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Original poster

Wedding reading

99 replies

ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:35

I've wanted the following reading at my wedding since I was a teenager, due to get married in six weeks' time. All planned and ready, my uncle is going to do it for us.

"Love is friendship caught fire; it is quiet, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection, and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present, hopes for the future, and does not brood over the past. It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you do not have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough."

One of my bridesmaids feels strongly that the last line of the reading will be really upsetting to anyone who's single - she thinks it'll twist the knife and make them feel like shit basically (she's engaged so not about her). She's also shared it with colleagues who've found it similarly shocking.

Since she said this I've asked around a bit and no one has expressed such shock to me, although they wouldn't would they!

I've asked single and divorced/separated people and they've both said that while weddings can be a bit of a moment if you're sad about being single, you expect lots of talk about love, and the readings should be about us as a couple, not how others might take them. -And another said no one will even be listening so who cares-

This doesn't sit 100% right with me though, and now I'm debating scrapping the whole thing. I don't want to upset anyone and I am annoyed at myself for not thinking more sensitively. I could just scrap the last line but to be honest it's all left a bad taste in my mouth now and since I've loved it since I was a kid, i don't know about changing it.

Any thoughts appreciated please - would anyone reading this now find this upsetting?

OP posts:
LondonNicki · 31/08/2017 10:39

The last line is insulting and inaccurate. It ends what is a lovely poem on a negative note so I would take it out myself.

ShutTheFridgeUp · 31/08/2017 10:40

I think it's lovely. Your friend is being a bit of a dick. Love comes in many forms, not just in a romantic relationship.
It's your wedding day and it's a perfectly acceptable reading. Use it!

Original poster
ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:42

I think it's just divisive. My friend isn't a dick I promise! She's very thoughtful and kind, hence why I'm taking this seriously.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:43

Thank you both for your thoughts!

OP posts:
jaseyraex · 31/08/2017 10:43

I wouldn't be offended in the slightest. Weddings ARE all about love. If someone single was offended by it then that would be their problem, and the likelihood is they wouldn't tell you if it offended them anyway. If you love the reading then keep it, don't worry about other people. I'm getting married next week and we have a reading with something similar in it to that line, my OH said something like 'slap in the face to all the single people out there' but that's not the intention. If anyone takes it that way then I feel that's their issue and not mine. You cannot spend your time worrying about everyone else. It's a reading that you love, keep it and enjoy it.

And congratulations! 😊

ShutTheFridgeUp · 31/08/2017 10:46

I take the dick comment back... I'm somewhat pre-menstual Confused
I still think it's lovely, and not in the least bit offensive or insulting.

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2017 10:47

I agree with london, the last line would be a huge problem for me. It pretty clearly seems to be talking about romantic love to me because of the rest of the poem and I don't think anyone's life is "not enough" because they don't have that.

Original poster
ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:48

Thanks Jasey. We've got another reading about the value of being there for each other and I'm wondering about that now. But whatever we pick - it's all about love!

Congrats to you too, bet you're so excited!

OP posts:
Fortybingowings · 31/08/2017 10:49

Not a huge issue at all. I'd keep it as it's a nice reading. Just a note on table plans. I'm happily married now but can recall an awful wedding where they sat me, by myself, with all the other single people (that I didn't know) on a table. It was hell. Please put your single friends on a table with folk they already know, or even with their own parents. My parents were at the same wedding and I'd have rather sat with them than a load of random strangers.

jamie2 · 31/08/2017 10:50

It's a lovely reading. Go for it. A wedding could be seen a slap in face for single people as it's about love.

Original poster
ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:52

Thanks Forty. No plans for a singles table - most people are coming in friendship/family groups so will be sat together, although my fiancé is keen to do some matchmaking, splice groups together and sit some people next to each other strategically. I'll read him your message!

OP posts:
Littletabbyocelot · 31/08/2017 10:52

Surely its saying that if you dont have love in your marriage / relationship then nothing else is enough?

Seniorcitizen1 · 31/08/2017 10:53

Nobody listens to readings at weddings

Twounder · 31/08/2017 10:54

It's your wedding - have whatever readings you like! Weddings are a celebration of love anyway so anyone who is offended by that line might well not enjoy weddings in general.

Ilovewheelychairs · 31/08/2017 10:54

Could you not just cut out the last line? If you love the rest of the reading that is. The last line isn't essential to the sentiment of the reading and removing it would resolve any issue from anyone else?

Ellisandra · 31/08/2017 10:55

I don't like either of the last two sentences.

I wouldn't be upset by it (I'm not single if that's any relevance). But it definitely got the Hmm from me. Even when I'm in a relationship, I don't think that having love with someone else (romantic or otherwise) is the be all and end all.

I read both lines at odds with being complete in yourself. I think the best relationships are where both people are complete in themselves. My life is enough, I am enough, without someone else's love. Though that's nice to have!

I'm with your friend who said nobody's really going to listen though! Grin

They'll just hear "wedding, love, schmaltz, oh that's nice" the forget it by the time the canapés arrive!

Original poster
ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:56

Little yes, my mum has said she's worried it might make unhappily married people question their choices. That's a whole other side of this I never thought of!

Do we think I could change it to - if you have love in your marriage, etc etc, rather than life?

OP posts:
AccrualIntentions · 31/08/2017 10:57

I think it's ok because it talks about having love in your life. That doesn't necessarily mean being in love with someone. Most people, even if single, have love in their life - children, family, friends, faith based love etc. Perhaps that's a bit of an artificial division from the rest of the poem but that's how I'd look at it.

MaidOfStars · 31/08/2017 10:58

Get rid of the last line. It's nonsense.

(Happily married here, and very much a lover of wedding schmaltz!)

Original poster
ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:59

Even when I'm in a relationship, I don't think that having love with someone else (romantic or otherwise) is the be all and end all.

See, nor do I, and I never have done. It means a lot to both of us to have lots of love and fulfilment outside of each other.

Which is maybe why I read it differently - as PP said, different types of love, love in a relationship etc. And I'm annoyed at myself for not being more thoughtful!

OP posts:
PringlesPirate · 31/08/2017 11:00

I would leave it as it is.
There are other kinds of love.

Columbine1 · 31/08/2017 11:00

Isn't it a good compromise to just omit the last line? Your bridesmaid has a point.
No one will know & it will avoid any sensitivities about being single.
I am not single but I remember various instances of being (probably unconsciously) made to feel bad when I was!

iknowimcoming · 31/08/2017 11:01

I think it's fine. It's your wedding, your reading, and if it sings to you about your feelings then don't let other people's opinions worry you. Wedding are stressful enough without faffing about now finding something else. I think it would be a shame to not have it when you always dreamt of that reading on your wedding day, even if someone has made you see it in a different light now, it's still something that meant a great deal to you, so don't be swayed. Your day your rules. You wouldn't change your dress now because someone said it made them feel bad would you? You only get one wedding (hopefully Wink) so make it about you and your partner, not the guests, good luck for the day Flowers

livefornaps · 31/08/2017 11:01

Just remember, kidz: if you have love in your life, it doesn't matter if everything else is going to shit. Grin

I wouldn't worry too much, most wedding readings are schmaltzy crap, it might be good to have something a bit more firey!!!

redexpat · 31/08/2017 11:01

That would have felt like a kick in the teeth if I had heard it when I was single. I wasnt happy. It honestly felt like there must be something wrong with me because no one wanted to be in a relationship with me. Everyone said oh youll meet someone at university and I didnt. It would have been just another reminder that I was failing to live up to societys expectations.