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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding reading

99 replies

ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 10:35

I've wanted the following reading at my wedding since I was a teenager, due to get married in six weeks' time. All planned and ready, my uncle is going to do it for us.

"Love is friendship caught fire; it is quiet, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection, and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present, hopes for the future, and does not brood over the past. It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you do not have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough."

One of my bridesmaids feels strongly that the last line of the reading will be really upsetting to anyone who's single - she thinks it'll twist the knife and make them feel like shit basically (she's engaged so not about her). She's also shared it with colleagues who've found it similarly shocking.

Since she said this I've asked around a bit and no one has expressed such shock to me, although they wouldn't would they!

I've asked single and divorced/separated people and they've both said that while weddings can be a bit of a moment if you're sad about being single, you expect lots of talk about love, and the readings should be about us as a couple, not how others might take them. -And another said no one will even be listening so who cares-

This doesn't sit 100% right with me though, and now I'm debating scrapping the whole thing. I don't want to upset anyone and I am annoyed at myself for not thinking more sensitively. I could just scrap the last line but to be honest it's all left a bad taste in my mouth now and since I've loved it since I was a kid, i don't know about changing it.

Any thoughts appreciated please - would anyone reading this now find this upsetting?

OP posts:

LML83 · 31/08/2017 12:29

I don't think any of my single friends would be upset.

Have a think about the single people coming and if they are particularly sensitive or not.

It's lovely you are being thoughtful and if you will be worried about it then just change it a little won't lose the message. But if you really want it go for it.

have a lovely day x

TheNaze73 · 31/08/2017 12:43

She's sweating the small stuff. Without being rude, I don't think anyone listens to readings anyway.

pigsDOfly · 31/08/2017 12:45

Really? People are going to get upset if their lives don't live up to a reading at a wedding?

Are they actually going to be listening that carefully to it?

I am divorced, have been nearly twenty years. I've had one loving relationship since and now live on my own. I don't have a special someone in my life and I do often look at couples and think how I'd like to have that sort of relationship but being upset and unable to acknowledge that they have something that I don't would, I think, be incredibly self indulgent and a bit pathetic of me tbh.

Keep the line in or leave it out, whichever you prefer, it's your wedding. If other's can't deal with a line in a wedding reading how they hell are they going to watch you get married and witness your happiness.

Ridiculous idea that people could be so easily upset or offended.

MargaretCavendish · 31/08/2017 12:46

*'It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments'

Yep, pretty much sums up coupledom. It's a bit odd that it goes on to imply that it makes life better*

You missed out the 'big victories, and working toward common goals', ie the good bits!

Penny4UrThoughts · 31/08/2017 12:55

I did @margaretcavendish I missed out that and ALL of the rest.

Well spotted!

I chose to copy the bit that showed the piece had balance and wasn't just all love and roses.

I still didn't say it was negative. I said it was realistic. I also said that being in a couple wasn't better or worse than not being in a couple, I said it was different.

But feel free to twist it any way you like. I will, however, respond with the facts.

Original poster

ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 13:07

Thanks all your your responses and all the good wishes

OP posts:

purpledonkey · 31/08/2017 13:32

No one will listen. Everyone will be wondering what's for lunch and whether the booze is free.

Original poster

ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 13:48

I do agree with you on that to be honest purple.

(And yes it is!)

OP posts:

FionaMcBride · 31/08/2017 13:52

Yeah I don't like that bit tbh. I think leaving that line out completely would be the best idea. Some people are emotional at weddings anyway so best not to inadvertently suggest that their life is worthless if they're there on their own!

That said, I do think readings are mostly quickly forgotten once the ceremony is over.

Columbine1 · 31/08/2017 17:14

I listen to the readings! At a recent wedding there was a lovely one from Dr Seuss(!) about us all being weird in our own way & what a joy it is to find someone who gets or shares that weirdness :)

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 31/08/2017 17:27

I'm giving a reading at a family wedding (bride has asked me to choose the piece) and I'm reading Us Two by AA Milne. The author is significant to the bride but I chose it because it's about great friendship, and as this couple call the other their best friend, I thought it would be nice to honour the friendship. Friendship is love

carefreeeee · 31/08/2017 17:55

As long as you don't have that cringey lovely dinosaur one that seems to be all the rage at the moment - ick!

I think your reading is fine, it seems very familiar, is it a paraphrase of some traditional poem or something? Weddings can be difficult for those who are sensitive about being single anyway, a reading won't make any difference. The table plan is far more likely to make or break their day!

JulietNeverMetRomeo · 31/08/2017 19:20

when I go to weddings that have readings like that I take bets with myself about how long it will be until they divorce

Do what you feel comfortable with, if this isn't a reading you feel comfortable with find something else preferably funny

Mittens1969 · 31/08/2017 20:00

I hope your day goes really well, OP, I can just about remember how excited I was at this stage - 14 years ago in my case.

The reading is lovely, and I really can't see anyone being offended by it. You've got enough things to stress about without worrying about that.

C8H10N4O2 · 31/08/2017 20:07

I have heard this at a few weddings. It honestly never occurred to me that it was anything over than love in all forms rather than just love in marriage.

None of the single guests seemed to perceive it that way either.

It seems to be used as a common secular alternative to St Paul/Corinthians used in pretty much every Church wedding I've been to.

Original poster

ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 20:41

when I go to weddings that have readings like that I take bets with myself about how long it will be until they divorce

I really cannot ever imagine being the type of person to go out of their way to post stuff like this.

Thanks all! I'm gonna go for a slightly edited version that I now love just as much.

I'm beyond excited, and determined to use the day to thank the family and friends who've made us who we are, as well as making it about the two of us as a couple. All your opinions have helped so much, so thank you again.

OP posts:

JulietNeverMetRomeo · 31/08/2017 21:49

Have you seriously never been to a wedding that was OTT on the readings etc and you just knew it wouldn't end well? I just think you should avoid the last few lines because anyone who makes their whole existence about their marriage is putting too much pressure on their partner and marriage. You sound like you have enough insight to not make that mistake and I wish you well.

Just for the record you did post in AIBU and my response was fairly tame in comparison to some of the responses I have seen on here.

iluvsummer · 31/08/2017 22:22

We had this reading in our wedding, no one complained about it and we had singletons, divorcees and widowers there

Original poster

ReggaetonLente · 31/08/2017 22:50

I wouldn't write a message to someone 6 weeks before their wedding saying it, no.

Thanks for the good wishes.

Summer thank you for that, we must share the same taste!

OP posts:

LondonNicki · 01/09/2017 00:56

Not saying its 'upsetting' or going to 'ruin any single people's day'. of course not..... I just think the last line ruins the tone of a beautiful poem as its a bit negative and would make me raise my eyebrows. The poem deserves to be ended on a positive note surely.

LondonNicki · 01/09/2017 00:59

And Regge I wish you a wonderful day... !!!

SilverBirchTree · 01/09/2017 03:47

Your bridesmaid has a point. I'd cut out the last line, it's otherwise fine.

HappenedForAReisling · 01/09/2017 05:37

Change the last line to "If you do not have it, make sure you're marrying someone rich/dirty/well-hung/whatever."

Then you'll find out if people actually listen to wedding readings or not.

Only1scoop · 01/09/2017 08:57

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