To ask if this aspect of schools has changed?

[moutonfou]

I did very well at school, got top grades in everything. And because that was all the education system was focused around, that was enough. Of course I also had zero confidence and severe social anxiety, but nobody seemed to notice or care because I was getting the grades. So when I got to the workplace, I could never fulfil my supposed potential because, what do you know, skills besides academic intelligence are valued in the workplace! Things like teamwork, influencing, building rapport, managing people, etc., which I have had to learn from scratch.

Not having school-age kids, can anyone tell me if it's changed at all? Is there any effort to produce well-rounded individuals or is it still grades grades grades?

Still don't think I am explaining it very well - ok so the bruises thing, well if kids are being bullied at DDs' schools most of the staff ignore it or brush it off. Doesn't matter how many campaigns we have, that's still the case. Equally they seem to ignore the kids who are clearly being neglected at home.

Its only in year 11 that every resource under the sun is thrown at them, that any difference is made, so yes, I would conclude its all about the grades.

There was little or no emotional support / resilience building when I was in school. Pastoral care was hopeless (I received no support at all when one of my parents died). So I sincerely hope schools are making a better job of things now.

I think extra curricular activities are important too. However, we all have roles as parents to do what we can to model the skills for our DC. If our children see us putting ourselves out of our comfort zone to achieve something or reacting well to setbacks then they can learn from us. It doesn't need to be big things, say you've planned a particular meal and when you get to the shop the main ingredient has sold out, how do you react? If you sulk or panic then that is what your children learn. On the other hand if you express a bit of frustration then brainstorm with the DC to come up with a plan B they learn a more positive approach.

I think my primary school did a pretty good job at teaching those things but not any of the other schools I went to. But I agree that they ought to be doing more in that area, it's so important.

I live abroad now and DD started school this month and from looking through her workbook a lot of the curriculum for this first year at least is focused on social skills, handling emotions, cooperating with others (and what is bullying and what to do about it). Schools here have their own social workers and psychologists assigned to each school and the multidisciplinary team meet each week to discuss pupils with potential issues whether academic, social, emotional, or home life issues so as to spot issues early on so that they can be dealt with before they get too big. Yearly health and development checks are part of the school health services and every child gets them so that also spots issues sooner. British schools could learn a lot from this system - children learn better and do better when their lives are stable and problems are dealt with.

You pick up soft skills via social interactions and cues not academic ones and it should be family led. It should never fall to schools to improve a child's self-confidence or social skills - that should be down to parents and if they fail it's something counselling and specific soft skills classes can help witu.

I said I am sure the teachers would notice and the school would help and she said no, they just shout at them if they don't have the right calculator, pencils etc. So if basic support like that isn't it place, how is there going to be any education on building rapport?!

Having just been shopping before Term starts to get supplies for any children who don't have equipment, out of my own money-I find this quite insulting. The 'school' helping are the teachers themselves. So you expect teachers to be able to buy equipment, then if any don't, that automatically makes everything go to pot, with regards to pupil teacher relationship, attainment and all round social skills?

You do know about the current budget crisis in schools? You do know that parents can approach schools to ask for assistance?

There was an entire thread a little while ago (in Chat so gone now I think) showing just how much many many teachers care about their pupils and spend vast sums of their own money to benefit their own pupils. Last academic year, I spent over £400. To have it expected and demanded is just a kick in the teeth.

I agree with you OP.

Children spend SO much time at school that social development SHOULD be far more important.

It's crap that a shit load of kids are flung out into a playground two or three times a day and left to it...like Lord of the Flies, aside from a few low paid supervisors.

I've always felt that they should have fully trained play workers who actually engage with them.

When my DD wa 7 she moved to a new school and was having issues fitting in. Lucky for her she had an amazing teacher who went out EVERY break for a term and played old fashioned circle games with them.

She basically sorted my DD out and I'll never forget her for that.

Grand you are very out of touch with what the Ethos of the School system in the UK now is.

"Schools aren't really there to teach you confidence and teamwork"

Schools are now about the Whole Child and engaging with Parents, in theory.

They are supposed to be creating well rounded individuals, which includes the things you have listed OP.

How successful that is depends on the school and in some areas they are desperately fighting against the Parents negative influence.

There was little or no emotional support / resilience building when I was in school. Pastoral care was hopeless (I received no support at all when one of my parents died). So I sincerely hope schools are making a better job of things now.

See, this is falling into the trap of assuming all schools run in exactly the same way as someone's personal experience of their own school, as plenty of posters have already said to the OP. Not all schools are the same. Not all children have the same experience even in the same school. People change every academic year. Funds change. Requirements change.

The OP automatically infers all schools operated in the same way theirs did (and is solely to blame for their lack of work-based skills) and that is not helpful or true. Too many parents assume schools will teach their child everything and lets them off the hook.

