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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About partner wanking while im downstairs with 3 kids

62 replies

Ax688 · 31/08/2017 07:49

First time posting so be gentle Grin

Me and partner been together 10 years. Rocky for pretty much the entire time! Anyway got 3 kids and a new babu recently.

Ive recently realised partner has been wanking quite a lot and even tho since having 3 rd baby we have been having regular sex. Before baby number 3, for years would be once a week.
Now im prob very niave but i guess i never knew he was mastubating but now i do know it bugs the hell out of me.
Why? I dont know. But it does.
Im downstairs with thr 3 kids every morn while hes upstairs wanking himself off.
Maybe coz i didnt realise how shit our sex life was before and only recently its better.
Oh and the porn of course!! Since more sex lets say he's tryinf to reenact stuff he watches 😏😏

I just need some advice other than 'just get over it'
Aibu to be annoyed that he can stay in bed every morn and have a wank while i get up with kids every morn. And yes it could be every morn.

If not how do i get over it??? I dont know what bugs me about it but something does!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 08:40

you seem young

What makes you say that?

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 31/08/2017 08:42

Why did you decide to have 4 children with him?

pradathescammer · 31/08/2017 08:42

An immaturity comes across in your posts. How old are you Op?

WomblingThree · 31/08/2017 08:44

Tell the lazy arsed fucker he can wank after the kids are in bed. Stop having kids with someone who doesn't want them.

catnoir · 31/08/2017 08:44

Old enough to have 4 children in 10 yearsHmm, what's the relevance to her post Pradathescammer?

pradathescammer · 31/08/2017 08:46

The relevance to the post is that op could be young and in need of support @catnoir

Having 4 kids in 10 years isn't exclusively for the Boden wearing middle aged you know.

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 08:49

scottishdiem

  1. Wanking in a relationship is perfectly normal and doesnt actually relate to your sex life unless he preferring wanking and turning you away. So you need to think about that.
  1. However, if you are doing all the household and childcare activities and he doesn't then that isnt fair. I can see why you begrudge the 10 mins he has to himself as you dont get that. And its this time and his lack of support with the kids/house you should be vexed at, not the wanking.

Mind you, at least be satisfied he isnt doing it when you are sleeping. Thats a no no apparently.*

When you put it like that. It hasnt affected us now. Baring in mind i thought sex once a week was the norm.
He has a lot more than 10 mins Grin im up an hour before him.
Its not that he has time to himself.

Maybe im just over sensitive.

OP posts:
catnoir · 31/08/2017 08:51

She is in need of support, since she's posting here asking for it?

Op, I'd be very upset if my Dh stayed upstairs having a wank of a morning, especially to porn, whilst I was downstairs sorting 4 children.
I'd find it insulting in itself too as it seems he's happier wanking to porn everyday then putting effort into your sex life.

So yanbu, imo.

Arealhumanbeing · 31/08/2017 08:51

It sounds really difficult OP. I understand what you mean when you say you didn't realise how rocky things were.

Can you imagine life without him? A different carry on? Smile

It's difficult to get a handle on the sexual issues without a bit more information but I can tell that he doesn't treat you with respect. Him trying to recreate what he sees in porn could mean a lot of different things and some of them will hurt. Also it doesn't sound like your sexual needs and wants are high on his list of priorities.

Can I ask if you have contraception sorted? You already have so much to deal with and another pregnancy would make it even more difficult to move on.

And I do feel that you should move on. Is he likely to make that difficult for you? I understand that starting again will be hard if you're currently a SAHP but you will be entitled to assistance. If you decided to leave would he respect your decision and cooperate? If he doesn't you can still leave but it will be a different experience.

Keep posting.

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 08:52

Where is the immaturity in my posts then? Confused
pradathescammer

OP posts:
Watbox · 31/08/2017 08:52

Most men have a morning wank to empty their balls. Get over it. My husband does it every day and if I happen to be in bed in the morning and I don't fancy sex either I'll wank him or I'll tell him to cracknon while I watch and yes I look after the kids moat mornings and we have 5 of them

VestalVirgin · 31/08/2017 08:52

First get a job. Next ask your partner to do more work around the house.

