Aibu to go right off the deep end?

[MrsPepperpot79]

My "d"p dropped his phone today as he went off to work. Our toddler found it and started playing with it. I saw DD with it, assumed mine and took it off her. Blame morning lack of caffeine but took a moment to realise a) not my phone, and when that sank in, b) not me sending a text of smiley face with hearts and XXX. I know I was wrong to then read more, but my xh serially cheated on me and I just felt awful sense of déjà vu. The texts were to and from a number saved with no name. Most recent was a late night exchange of just smiley lovey faces and kisses. I tried to persuade myself it was just a friend, but who sends JUST hearts and kisses to a friend, no message, as you go to bed? So... do I go mental or do I just wait and see, on basis that I shouldn't have read, even though the messages were open on front of me?

If he's done it before I would say that he is dlingbit again.

If you get a chance op check his phone later and see if he has deleted the texts. It won't necessarily prove anything except the possibility that he is worried you might have seen them and it could mean he is being more discreet about his correspondence.

I don't know how you haven't confronted him yet but more power to you for keeping your cool. Ducks in a row time unfortunately I think - best of luck

That's shit op. I would suggest talking to him. Hope you're ok

Checked his messages last night. More chat between the two - and turns out she is connected to fair - she is helping set it up. Nothing further - I wanted to check call history but no time. Feel so devious sneaking into his phone.

What Peachyking said sounds like a very good idea. If he thinks that you haven't looked at his phone,he just might relax his grip on it,giving you the chance to gather some more evidence. Sorry you're going through this OP. I've been there too (although many years ago) so I do have an inkling of what you're going through.

If you cannot forgive an affair work out everything you want to happen now. Finances etc. Copy the number. Ask how long it has been going on. When he goes to the script hit him immediately with him leaving the house etc (all those things you've decided will happen). He needs to do the running around as he breached the trust. And he has. They always do. Mumsnet seems to demonstrate a 100% cheating reality.

I wouldn't confront him yet if I were you. Gather loads of evidences, would be useful later!

I agree with the PP. find the evidence you need first before confronting.

OP you don't need to check his phone. You need to decide whether you are prepared to stay with a cheat. If not, stop convincing yourself you need evidence, it isn't helping. Just leave or pack his bags. When he asks why, just watch his face when you tell him.

Best of luck with the proof however this is only distracting you from dealing with it. You really need to think hard about what you want to happen now and start planning. It will come as a shock to him but do not allow yourself to be sidetracked by what he wants.

Of she said connected with the fair then you can call on their pretense

At least you'll get a name and could go from there

Sorry if I missed this, but what do his replies to her say?

Sorry you're dealing with this :( it sounds shit. Thinking of you.