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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Reach your kids some fucking consideration! [ranty]

396 replies

someonestolemynick · 29/08/2017 15:22

This has been inspired by the mummy who let her two charming kids scoot around Tesco. But it also goes out to the geniuses who keep their little darlings watch Peppa Pig on the bus or the pub. The parent who doesn't think it necessary to teach their kids that the appropriate response to bumping into another human is to apologise.
I have noticed this more and more: children (being children) act loud, entitled or aggressive and the accompanying adult smiles indulgently rather than correcting behaviour that infringes on others.

Ianbu Grin

OP posts:
becotide · 29/08/2017 19:29

And Athena, your refusal to enforce headphones or silence TORTURES everyone else around, especially children like MY son who cannot stand the tinny rustle of other people's tech. Should everyone else be TORTURED, even the OTHER differently abled children?

bigmouthstrikesagain · 29/08/2017 19:35

Bluetooth headphones are are wonder, they have enabled dd to happily potter along in her own world while we travel in the real world, the wired variety inevitably ended up strangling or tangling!

KERALA1 · 29/08/2017 19:35

So not being allowed to aggravate every other passenger with tinny kids to constitutes "torture"?!

ArcheryAnnie · 29/08/2017 19:36

I'd rather a distant muttering of a cartoon pig, than the screams of a unhappy toddler.

How about the screams of a really filthy song, played from my phone really loud, in revenge, Kiwipie? Because that's what I really want to do next time I am forced to spend a journey with Peppa Pig against my will.

I've done my time with Peppa Pig. No more.

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 19:40

Athena as I've said previously, all 3 of mine have SN and I get them to use headphones, that way they're not stressed but also nobody else is either. It's finding a balance.

someonestolemynick · 29/08/2017 19:41

kiwpie that's not really a choice. Why doesn't your child wear headphones.

Athena I do get it. I asked whether there was a reason your child couldn't wear headphones. It was not a rhetorical question. I do get that sometimes you have to choose the least bad option (e.g. volume up but on very low). Having a special needs child does not trump every other person's right (some of whom could also have special needs).

OP posts:
MerchantofVenice · 29/08/2017 19:58

I get that many of these examples are pretty antisocial. Not to mention dangerous.

But the unpleasant thing is this apparent need to brand it as a generational thing, so that 'parents these days' are feckless halfwits, whereas back in the day, it was all so different.

Well, I guess in a way it was different. Kids were not expected to be out and about in the world; during the summer, they might be playing in a field from dawn to dusk, not trailing round Tesco with their parents. For various reasons, free- range kids aren't a reality for most these days.

So we have this society which appears to be geared up for children, with many facilities and activities. But we forget that kids aren't mini adults or little robots, and often simply their normal behaviour is fucking annoying! I am always reminding my children to watch where they're going, because they tend to drift around in a daze, rabbiting endlessly about My Little Pony, seemingly oblivious to the fact that we're trying to navigate our way down a busy street. It drives me mad! But I am trying not to annoy others, believe me.

Even places that are apparently child-focused are sometimes a nightmare - like the craft activities in the local church, where the nice ladies try to make your 3 year old do the craft in a highly specfic way which they don't really fancy.

Kids do need to be kids. When they were running feral in the parks all summer, no one was scrutinising their behaviour. Of course, back in 'those days', they still had to behave impeccably at times... but let's not forget that there used to be a certain amount of fear used to discipline children!

I just don't like threads that set out to 'other' modern parents. There was one poster up thread who claimed that common sense and common courtesy barely exist any more or some such nonsense. Come on!!

Athena404 · 29/08/2017 20:02

someonestolemynick no he can't wear headphones. And I don't think you get what I'm getting at. Would you rather witness a child a panic attack or have to overhear a video about centrifugal force that is no louder than you and another having a conversation? To add, I've never once encountered a bus driver who wasn't ok with it.

becotide · 29/08/2017 20:04

Would you rather use headphones, Athena, or would you rather have the tablet smashed out of your hands by an enraged autistic teenager?

Your child does not trump mine.

I understand your struggles, they are probably equal to mine. But your child does not trump mine.

Athena404 · 29/08/2017 20:08

be well then he'll be arrested for attacking a child ...

