is about. It's about a kid not being pulled up on his bad behaviour re. gloating. He sounds like a little shit and his mum sounds like an oblivious fool. Avoid.

10storeylovesong · 02/09/2017 08:03

I agree with the only child comments. We tried for years for a second without success. If our DS asked us, we extolled the virtues of being an only child. We thought he believed it too as he never mentioned it again, apart from when we finally told him he was having a sibling and he came out with "why would I want to share anything with a brother or sister? I get all your attention now". I'm now 36 weeks and he is beyond excited, talks about it all the time and sits talking and kissing the bump constantly.

Just because this child is saying those things, doesn't necessarily mean he believes them. It's quite possibly a survival technique for him.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuckKeidis · 02/09/2017 08:05

Unfortunately DC can gloat if they're allowed to do something others aren't. I'd have told him not to be so rude.

Jaxhog · 02/09/2017 08:23

So she and her son make digs at you and you're worried about offending her?

supermoon100 · 02/09/2017 08:37

You could have relaxed the sugar rule just for this occasion, your kids would have been ok and the situation would not have arisen