To think DS can walk in pjs in the evening?

[pjdrama]

DS (4) goes to his dads every weekend at 7.30pm

His bedtime at home is 7.30-8.00

I therefore have been sending him ready for bed in pjs when his dad collects him. It's a 20 min walk.

Receieved a text stating "it's unacceptable, it's not the 80's, I'm fuming when people sneer at him" etc along with a long list of instructions as to suitable attire and a demand I pay cab fare if he's already in his pjs

AIBU to have thought I was doing a favour having him ready for bed?!

I'm with your ex on this one, I don't like seeing anyone walk around in pjs outside, it just looks weird and what if he fell over or it started raining on him? He wouldn't have anything to sleep in.

Does your ex follow the same bedtime routine as you though? If not, is this your way of saying "it is bedtime so don't think of keeping him up"? You mention about him being a Disney dad so I wonder if this is a way for you to try and maintain control.
Sorry co-parenting with an ex must be shit. I wouldn't want my 4 year old out at night in her pjs for 20 mins either.

No, I wouldn't let him walk outside in pjs.

Also, your ex may resent you getting him ready for bed. He might want to do this?

Surely his routine is disrupted anyway by going for a walk rather than bed, so I don't really follow the logic of making sure he knows he's going to bed and doesn't get excited.

I dont understand the issue here, over the summer holidays my DS (5) has been off school and his sister has been at nursery 2 days a week from 9 am 2 days a week.

Ive taken DS in his pyjamas sometimes and then gotten him dressed when he got home. Sometimes walking, sometimes via car. OP its really not that much of an issue especially that he would have been going to bed when he got there.

If the OP's son is staying for 2 nights then surely hes got a change of pyjamas for the second night so if the dad is that bothered he could put him in the second pair and wash the first. Even though its really not an issue in my eyes.

He has clothes at his dads. A whole other wardrobe in fact, basically exDH decided that he needed one for his weekends rather than using what I sent. Clothes I have for him are fine but he wants to dress him in what he chooses. Along with toys, whole other set. The toys make a little more sense to me.

I receive him home on a Sunday and his dad makes him come in and change and hand back "his" clothes. I think it's rediculous but hey ho

So if they got dirty... he'd still have plenty there. I've actually seen him out and about at the weekend in his other clothes... nice clothes. Probably cost far more than I would have spent but his choice to spend the money.

I haven't read all the thread. It it seems like both you and your ex are both being stubborn and unreasonable. His concern is wierd and OTT but you seem a bit unreasonable not let him get changed at his Dads. It's a fuss about nothing.

I'd just leave him in his trousers next time and not give it anymore thought.

Your ex Is being a jerk but why argue over something so stupid. You are both going to have to deal with a million and one things with your DS over the years. It's in your sons best interests if you can get on with his Dad.

There's no argument from me. Just haven't had it mentioned, done it for a year. Suddenly I'm told how unacceptable it is.

I've already stayed quiet on the whole other wardrobe and shoes... gets a bit frustrating though when DS asks to wear something I don't even know he owns. "I want my Spider-Man trainers today"... "you don't have any?" "Yes I do, my daddy got them"

It's fine though. I thought it was rediculous to worry about a 4 year old wearing pjs outside... seems it's actually not

Genuinely shocked to learn it's actually not acceptable for DS to walk in pjs

It is acceptable. Theres nothing wrong with it.

That's so weird that he makes your son change and hand back his clothes when he comes back! I'd have a real issue with that, how strange for your DS. What a knob.

YANBU but neither is your ex in your views towards PJs. Undoubtedly your intentions were loving towards DS and charitable towards Ex. Your views differ, I think you have to accept his request. I think the manner in which Ex requested for PJs not to happen was rude and unreasonable. What your DS needs to see is mutual respect between his parents, so if you can maintain the moral high ground by meeting his request without explanation or argument (and chalk up a moral victory in your head!)

I don't think it's odd he has another wardrobe either - some people have different taste in clothes (although your ds is getting old enough to pick his own!).

Couples who aren't divorced have these sort of disagreements too so I think it's just a natural co parenting thing.

Agree it seems odd it's taken him a year to mention it but it's difficult to know from the outside how your relationship works

I would feel happier about the wardrobe if DS was allowed to have what he wanted between both places... I mean I'd wash and make sure they returned. The sending him through the door to remove everything and hand back is kind of mean in my eyes. If I dropped him I wouldn't think to wait about and demand he stripped everything off because I paid for it.

Where do you all live that pj's would get so dirty in a 20 minute walk that they couldn't be worn in bed??

When my dc were younger, if we were at their grandparents in the evening we'd always take pj's to change into, just means that they know bedtime is on the way.

I agree with you op and think your ex is making a fuss over nothing.

I think you were well-intended. But if he were going by car to be given supper and popped into bed, it would make more sense than walking for twenty minutes, which is a bit far and at odds with cosy-pj-time.

I think a reply along the lines of 'no problem, thought I was being helpful, but won't do again. No need for the hostility, though; your text was unnecessarily rude. He will be in his day clothes tomorrow' would be in order.

Yes it is odd he makes him change.

Just put trackie bottoms and a jumper over the top of the pjs and these can just be pulled off as he gets into bed. Doesn't the bloke have a car, how does he get to yours? 20 minutes is a long walk for a 4 year old ready for bed. What will happen in the winter or if it rains?

It wouldn't bother me him being in pjs but it'll be easier all round I'd think if you sent him in a set of clothes that he could then put on to come home on the Sunday - save getting changed when he's dropped off if that's what his dad is insisting on doing.

Put him in his favourite outfit, the one he whines when you take it off
Helpful

"Genuinely shocked to learn it's actually not acceptable for DS to walk in pjs"

I'd say PJs in bed, clothes outside the house, inside the house choice of PJs or clothes. It's a combination of reasons for me. Hygiene, walking about in PJs that will go into he bed, not sure the pavements around our way are as a clean as I would like. It's also embarrassing for some kids to be in PJs out in the street. And embarrassing for dad walking him.

Those would be the three reasons for me.

It takes 2 minutes to undress and put on PJs.

If he were going by car I'd say PJs were fine.

He is batshit. It's fine what you do.

The whole point of a bedtime routine is to wind children down for bed. So if he is then having to do a twenty minute walk, it isn't really at the right time is it? The ritual is kinda losing its meaning there. Better to do bedtime routine just before bed imho. Maybe his dad actually likes to do it and for sure he must stay up a bit later with his dad that day. Your ex hasn't communicated so well, but I am guessing that is part of why he is an ex

Dad doesn't have a car. We live close to train station dad gets home from work in on so he gets off train and collects and they walk.

In winter I was sending him in warmer pjs with coat over and snow boots

It sounds so normal to dress him in something and he could return in it... doesn't happen. I have tried before out of curiosity. What happens is clothes I sent come home in backpack and he's sent to change anyhow.

It's a shame your ex was rude in the text, I'd just say you were trying to be helpful and will change to regular clothes from now.

It does occur to me that people are giving him off looks, and maybe that is a new thing, hence him being grumpy about it. Or maybe he feels it is a slight dig at him. That he collects the lad after his bed time. Just a thought.

You think it's fine and thought you were helping. He doesn't like it, doesn't see it as helping.

Text was unnecessarily rude but now you know he doesn't like it, just don't do it.