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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About partner wanking while im downstairs with 3 kids

62 replies

Ax688 · 31/08/2017 07:49

First time posting so be gentle Grin

Me and partner been together 10 years. Rocky for pretty much the entire time! Anyway got 3 kids and a new babu recently.

Ive recently realised partner has been wanking quite a lot and even tho since having 3 rd baby we have been having regular sex. Before baby number 3, for years would be once a week.
Now im prob very niave but i guess i never knew he was mastubating but now i do know it bugs the hell out of me.
Why? I dont know. But it does.
Im downstairs with thr 3 kids every morn while hes upstairs wanking himself off.
Maybe coz i didnt realise how shit our sex life was before and only recently its better.
Oh and the porn of course!! Since more sex lets say he's tryinf to reenact stuff he watches 😏😏

I just need some advice other than 'just get over it'
Aibu to be annoyed that he can stay in bed every morn and have a wank while i get up with kids every morn. And yes it could be every morn.

If not how do i get over it??? I dont know what bugs me about it but something does!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 31/08/2017 07:55

I'll come back to the main issue in a moment. I'm currently trying to work out why someone would bring four children into a relationship that has been rocky for its entire length of ten years.

endofthelinefinally · 31/08/2017 07:57

I don't see why you should have to get over it.
He sounds very selfish.

Notreallyarsed · 31/08/2017 07:57

Why isn't he downstairs with you and the kids? That would piss me off in the first place if I was getting up with the kids all the time and he wasn't.
Porn - ugh, and trying to recreate it is degrading.
Are you happy with him? What do you get from the relationship?

isthismummy · 31/08/2017 08:00

I think your main issue is the fact you're the one up with the dc every morning. The wanking is just the rather grim cherry on top of the cake!

Why are you the one up every morning? Does he think it's a woman's job to get up with the kids? Where's your lie in?

Does he work?

ssd · 31/08/2017 08:01

there seems to be a lot of threads lately about men/boys wanking

is the sun looking for another article?

Arealhumanbeing · 31/08/2017 08:02

It bugs you because it's not fair. Why should you get up with the kids on your own every day. I'm guessing that he wouldn't agree to get up together or take it in turns?

You said the relationship has always been rocky and that he uses porn. Also you seem sure that he wanks every morning. Did he tell you that and call your sex life shit? It doesn't sound like you communicate with each other much.

troodiedoo · 31/08/2017 08:02

Brace yourself OP.

Does he have any good qualities?

glow1984 · 31/08/2017 08:03

I think the wanking is probably the least of your worries. You’ve been together for 10 years but your relationship has been rocky for most of that time. I’m not sure why you would want to have 4 kids if your relationship is like that. In my opinion, it sounds like there are other things going on.

Northernparent68 · 31/08/2017 08:04

Presumably the wank does not take long, so is it really an issue

LakieLady · 31/08/2017 08:04

I have to ask (because I'm a nosey fucker), how do you know he's upstairs wanking?

If he leaves "evidence", that's just gross, and very disrespectful. I think wanking is private, unless it's part of your shared sex life.

If my DP was watching porn and wanking while I was downstairs, I'd be bloody livid, but that may be because he only seems to fancy sex once a month or so and I'd like more. And I have issues with porn, not because I'm a prude, but because it often involves exploitation of the women involved, normalises stuff like anal and creates unrealistic expectations of women's bodies.

Anyway, I don't think YANBU, but I can't really give a logical reason why not.

2littlemoos · 31/08/2017 08:05

Damn OP put your foot down!

He should totally be helping you out. Even just sitting there reading a book would be selfish on a regular basis. Sadly, wanking makes it seedier. I would be furious!

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 08:05

I guess at the time i never knew how rocky we were. Now i look back and see how bad things were/are. Like i didnt realise how often he masturbated compared to how little we had sex. But im working on it.

He has to go work and i dont. So stays in bed till 10 mins before he has to leave.
Which i wouldnt mind now if he knew he was sleeping.

I dont really get much from him. He works 6 days a week so i dont have to. And pays bills etc

OP posts:
RedBlackberries · 31/08/2017 08:07

You work too with all those kids.

Ledkr · 31/08/2017 08:07

Does he have.a job to get to ffs?

Ledkr · 31/08/2017 08:08

Sorry x post

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 08:08

Yes he does.

OP posts:
Decaffstilltastesweird · 31/08/2017 08:12

The wanking would probably bother me less than the fact he's lying in bed while you're dealing with 3 dc and a baby.

NotMyPenguin · 31/08/2017 08:12

I think that the wanking is pretty normal in itself, but staying in bed and being lazy while you do work is the real problem!

Eral1234 · 31/08/2017 08:12

Tell him that from now on, he can get up every other day with the children because you want to lie in bed masturbating. I'm guessing that would not go down well with him....

Oh and you do work. Only you work 7 days a week with no holidays as a full time parent. Just because you don't get paid doesn't mean it isn't really hard work looking after children.

Ledkr · 31/08/2017 08:14

Op don't feel pressured into acting out his peen habit either.
He sounds like an idiot.

Bigmomma28 · 31/08/2017 08:27

You are looking after 4 children. That's also hard work darling.
My DP used to make it look like I had an easy job staying home and looking after DC while he paid (most of) the bills. I got a part time job and shared babysitting with him. Now he has a lot of respect for babysitting Grin

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 08:31

i think the wanking is probably the least of your worries. You’ve been together for 10 years but your relationship has been rocky for most of that time. I’m not sure why you would want to have 4 kids if your relationship is like that. In my opinion, it sounds like there are other things going on.

Your right.

OP posts:
pradathescammer · 31/08/2017 08:34

You seem young

derxa · 31/08/2017 08:38
Hmm
scottishdiem · 31/08/2017 08:39
  1. Wanking in a relationship is perfectly normal and doesnt actually relate to your sex life unless he preferring wanking and turning you away. So you need to think about that.
  1. However, if you are doing all the household and childcare activities and he doesn't then that isnt fair. I can see why you begrudge the 10 mins he has to himself as you dont get that. And its this time and his lack of support with the kids/house you should be vexed at, not the wanking.

Mind you, at least be satisfied he isnt doing it when you are sleeping. Thats a no no apparently.