You need financial independence.

Getting away from the dude with four children will be hard, but I'd at least try in your place.

Reenacting porn ... well, I hope that if the Daily Fail or the Sun are looking for another article, they'll mention that porn is degrading to women, that most of it contains violence against women, and that even the porn that pretends to not contain violence against women does contain violence against women - proof for this are men who think that women make "sex noises" when women make pain noises.

As for the sex life, give it up and buy a vibrator if you aren't particularly talented at masturbating yourself.
Do under no circumstances reenact porn with him. It won't make him love you more, it will only make him disrespect you more if you let him degrade you that way.

Pengggwn · 31/08/2017 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dollydimplenotsosimple · 31/08/2017 08:55

watbox

Errrrrr ok Hmm

WomblingThree · 31/08/2017 08:57

empty their balls???

WTAF are you on about? What happens if they aren't emptied, do they explode or fall off or something? FFS.

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 08:58

*catnoir

She is in need of support, since she's posting here asking for it?

Op, I'd be very upset if my Dh stayed upstairs having a wank of a morning, especially to porn, whilst I was downstairs sorting 4 children.
I'd find it insulting in itself too as it seems he's happier wanking to porn everyday then putting effort into your sex life.

So yanbu, imo.*

Thank you for your advice.
I guess i just wanted to see if it was normal if other husband's/boyfriends/partners do it daily. And how it doesnt bother the wives/gfs etc.

OP posts:
Addictedtocustardcreams · 31/08/2017 09:03

Is he addicted to porn? I ask this because he seems to be prioritising masturbating and watching porn over other aspects in his life like you & kids.

Mrscropley · 31/08/2017 09:03

How about sending all the dc up to jump on him every morning to remind him he has 4 dc that need sorting before he goes to work??
Selfish twat.

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 09:03

Sorry i have no idea how to reply to people posts and finding it hard to keep up with the replies.
I appreciate the advice which people are actually offering rather than asking me 'why ive had kids with him' or 'how old am i'

People come looking for advice. If you are not going to give it then dont bother posting.

Much appreciated to the people who have offered help x

OP posts:
Addictedtocustardcreams · 31/08/2017 09:06

I am sure my DH does masturbate by the way, we have actually discussed it in the past. However I don't know when he does it as he is discrete & hasn't ever let it impact on our family.

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 09:06

Addictedtocustardcreams
Is he addicted to porn? I ask this because he seems to be prioritising masturbating and watching porn over other aspects in his life like you & kids

He says he's not. But im not too sure. I thought wanking everyday was alot. Aswell as having sex.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 31/08/2017 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2littlemoos · 31/08/2017 09:07

"Empty their balls" Grin

OP, please don't feel you need to accept this situation or get yourself involved with his wanking just because Watbox does.

Remember this is your relationship and you must handle and deal with this issue with how you want to.

Clearly this isn't something that you are happy with and you need to have a big big chat with your DP.

Original poster
Ax688 · 31/08/2017 09:08

Addictedtocustardcreams

I am sure my DH does masturbate by the way, we have actually discussed it in the past. However I don't know when he does it as he is discrete & hasn't ever let it impact on our family

I know its normal. Maybe its how much he does it? If it was 3/4times a week but i have a feeling its everytime he gets to be alone.

OP posts:
catnoir · 31/08/2017 09:11

Op I'd be very surprised if most family men had a leisurely wank to porn every morning whilst his dp was struggling downstairs caring for his children. A quick shuffle in the bathroom if needs must, pipes cleaning, balls bursting, and all that tossHmm, but nothing that should impact on your time, or sexlife. Moving on is a bit extreme but I'd certainly put my foot down and tell him it's really out of order and how it upsets you. Flowers