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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd if you can't have relationship with a certain person

77 replies

Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 18:16

Basically more of a wwyd.

You have strong feelings for someone and he's all you want. The guy has strong feelings for you too. And your good together. You just can't be together.
Do you cut them out of your life or keep them as a friend?

I don't think I could see him with someone else and I really can't imagine being with another guy. Would it get easier.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 30/08/2017 18:17

Depends why you can't be together.

Moanyoldcow · 30/08/2017 18:17

Why can't you be together? That will have an impact on the answer.

Gorgosparta · 30/08/2017 18:17

Cut them off.

You cant be together.

CockacidalManiac · 30/08/2017 18:18

You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. It's heart rending, and it doesn't work.

SuzukiLi · 30/08/2017 18:20

I'm in the exact same situation!
I guess it depends why you can't be together. For us, we just both have too much personal shit going on so we're going to see where we're at in a few months time and just doing the friend thing for the time being, which sucks for us both. But we're keeping it normal. He's just called into mine for a cup of tea and a chat. It's really hard to just be friends though.

Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 18:22

Family basically.... ahhh it sucks cos I don't want to lose him. I've basically cut off all 'friends' (they arnt friends really) and he just makes me happy and a better person.

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 30/08/2017 18:26

You cut all your friends and family out of your life for this bloke? Is that what you're saying? If you don't want to share more that's fine but answers will obviously be limited.

Ilovecoleslaw · 30/08/2017 18:28

He's a family member? Or you can't be together because of yours or his family?

Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 18:31

No I've distanced myself from 'friends' cos they were no good for me. This was before I met him, so wasnt for him. But he's basically the only proper true friend I have now, which makes things harder.

He's not a family member haha. It's his family they we think would have a problem

OP posts:
waitingforlifetostart · 30/08/2017 18:35

'think' would have a problem? So you're not certain they would? Mind you, either way it's none of their business. It's only the choice of the two of you.

PinkHeart5911 · 30/08/2017 18:37

You cut them out, otherwise your just hurting yourself by being friends becuase in the end they WILL meet someone else and it will hurt

ziggzagg · 30/08/2017 18:38

I'm thinking you're from different cultures...or your family has an ancient grudge against his family a la Romeo and Juliet?Wink

Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 18:39

I'm pretty positive they would have a big problem with it.

But that's another thing. Do I stay close in case there's a chance.... don't want to waste my time, don't want to have my heart broken but also don't want to lose him

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 18:40

Haha ziggzagg 😂😂it's not like Romeo and Juliet but that made me laugh

OP posts:
MargotsDevil · 30/08/2017 18:41

This was me 20 years ago. And we remained friends for another 15 years. We get married next summer....

Only you can decide if you think it's worth it - for me it was.

Gorgosparta · 30/08/2017 18:41

Well its not that you cant be together.

Its that its difficult and either you or he has decided its not worth the hassle.

You would be best cutting contact. He will meet someone else.

BackieJerkhart · 30/08/2017 18:41

This all sounds very childlike and romanticised. Are you very young? Is this a first relationship?

Ellisandra · 30/08/2017 18:43

Depends whether he likes you enough to tell his family to accept his decisions. Or whether he'd want to cut them out and never resent you for that.

In the first instance, it's not about his family - it's about him. Why won't he just tell his family to stay out of it?

I'd walk away - if you're hankering after him you won't move on.

Evelynismyspyname · 30/08/2017 18:47

Unless you are from cultural backgrounds where your families have a lot of say in who you marry, or you are still school age, then if you both genuinely only want to be with each other, you just would get together...

Either your backgrounds are the main factor here, in which case not divulging them is entirely your right but makes replies meaningless, or he isn't as in to you as you think.

Get together or get rid, it's not ancient Verona...

Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 18:48

Not young and not first relationship .... I find it hard to trust and get close to people so it's not as if this one guys given me attention and it's all I have. Just genuinely feel something for him.
I would say it's a little too soon to tell them about me anyway.... but obviously the more time goes on the more it will hurt if it doesn't work out. But I suppose that would be the same with any guy ?

Just wish I was normal Confused

OP posts:
happypoobum · 30/08/2017 18:50

I don't understand. Are you saying he won't be a relationship with you because his family don't like you?

If that is the case you are better off without him.

pictish · 30/08/2017 18:51

Are you older than him or something?
Really can't advise without knowing the details. If you won't give them there's no point answering.

HappenedForAReisling · 30/08/2017 18:52

Why do think his family would have a problem?

AntiGrinch · 30/08/2017 18:53

What is it about you that his family won't like? If, in some vague unspecified way they think you aren't "good" enough (class, wealth, criminal record, something like that ) and he is going along with it, he thinks he isn't good enough for you either, and he isn't your real friend.

I think he is only going to hurt you. Get better friends.

If it's as I suggest above: it might be that you're heading for the heart-crushing situation where you're good enough to sleep with, but not good enough take out. That's brutal.

Shakirasma · 30/08/2017 18:54

Is this a gay relationship and his family are homophobic, or are you a transwoman maybe?