I had amazing support when my father died in the 1990s at my school, but I can only speak for my own experience - someone else at the same school may not have wanted the same support as grief effects us differently. It doesn't mean I think that was how all schools operated. Unfortunately, these words used - "hope schools are making a better job and when I was in school", it makes the wrong assumptions.

I am so sorry your parent also died.

No, I'm not, I'm disagreeing with it.

Thing is, decent grades aren't all it takes to get to the top in many fields. You also need to be able to network, make connections, project yourself with confidence - all the soft skills. If your parents aren't able to teach that - and not all can, mine couldn't! - where does that leave a bright kid? All the A grades aren't going to help beyond a certain point - you need the full package. Surely it's not unreasonable to want an education system that helps with that - note I blame the system, not the individual teachers working within it!

If education is going to be an engine for social mobility, it needs to be doing more than just focusing on writing a good essay or reciting facts.

But why are you complaining that schools should be doing stuff that they are already doing?
All of those skills are embedded in modern education, they can't be avoided.

There's no need to be so aggressive. I'm not complaining, I'm pointing out that these skills are of equal importance to academic grades. If they are now part of the teaching process I'm pleased to hear it, as they weren't (ime) when I was at school, back in Ye Olde Nineteen Nineties.

The thing is, I don't see it as a problem that these things are expected to be dealt with in schools. It's nuts to expect parents to flag up potential disorders as they won't have the knowledge or experience to do it. So there needs to be either a continual development monitoring like some other countries have or it needs to be handled in schools like we do for vaccines, hearing tests etc. But I'm not saying teachers should add to their workload or be trained in every disorder. Schools should be provided with the proper resources to manage these things like proper educational psychiatrists or social work staff or just coaches, and while teachers don't need to be able to recognise every disorder, it would be useful of they could flag up that X is always late, Y is struggling with classmate interactions, Z is overly aggressive etc.

Aggressive? Are you reading the wrong thread?

If they are now part of the teaching process I'm pleased to hear it, as they weren't (ime) when I was at school, back in Ye Olde Nineteen Nineties

Of course they were. Unless you were in a room on your own rote learning, they were taught these skills every day.

BertieBotts for Education Secretary

The public school students I've met always seem to have that much more confidence and motivations. Don't know how much it comes from (rich) parents/pushed from a young age, but think the ability to have smaller classes (more attention) and well-resourced extra-curricular activities definitely helps.

YABU, Its a parents role to raise well rounded children, its only the schools job to provide an education.

They are only at school 6.5 hours a day. They have plenty of time for character building activities after school, at weekends and on the very long holidays.

Schools do of course offer after school clubs, sports, D of E, foreign trips etc but you have to opt in to those.

Get a good education first, every time.

Kitty - I think your post proves my point. That's how you'd react. Just as my daughter said.

I'm converted to a Bertie fan now too - they are putting the salient points over very eloquently (unlike me!)

Staples Corner

No it doesn't. I started off by saying I had already bought equipment, so that I wouldn't shout at the pupils and demand they bring in things like calculators.

it would be useful of they could flag up that X is always late, Y is struggling with classmate interactions, Z is overly aggressive etc.

I 100% agree with most of your post. However, what I have just highlighted, already happens. Sims registers are taken at the start of every lesson now so punctuality/truancy is highlighted there and then. Round Robins are carried out on pupils who flag up to be struggling with interactions or being overly aggressive, so that support can be provided. Practically on a daily basis, I am filling one of these out.

I'm a pastoral manager in a secondary school with 240 students in my year and the entirety of my job is about the non-academic support, so CP, resilience, emotionally support, referrals to other agencies, and yes mindfulness and managing anxiety groups etc etc. I start with my year group when they begin year 7 and then stay with them until the end of year 11.

The reality is that I work closely (often daily) with approx 20 students (the ones whose lives are really appalling), see some one the other ones on an as-and-when basis (I have had high levels of interactions with five students who have had a parent die in the last year who I have had basically zero contact with before) and some of the students I never see, other than in extra curricular plays, concerts etc.

I lead assemblies, do classroom drop-ins and know every single one of their names and I hope that if the ones that go under my radar need me, they come and find me. I also get a lot of emails from teachers who have noticed a change in presentation or behaviour and then I arrange to meet with students.

We're very lucky, in that each year has a pastoral manager, lots of school don't, and when the latest restructuring wave occurred I was certain that we were going to be gone (I had a serious conversation with DH about working for a year for free to see my students through their GCSEs). We've hung on but in a world where school budgets are decreasing, everything that isn't front line teaching is up for cutting.

ElleMcFearsome that sounds so good, when I was a student I had a time where I was desperately struggling and didn't have a clue who could help. I wish we'd had a go-to person like your position it would have helped so much.