GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter ·
30/08/2017 00:22
Bit of an odd one, but basically want to know what I should or shouldn't do about this.
Firstly, bit of background. My grandparents; had 3 children. My DM is the oldest (late 50s), then middle child is 2 years younger (A1) and then youngest is 2 years younger again (A2). My grandmother died in 2011 after my grandparents had been married 40+ years (not really relevant). Between the 3 children there are 8 grandchildren, but sadly only 5 of us are still alive. There is also now 3 great grandchildren; my DD and my cousins 2 step children who are considered Great Grandchildren.
A2 has a best friend, who also has children (4 I think), we'll call the friend L. L and A2 have known each other for years and are the same age. My grandmother didn't like L so wouldn't let her come to any family events or treat her any different to any other friends. GM once told my DM that she though L was trying to get close to us as my Gdad has a lot of money; nice house (5 beds which will be worth around £600k where I live), several private pensions+a state one, nice car etc. When my GM needed end of life care Gdad put her in the most expensive hospice he could find, paid for a private nurse for her etc basically no expense was spared because there was no worry about how it would be paid for.
Then when my GM died everything changed. L suddenly became centre of the family, organising GMs funeral, calling GDad "dad" and getting her children (well the 2 I met) to call him "granddad". It all seemed very sweet and innocent for awhile, L had apparently never had parents, so it seemed like she'd just made a family for herself.
I started to become suspicious of her after my cousin died in 2014. Cousin was A1s only DD, and she had several disabilities and issues. L made out like she'd been the most important person in my cousins life, crying over the coffin at the funeral, posting on Facebook how painful it was to lose someone who was "like a daughter to her". I know for a fact she had only met my cousin once, I spoke to my cousin daily and considered her my best friend. A1 also told me at the funeral that the public display of grief was upsetting for her as cousins DM. A1 had words with L, but L made out that A1 was being UR and told her that she loved (cousins name) and will miss her loads. A1 has avoided her as much as possible since, and agrees with my suspicions about her.
When my DD was born in 2015, L told my DM told my mum that now she was a grandmother she wouldn't want to bother with an old man anymore and offered to take the days caring/cleaning my DM did for my Gdad so she could spend time with her new grandchild. Each of the 3 sisters help take care of my granddad 1-2 days a week now he's very old (in his 80s), they clean, cook and help him with anything else such as replying to letters or making phonecalls. All of the sisers get a small amount of money from my Gdads pension as a thank you for helping plus it boosts the income of my DM and A1 who're both now single and working in low paid jobs (I don't know exactly how much but it's between £100 and £200 per week each). DM declined Ls invitation so instead L decided she was going to help my GDad herself on 1 day a week. He told her he didn't need anymore help as between the 3 children and his grandchildren he had a week covered but she insisted. So she does his ironing for him. GDad pays her for this but I know it's only a very small amount and nowhere near what he pays his children.
She's always posting photos of herself and my Gdad on Facebook saying how he's her favourite person ever. She also posts photos of her and A2 saying how they're sisters and they love each other - there's never any mention of my DM or my A1 in these posts.
She's calls herself "Aunty L" to my DD, but never makes the effort to see us without my GDad and won't even tell me where she lives. I only know where because my SIL gives her a lift home sometimes and SIL told me (but she doesn't know SIL is my SIL IYSWIM because we have a common surname). She refused to come to my wedding due to money issues, but when my GDad said he'd pay for her to attend, and also give her money for drinks she could suddenly come and got very drunk with her +1 who I've never met before and never seen her with since. Similar happened at my DDs christening, she couldn't attend until my GDad offered to pay then she turned up got drunk with an unknown +1 and only spoke to Gdad and A2.
A1 and I think she's trying to be written into my GDads will. It's widely known in our family that each of us his daughters will get a share of his house after IT, and that his GC will share his life insurance (worth around £500k) after funeral costs, and that he's left a sum of money to each of his Gr GC (about £10k each).
AIBU to think L wants my GDads money, my GM knew this and was why she kept her at arms length? And if so WWYD about it? A1 and I have both warned my DM, A2 and GDad but they seem to think she's a "sweet woman" whose just helping out.