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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd if you can't have relationship with a certain person

77 replies

Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 18:16

Basically more of a wwyd.

You have strong feelings for someone and he's all you want. The guy has strong feelings for you too. And your good together. You just can't be together.
Do you cut them out of your life or keep them as a friend?

I don't think I could see him with someone else and I really can't imagine being with another guy. Would it get easier.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 19:22

No because I don't want anyone to pm me.... a lot of people have given good advice with out knowing the ins and outs. I've said we are from different cultures... so that's the reason.

I've also said we are not related, not a class problem, not because I'm a druggy or because our families at war Wink

OP posts:
MsJudgemental · 30/08/2017 19:23

Spit it out, ffs! Sick of these cryptic posts. Angry

Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 19:24

It's not cryptic??? I've said the reason. Am I missing something here?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 30/08/2017 19:25

The only way to get over someone you'll can't be with is to have no contact for a good while.

There is no other way.

Sunbittern · 30/08/2017 19:25

Nobody gets outed on the internet. Youre just being paranoid.

MaidOfStars · 30/08/2017 19:25

What are the two different cultures?

Surprisingly (irony), 'culture clash' means different things.

NYConcreteJungle · 30/08/2017 19:26

Other posters have insinuated that your posts come across as attention seeking as you are so unclear. I guess if you are lonely it's understandable that you want attention. There are worse things to be.

MaidOfStars · 30/08/2017 19:27

Clue: broadly same religion? different ethnicity? radically different life philosophies? Etc.

pictish · 30/08/2017 19:29

It's quite simple...we can't advise without knowing what the problem is! 'Culture' tells us nothing. It could mean a million different things all with varying degrees of import.
Don't know. Can't advise.

Original poster
Lottey90 · 30/08/2017 19:31

Well lots have people have advised and helped without actually knowing the ins and outs.

But I'm leaving it there now before I'm accused of being attention seeking again.

OP posts:
pictish · 30/08/2017 19:31

Cheerio then.

MsJudgemental · 30/08/2017 19:33

Bye...

NYConcreteJungle · 30/08/2017 19:34

Good luck keeping your distance from him. I hope you make some new friends to fill the gap.

MrsE · 30/08/2017 19:36

If you value the friendship and appreciate that it can be nothing more then appreciate what you have and enjoy that they are in your life

Aeviternity · 30/08/2017 19:38

It's 2017. There are no two cultures where you'd be allowed to use the internet that mean you "cannot be together." Or what? You'd be executed?

You just need to weigh up "is this person worth the hassle?" If you, or he, has made the decision "actually no this person isn't actually worth the hassle", then that's the reason you're not together - it's not worth it and there is no 'special something'.

If the spark was real you'd be a couple.

namechange987 · 30/08/2017 19:38

For some reason I read this and thought that the guy is married/recently separated and his family wouldn't accept you as they still have an attachment to his wife/kids and you'd be seen as the reason for the break up.

Goingtobeawesome · 30/08/2017 19:43

Is he really worth all this drama? I suspect not. I also suspect he isn't wringing his hands in angst like you are.

MaidOfStars · 30/08/2017 19:45

If the spark was real you'd be a couple
Agree. Short of a complicated child situation, there is nothing that would stop me.

ShotsFired · 30/08/2017 19:50

@Lottey90 Is this an Indian family/culture thing?

HungerOfThePine · 30/08/2017 19:53

Sounds commitment phobic on his side, family differences can be overcome.
If you both want to be together then you will be.

If he is always going to say it's his family issue then I can't see it changing unless he has said it will?
I would let this one go.

I am actually in similar but no conflicts, just came together when he was only working here for an unspecified time to financially support his family before he went back home to finish his degree.

We have kept in touch for a year now and still share feelings and care for each other but we don't jointly fantasise/future fake about a future as nothing is certain so better to just enjoy the for now.

It took me a few months after we initially broke up to get back on the horse and he is aware and totally fine with that, each time I see him I struggle to get back on but I eventually do. He hasn't seen anyone in that time and I might struggle if he does move on but I can and would accept it.

It's not a romance novel.

headinhands · 30/08/2017 20:13

There is someone else out there for you. But you need to have him out of your life for you to see that

missinghim2017 · 30/08/2017 20:21

I am in the same boat . Can't be together because he's just started work in a new town and it's too far ☹️. It's heart breaking but I am staying friends with him .

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 30/08/2017 20:21

Cripes.
My parents (and grandparents, aunts, uncles and basically anyone who wasn't my siblings) didn't like my DH when we got together because of his religion.
I married him and have seen them once since we got together 15 years ago.

SouthernNorthernGirl · 30/08/2017 20:26

OP Does he have a DW?

Whiterabbitears · 31/08/2017 01:05

I'm guessing he is Asian? Reason I'm saying this is because I've been there. His family accepted us because of our eldest DD being born. I say accept, but there is always a barrier, the younger in-laws are OK but the elders are reserved. We've been together over twenty years and still some people have a problem with from both cultures.

All I will say is that its bloody hard work. I'm not totally sure I would do it again. We produced two amazing DDs but that isn't easy either even though we've raised them with both cultures. Think carefully before you get too involved, there can be a lot of stress along the way. Maybe there are other members here who have a more positive experience, I hope there are!