About partner wanking while im downstairs with 3 kids

[Ax688]

First time posting so be gentle

Me and partner been together 10 years. Rocky for pretty much the entire time! Anyway got 3 kids and a new babu recently.

Ive recently realised partner has been wanking quite a lot and even tho since having 3 rd baby we have been having regular sex. Before baby number 3, for years would be once a week.
Now im prob very niave but i guess i never knew he was mastubating but now i do know it bugs the hell out of me.
Why? I dont know. But it does.
Im downstairs with thr 3 kids every morn while hes upstairs wanking himself off.
Maybe coz i didnt realise how shit our sex life was before and only recently its better.
Oh and the porn of course!! Since more sex lets say he's tryinf to reenact stuff he watches 😏😏

I just need some advice other than 'just get over it'
Aibu to be annoyed that he can stay in bed every morn and have a wank while i get up with kids every morn. And yes it could be every morn.

If not how do i get over it??? I dont know what bugs me about it but something does!

What other things are going on..? I have to agree with other comments..
He may be supporting you financially but what about emotionally? And four kids is very hard work (so when he's around he needs to be supporting you..)

Every morning??

I totally get why this makes you feel weird and a bit icky. But, at the end of the day, he's only touching his willy a bit. You shouldn't let it make you feel bad about yourself His wanking isn't a reflection on you or your attractiveness, your self-worth or your sex life. Some people find that the more sex they have, the more they want - so wank to make up the deficit.

Wanking can also be a stress release and a mood-booster, as well as an addictive habit, so he's probably just got in to the routine of doing it and it's become as part of his morning ritual as having a cup of tea.

If he's still getting up and going to work and stuff, I wouldn't mind so much. I know that looking after 4 kids is stressful and can be shit, but so is going to work. What I'd be more worried about would be whether or not he was giving you some alone time (to wank, have a glass of wine, have a cup of tea, read a book - or whatever YOU want to indulge in) to un-wind in each day.

I'd work on redressing the balance so you get some time off childcare duties, maybe in the evenings, if he doesn't help with that already. Or get him to make dinner while you vanish for an hour. Laying in bed while you do all the hard work, for whatever reason, is lazy and selfish.

(Btw, I'm not her DH posting under another name or anything, I'm just pro wanking!)

And I'd be very surprised if most men didn't have a morning fiddle at least every other day. Just most men have the decency to do it in the shower

Most men have a morning wank to empty their balls. Get over it. My husband does it every day

I wish people would stop taking their own very limited experience and using it to massively over-generalise about the entire population.

OP, there's a lot going on in your posts and I think you need to take some time to separate out all the potential issues and work through them. Think through which ones are causing you the most upset and how you and your OH might work together to resolve them.

Masturbating is a contentious issue. Fact is most people, male and female, do it to some extent. For some, it is an extremely personal act that should be kept private, even from your intimate partner. For others, it's as trivial as brushing your teeth. You have to decide what it is that is upsetting you.

You mention the lack of sex and it seems you may feel neglected and second-best to his right hand. It's completely reasonable for you to feel neglected if that is the case and it may not be just the purely physical side of sex you're missing but the connection and intimacy with your partner that goes with it.

Porn is another contentious issue. Personally, I find it highly objectionable and have various concerns about its effect. One is the skewed view of sex that it potentially gives viewers and that ties in with your comment about him wanting to reenact with you things he's seen in porn. That tendency has the potential to be extremely damaging to your self-esteem and your relationship. Porn is predominantly male-centric (often misogynistic) and likes to push taboos and boundaries. You should never agree to doing anything that you don't want to do and don't feel you have to justify yourself either.

Final observation from me, and others have covered this, is the sharing of domestic responsibilities. If you are a SAHP and your partner works full-time, it is reasonable that you do a larger share of the domestic work. It is not fair or reasonable for you to be doing all of it. A household with 3 children and a baby isn't a 9-5 job. You will no doubt be hard at it from early in the morning and throughout the day so by the time he comes in from work you have both put in the same hours. If he thinks he can come in and switch off whilst you continue on with the housework and looking after the kids till bedtime he is taking the piss.

Overall, it doesn't sound like you have anything close to a good relationship. Lack of intimacy. Lack of support with the children. Pressure to do things you don't like in the bedroom. You deserve more than being a skivvy and occasional spunk-bucket. Whether it can be fixed depends on you and OH and it starts with open and honest communication. Gather your thoughts and speak to him.

Ok, let's leave off having a go at the OP for having kids in the first place! There is no rule that says if you don't have the perfect relationship, don't have kids. I'm sure her kids won't grow up thinking "my parents relationship was rocky, I wish I hadn't been born." As a child of a very rocky relationship, I'm still kind of glad to be here.

Wanking. Big deal. All men do it and it doesn't necessarily reflect on your sex life. Porn? I'd be more concerned about that especially if it is having an impact on your sex life. For a start, the porn industry is abusive and misogynistic. Second, porn addiction ruins lives; I'd want to keep an eye on that. About 80% of British men watch it, unfortunately.

I'm not sure. He works 6 days. I'm not saying that you don't but it does perhaps give him some scope for a lie-in. Only you two know how hard he works compared to you. If he's working long hours 6 days a week then you'd be a bit unreasonable to expect him to give you a lie in on his one day off, surely?

The wanking? DH and I both do. I certainly don't do it as often as your husband and I doubt DH does but it's different to sex. I'd bring it up if I felt it was impacting on our sex life but it hasn't.

You need to talk about it with him but purely because you are unhappy with the situation; not simply because he's a massive wanker*

*d'ya see what I did there

My poor husband gets up at 5.30 and is out the door by 6!
He's in bed or in the room with me that whole time.
I am worried now that his full balls will drop off during his commute

@ledkr mine got up this morning at 4.30 for a run and left at 6- not sure if his balls need emptying. Scared now that they've weighed him down and he's created a man joke.

man hole not joke

Anyone else picturing Buster Gonads from Viz?

What would be his reaction if you just decided to take yourself straight to the bathroom and have yourself an hour long bath instead of sorting out the children?

I bet he'd be outraged - because he views it was your job to sort out the children.

He works - em, so do you - all day - every day...

If you took wanking & porn out this equation and replaced it with something else - he'd still be a selfish fucker for placing his need before that of others.

It's normal to masturbate - but, not if you are doing to avoid your actual parenting responsibilities.

Plenty of folk have an arrangement of one being a sahp - that's not the problem here - his whole attitude is!