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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to go right off the deep end?

64 replies

MrsPepperpot79 · 29/08/2017 21:03

My "d"p dropped his phone today as he went off to work. Our toddler found it and started playing with it. I saw DD with it, assumed mine and took it off her. Blame morning lack of caffeine but took a moment to realise a) not my phone, and when that sank in, b) not me sending a text of smiley face with hearts and XXX. I know I was wrong to then read more, but my xh serially cheated on me and I just felt awful sense of déjà vu. The texts were to and from a number saved with no name. Most recent was a late night exchange of just smiley lovey faces and kisses. I tried to persuade myself it was just a friend, but who sends JUST hearts and kisses to a friend, no message, as you go to bed? So... do I go mental or do I just wait and see, on basis that I shouldn't have read, even though the messages were open on front of me?

OP posts:
Peachyking000 · 30/08/2017 06:47

If you confront him he may just lie, then what will you do? I know it'll be painful but can you wait another week or so and check it again, build up more evidence. And obviously get photos of the messages. If you can act normal after he left his phone behind, he'll trust you not to snoop and might drop his guard.

flumpybear · 30/08/2017 07:13

Sounds awful for you - confront him and try to sort this out you should stay in control
Good luck

Original poster
MrsPepperpot79 · 30/08/2017 10:14

I got the number. No luck on WhatsApp. Also photographed messages. One was talking about meeting at an event this weekend - a big fair near us. I wasn't going to go to that but might now. Will leave confronting until after that. However am going to ring number "is that Sarah? Oops, must have dialled wrong...". Can't believe this is happening. So much for trust and honesty.

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 30/08/2017 10:17

Have you tried putting the number into Facebook search? If someone has their number associated with their account it could bring it up depending on their privacy settings.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 30/08/2017 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsPepperpot79 · 30/08/2017 11:23

I hadn't thought of Facebook! Will try...

OP posts:
NoFucksImAQueen · 30/08/2017 11:25

Oh op I'm so sorry

RiversrunWoodville · 30/08/2017 11:30

Oh op so sorry

Peachyking000 · 30/08/2017 12:18

Can you turn up at the fair and catch him, rather than tell him in advance you are going? Or get a good friend to go, and bump into him by surprise, "Oh hello, I must tell Mrs Pepperpot I saw you today....."

PeaFaceMcgee · 30/08/2017 12:22

He's a lier and a cheat. There's nothing you can find out that will make it any better, sorry.

StickThatInYourPipe · 30/08/2017 12:25

Call the number and put 141 at the beginning and just don't speak.

Op I didn't think it sounded bad until the non name saved on the phone. I send kiddy faces and kisses to people all the time so probs wouldn't read into that alone.

The additional comments I would be worried about too, if they are 'jokes' they are totally inappropriate! I say this as someone who wouldn't think twice about joking around like that in RL, but written down in secrete over message just makes it seem like something is going on. I would follow him to the fair and not tell him, probably take some pictures and then think about what my next move would be if it is the worst!

Tapandgo · 30/08/2017 13:17

Check his SAT nav?

emilybrontescorset · 30/08/2017 15:10

Yes I think you should go to the fair but don't tell him.
Don't confront him unless you see him with someone else and then he may still lie.
Casually ask him what he is doing that day/evening when the fair is on. Don't push the point only ask once . Don't let on you are going.

Piffle11 · 30/08/2017 15:51

He's probably friends with her on Facebook ... my DSis suspected her husband of having an affair after he started losing interest in her: he took his phone EVERYWHERE - even when showering. Kept 'missing' last train home after supposed work meetings in city so had to stump up for hotels ... spending lots more cash but apparently nothing to show for it. My DSis guessed his FB password and there it all was - all the evidence. He's previously denied it when asked but obviously couldn't deny this! Have you checked out his FB friends? Any single women you don't know or don't know well? Anyone daft enough to give you a clue by setting their status as 'it's complicated' (is that still a thing in FB?) which is what this girl had done! Like Emily before me said, if you ask him anything such as his plans for the weekend, only ask once or he'll get suspicious. And go to the fair but obvs don't tell him. Wear something that wouldn't automatically register with him if he happened to see you before you saw him. Good luck.

SparklyMagpie · 30/08/2017 15:55

Not looking good i'n afraid OP

Waddlelikeapenguin · 30/08/2017 17:01

I hope you can have a honest conversation Flowers

pioe · 30/08/2017 17:05

Definitely go to the fair. Make sure he doesn't know you're going though and get some evidence.

Ilovecoleslaw · 30/08/2017 17:08

Do you have snapchat op?
You can save the number to your contacts, open snapchat and go to the add friends bit. There's a section that lets you add or invite your contacts.
If the number is registered to an account, you may be able to see what the name is.

I managed to do this recently after a strange phone call and them hanging up.

Msqueen33 · 30/08/2017 17:11

I'd say it doesn't look great but I really hope it's innocent. I'd probably just have an honest conversation and state you saw his phone and ask how long it has been going on and see if he drops himself in it. Good luck.

Appuskidu · 30/08/2017 17:16

Are you supposed to be going to the fair together?

wildbhoysmama · 30/08/2017 17:27

Flowersand hugs OP. Do you have friends or family nearby that you could trust to use as a sounding board? If they know him they might be able to give a different perspective of him I.e. An outside View if they think he's capable of deceit etc.
I would use smileys and hearts to a few, male friends but OH knows them well and there would be chat too not just kisses!

scampimom · 30/08/2017 17:39

"I'll get you in my hay barn"??

That's the bit where any other explanation falls down for me. It's jokey and suggestive, and the sort of thing you say when you're single. I wouldn't wait for the fair, I'd need to know.

notapizzaeater · 30/08/2017 17:44

He's lied about the casino so why should you believe anything he says about these messages.

Logans · 31/08/2017 03:08

I'm so sorry OP but it sounds very bad to me.

Can you get babysitting so you can secretly go to the fair?

Branleuse · 31/08/2017 13:55

sounds dodgy to me. Hope you get some answers

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