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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS can walk in pjs in the evening?

104 replies

pjdrama · 31/08/2017 21:29

DS (4) goes to his dads every weekend at 7.30pm

His bedtime at home is 7.30-8.00

I therefore have been sending him ready for bed in pjs when his dad collects him. It's a 20 min walk.

Receieved a text stating "it's unacceptable, it's not the 80's, I'm fuming when people sneer at him" etc along with a long list of instructions as to suitable attire and a demand I pay cab fare if he's already in his pjs

AIBU to have thought I was doing a favour having him ready for bed?!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 31/08/2017 21:52

Pyjamas are indoor things, fine if short car journey or you're unwell and going to hospital but not a 20 minute walk. It only takes 5 minutes to get changed. Track suits are easy to get in and out of and don't look like he's just kidnapped a child from his bed.

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/08/2017 21:53

Pyjamas are for wearing indoors. How long do you think it takes to change into them? Less than a minute surely.

Original poster
pjdrama · 31/08/2017 21:53

His pjs offer more protection than shorts though! Which is what he's been wearing in the day. And all you see is pj bottoms.

It's not muddy or anything, wouldn't send him out in pouring rain or snow in them

It's concrete pavements and half of that is a hidden alley away from roads too so 10 mins of anybody driving past seeing him and the other few locals who know the alleyway

Ah well if IABU I amGrin

Still don't think any need for the irate text. He's done it for the last year at least already!

OP posts:
MsPassepartout · 31/08/2017 21:55

I wouldn't be sending a 4 yr old out in pyjamas either, unless they were going on a long car journey at night. It doesn't take long to change into pyjamas once they're actually going to get into bed.

Although DH has taken our small DC out in public in pyjamas before, for longer than a 20 minute walk at that, so you're not alone in your thinking, OP.

Original poster
pjdrama · 31/08/2017 21:57

It's not the time it takes to change them. I don't think I'm saving him much time there...

It was having the routine already done so DS knew exactly what he was heading for... eg bed. Otherwise lots of excitement over going to daddy's (who of course gets to be a Disney dad for 2 nights Angry)

Never mind though. An excited DS not prepared it's bedtime is now his problem on a Friday night

OP posts:
Fudgit · 31/08/2017 21:58

I agree his text was really mean. FlowersDon't feel bad about it, it wasn't an outrageous thing to do or anything, I would definitely get DS ready for bed if he was being picked up at that time in the car and I can see why you did the same. And I personally see no problem with it if he's warm enough but I suppose it's just one of those societal things.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 31/08/2017 21:58

Obviously it has nothing to do with pjs and everything to do with your breakup
You sound nice and helpful, I would however kindly put my foot down and set boundaries on how he is allowed to talk to you as that is not acceptable. Rule is if it's not ok to say to you in front of the child it's not ok in text

VeryCunningStunt · 31/08/2017 22:11

I'm bemused that he thinks wearing pjs was ok in the 80s but it isn't now?

Has everyone got this stuck in their head now? Grin

BritInUS1 · 31/08/2017 22:11

If it was a couple of minutes, fine, but 20 minute walk in PJ's is a bit odd., regardless of age.

x

pictish · 31/08/2017 22:15

You are micromanaging to the nth degree. There is no reason for him to walking to his dad's in his pyjamas.

Insomnibrat · 31/08/2017 22:16

I wouldn't necessarily want pyjamas in bed after a 20min walk outside but the Ex is being a massive dick about it, I suspect there is obviously another issue bothering him and he's snapped at you. Don't take it to heart. x

WhooooAmI24601 · 31/08/2017 22:18

If I saw anyone, child or adult, walking the streets in pyjamas, I might not sneer outwardly but inside I'd be thinking it was inappropriate.

That says more about you than it does the 4 year old wearing pyjamas outside.

DS2 is 6 and sometimes wears his pyjamas and wellies on our early morning dog walks; he gets up at 6 and often we head straight out. Nobody is hurt or injured because a small child shows them their Dangermouse pyjamas. You're not BU at all, OP.

Fudgit · 31/08/2017 22:20

I think it might be a snobbery thing actually. Pyjamas and wellies walking a dog sounds more middle class somehow and therefore would be acceptable to sniffy types?

HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 31/08/2017 22:21

Sorry but a 20 minute walk is too much.
It's not the muddy dirt as such but they just won't feel all fresh and clean to go to bed in.

Sunshinegirls · 31/08/2017 22:21

Yabothbu. Your child doesn't need to be already in his PJ's, there's a million reasons not to send him in them, and only 1 or 2 the other way.
Your ex could have found a more civil way to tell you, there's no need for aggressive texts.

pictish · 31/08/2017 22:23

"I would however kindly put my foot down and set boundaries on how he is allowed to talk to you as that is not acceptable."

Wtf? He has expressed his opinion. He thinks it's unacceptable to be walking his kid a mile in pyjamas and thinks if you must put him in them you can pay for a cab.
Or is he not allowed an opinion on this? I think he is.

nokidshere · 31/08/2017 22:23

I wouldn't put him in pjs for a 20 minute walk. But also I

TheAntiBoop · 31/08/2017 22:24

Tbh, I don't think it's reasonable for you to do the bedtime routine before he leaves. Perhaps his dad wants to do that and have a little time with him before he goes to sleep. Yes he may go to bed 10 mins later but there's no harm.

As for his text, he's not exactly got a way with words has he!!

nokidshere · 31/08/2017 22:24

Sorry hit post......

Nor would I be doing the bedtime routine before he goes. If Friday Is his dads time then just let him get on with it.

coddiwomple · 31/08/2017 22:25

I wouldn't think anything if I was seeing a 4 yo in his pjs, but I wouldn't leave mine in theirs unless I put them in the car. It defeats the point of a pj if they wear them outside before bed. I can't understand the drama, but it doesn't feel comfortable.

Your ex is an idiot. Many parents are happy to put their kids in leggings, there's no way of knowing if a child is in pj or clothes sometimes. Would anyone really "sneer" in real life? I doubt it.

GrasswillbeGreener · 31/08/2017 22:26

I've just got back from spending the holidays with relatives in Sydney. Whilst there I managed to take my children to the olympic aquatic centre; we stayed into the time that all the afterschool swimming lessons were on.

I noticed a LOT of children were changed into pyjamas after their lessons. True they'd mostly have been going home by car, but they were wandering around in dressing gowns and slippers while siblings had their lessons. And I'd say these were up to 8-9 yr olds not just littlies.

And it was absolutely fine and appropriate IMO. (note also that it is winter there!)

fadetoblack · 31/08/2017 22:26

I'd be absolutely fine with it. DD who is 3 goes to nursery in PJ's . Just as some children love dressing up she loves jamas. We have day pyjamas and night pyjamas. She prefers the lightweight fabric to jogging bottoms and mostly they just look like patterned leggings. I'm happy for her to wear what she is comfortable in.

coddiwomple · 31/08/2017 22:26

DS2 is 6 and sometimes wears his pyjamas and wellies on our early morning dog walks
not quite the same, presumable you put the pjs straight in the wash when he gets dressed later on.

Original poster
pjdrama · 31/08/2017 22:28

The text was a lot worse than what I've summarised but that's another story. Fact is we're divorced and ended things a long time ago.

Genuinely shocked to learn it's actually not acceptable for DS to walk in pjs

OP posts:
TheAntiBoop · 31/08/2017 22:30

Personal I like my pj's 'clean' but kids pj's often look like outerwear

The bigger issue is that you are controlling how he spends his time with ds by having him ready for bed

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