Nanny0gg · 29/08/2017 20:09

See, I don't care how many rules you have or how obedient to them your children are, scooters are for parks, not pavements. They make pedestrians nervous as they have no idea which way your children are going or how in control they are.

As to them in museums - what is wrong with the staff? Just forbid them!

And when I was a kid, any messing about in shops (as if I dared!) would have been dealt with by the assistant if my mum's attention was elsewhere.

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 20:10

Athena404 so tolerance only applies to your child then? Not anyone else's with SN? Helpful.

MerchantofVenice · 29/08/2017 20:18

scooters are for parks not pavements

Whilst that sounds sensible, I can't help wondering how the children are going to get to the park to do their scootering? Do you expect them to carry the scooter all the way?

Nuttynoo · 29/08/2017 20:20

@Athenams consideration is for her spawn not anyone else. Like the idiot who thought it was my job to pull her son back just before he scooted full pelt into a supermarket display this morning. Nope.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 29/08/2017 20:26

kiwipie Haven't you ever heard of headphones? Then neither you nor anyone else has to listen to inane children's shows nor their tantrums.

someonestolemynick · 29/08/2017 20:27

Athena, it's not my intention to attack you.
I'm trying to understand where you are coming from. I find noise from a tablet very disruptive and it bothers me much more than a conversation.
Most kids can and should wear headphones or can watch the video on silent.
If your child is an exception and would be distressed if he is not watching videos by all means: watch on the lowest voluse possible but be aware it DOES have an impact others and if there is a noise free alternative I and many other people would be very thankful.

OP posts:
Albinohedgehogs · 29/08/2017 20:31

I agree op!
My DSD has apalling table manners and my DH & I had to work really hard to teach her the very basics (she's 10)
Then recently I saw her mother eating and it all made perfect sense Confused

Nuttynoo · 29/08/2017 20:32

@Albinohedgehogs - I'm sure there are things they could point out about you. Don't throw stones and all that.

Nanny0gg · 29/08/2017 20:35

MerchantofVenice

If the park's in walking distance, push them. And if you're going to school or shopping, leave them at home!

LineysRun · 29/08/2017 20:40

Ah well, I had an exchange with a teenager and her three younger siblings yesterday in a crowded aisle full of trolleys in Asda. I said, 'after you', and the siblings all chirped 'thank you!' and I said 'you're welcome!' and we all were happy.

Albinohedgehogs · 29/08/2017 20:41

Another thing I've noticed is the lack of thank you cards.
When I was younger we were always encouraged to send thank you cards to show our gratitude for gifts.
Now children seem to have no idea who bought them what and they certainly aren't encouraged to be grateful.

MerchantofVenice · 29/08/2017 20:41

I must admit I haven't really come across the apparently infuriating Peppa-Pig-watching in public. OP mentioned that people do it on the bus... I always think, though, that if you were expecting rest and relaxation on a bus, you were always going to be disappointed...? If it's a place where kids can be, they're likely to be talking at kid volume (which isn't that unreasonable, is it?). Is Peppa Pig that much worse than endless questions about trees/the moon/socks?

I was once amazed at a woman who really laid into a mum who was struggling with a recalcitrant toddler at the checkouts in Tesco; the kid kept running off and had to be chased. I felt sorry for the mum because it looked like she was having a shit day. Admittedly, the situation wasn't ideal... but what sort of stranger really cares if their checkout experience in Tesco is slightly more noisy/chaotic than usual? Did you really go there for some quality me time??

letsmargaritatime · 29/08/2017 20:42

I am sick of non-parenting parents. The ones at the playpark. The ones on airplanes. The ones in every. single. café. Luckily they are in the minority - but they are everywhere. To all the PP's who say they never come across it - unless you are living in an isolated rural village - I'm guessing it is might be YOU!

Unfortunately I think this is true

MerchantofVenice · 29/08/2017 20:43

Albinohedgehogs

Yes, you're right. Kids 'now' are never encouraged to be grateful. Fact.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 29/08/2017 20:43

WhatToDo she can wear them if she wants, it's her choice not to. The fact remains that there's no way that my DC disturb anyone else. And I agree with you re adult noise. Nobody's arguing with you about that. I'm merely stating that tablets don't need to be at full volume, and at the level that my DC have them, there's no way that we're disturbing anyone in a massive, busy café. I am considerate, you see.