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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to go right off the deep end?

64 replies

MrsPepperpot79 · 29/08/2017 21:03

My "d"p dropped his phone today as he went off to work. Our toddler found it and started playing with it. I saw DD with it, assumed mine and took it off her. Blame morning lack of caffeine but took a moment to realise a) not my phone, and when that sank in, b) not me sending a text of smiley face with hearts and XXX. I know I was wrong to then read more, but my xh serially cheated on me and I just felt awful sense of déjà vu. The texts were to and from a number saved with no name. Most recent was a late night exchange of just smiley lovey faces and kisses. I tried to persuade myself it was just a friend, but who sends JUST hearts and kisses to a friend, no message, as you go to bed? So... do I go mental or do I just wait and see, on basis that I shouldn't have read, even though the messages were open on front of me?

OP posts:
bungle99 · 29/08/2017 21:07

What did the previous messages say OP? So far, it sounds suspicious. Don't blame you for checking if he's been a serial cheater.

BastardGoDarkly · 29/08/2017 21:08

Oh bollocks, it certainly doesn't look good does it? Has he changed his habits in any way? Staying late/staying out? Charring his phone?

Suzy15 · 29/08/2017 21:08

I'm afraid it doesn't look good at all, but I would have to confront my DP in a calm manner and just hope that there's some horrible mix up/innocent explanation.

BastardGoDarkly · 29/08/2017 21:09

Guarding his phone, not charring Hmm

BastardGoDarkly · 29/08/2017 21:10

Bungle its ops ExH that cheated.

Edgeofthedesert · 29/08/2017 21:12

Surely he's back home by now?

If I were having an affair, then I wouldn't just leave my phone around even if it was broken.

Why not add the number and see on WhatsApp who it is? Most people have a profile photo on there.

Widdsters · 29/08/2017 21:18

Go mental.

It's quite obviously not looking good. So even if it does turn out to be innocent, he can't blame you for going bonkers from how it appears.

1DAD2KIDS · 29/08/2017 21:18

I wouldn't say go off the deep end yet. One because it not be what it seems and you falsely accusing him would defiantly break a trust between you and damage the relationship. Two because if you go off at him half cocked without much evidence its easier for him to lie and turn it around so you feel the crazy one. I would say it times to do some more covert digging, look for more evidence, be totally sure before you call it. Look to changes in his routine, behaviour and spending habits. If you get the chance covertly interrogate the phone for more intelligence.

PurpleMinionMummy · 29/08/2017 21:20

You werent wrong to look after seeing that. You could confront, or you can stay quiet for now and dig some more....

MrsJamesAspey · 29/08/2017 21:28

If you have access to the phone send yourself screenshots of the messages, this happened with my ex and once he got the phone back in his hands he deleted everything and then made out they were joking messages from his mates and I had nothing to argue with. He obviously still ended up as my ex though. Sorry this is happening, it's horrid Flowers

emilybrontescorset · 29/08/2017 21:32

Can you try and dig some more?
It doesn't look good.

C0untDucku1a · 29/08/2017 21:32

Get the number and put it on your phone and see of therw is a name
Or photo on whatsapp

Original poster
MrsPepperpot79 · 29/08/2017 21:37

He has always been surgically attached to the damn thing - and today was pure chance that it fell out of his jeans when he was sat on the sofa. I sent one of the kids over to the office with it within few mins of finding, just panicked.

Other messages were along lines of "not seen you in a while XXX" and jokey "I'll get you in my hay barn xxx" "ooh I'd love that xxx" - straight out of a carry on film, if I didn't think there might be some truth in it.

And yes, out more, (although as a farmer is always off and about doing stuff). Is out now - taking his elderly dad out. He did lie about dropping a cool 250 in a casino two nights ago - just found the damn receipt in his pocket in the washing. He told me he was watching a boxing match.

I feel sick. And slightly stupid.

OP posts:
Sienna333 · 29/08/2017 21:49

Confront him now, you need to know. X

butterfly56 · 29/08/2017 22:03

You should have made a note of the number then rang it with your number withheld!
Seems to me like he's definitely up to something, but he will deny for sure!

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 29/08/2017 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tapandgo · 29/08/2017 23:06

Ask

gamerchick · 29/08/2017 23:12

Have you tried ringing the number?

SweetLuck · 29/08/2017 23:29

You did write down the number didn't you?

Mrscropley · 29/08/2017 23:32

Start checking bank statements /cc etc. .

AtSea1979 · 29/08/2017 23:37

You don't need the number. There's nothing innocent about flirting with someone else. It's a total lack of respect to you. Are you seriously going to stay with and trust someone who would do that? You're braver than me.

mygorgeousmilo · 30/08/2017 04:31

He's either physically or emotionally cheating, or both. There's no other reason for these messages and for lying about going somewhere/money. Confront himASAP and yes get that number and find out for certain what's going on and with who.

Shoxfordian · 30/08/2017 05:49

Definitely sounds like cheating

TheMaddHugger · 30/08/2017 06:06

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) 🌺🌸🌼🌸🌺

PoorYorick · 30/08/2017 06:22

Ring the number using his phone.

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