to not want my six year old daughter described as "sultry"?

[DrSeuss]

I got her one of those mermaid tails to wear to play in the pool on holiday. They had lots of pretty, sparkly ones but she wanted Nemo. I took some pictures of her laid on the pool side with her head resting on her hand and the tail spread out. She's six and knows nothing about how to be anything other than a normal, cute six year old. Put the pictures on FB which I always do as the in laws live a very long way away and hardly get to see the grandchildren. MIL just described my daughter as "very sultry"! She's six!

I was pretty sure I knew the meaning of that word but checked and the Cambridge dictionary defines it as "attractive in a way that suggests sexual desire" while Merriam-Webster says it means 'exciting or capable of exciting strong sexual desire"!

I have posted underneath this comment that a)she's pretending to be a Disney character who is actually a clown fish and b) she's SIX! She hasn't seen what I wrote yet. I am torn between wanting the word removed and wanting her to understand why I am not impressed. Also, I want various family members who leap to her defence overtime she says something offensive to see it and judge for themselves.

AIBU to think this comment is outrageous?

Yep, and I wouldn't fire back "sultry is not a word you should use to describe a 6 year old", because you have just leapt to the conclusion that she is describing your 6 year old, and not the pose. At the very least, your criticism will need to be more complicated.

Its the in laws who are being judgemental. Their judgement is off, and they are making comments in front of the kids.

Delete the comment, but don't hold it against her.

She may not know what it actually means.

Just because someone is 'university educated,' and knows foreign languages etc etc, doesn't mean they know fucking everything!!! Some of the least knowledgeable people on quiz shows (like the Chase,) are the graduates!

Are you comfortable enough to PM her and say 'thanks for the comment, but do you know what sultry means LOL?' Like in a jokey way.

• disclaimer. I am not saying graduates are thick by the way! I am just saying that just because someone is 'university educated,' that doesn't mean they are more knowledgeable than people who aren't.

Maybe your MIL was using the word in it's old sense when applied to film stars, etc. as another poster said. The same thing happened with the word 'gay'. A perfectly ok, innocuous word when I was growing up, then it got hijacked by the homosexual community, and if anyone uses it in the old sense now, it can be viewed as very odd!

Do PIL have any daughters or is it just DH and BIL they have?

Just wondered if they are unused to what we would say in the modern world about girls and are harking back to what people might have said when they were younger?

They have a daughter. She is younger than BIL by four years and DH by seven years.

far, far too much emphasis on how people look as opposed to how they feel. It is all over the adult world too.

one of my fb friends has just married - she does indeed look fantastic (dressed as Pippa, not Kate - a grown up dress not a ghastly lace toilet roll cover) but what stands out to me is the huge grin on her face and that of her groom. So the compliment is that she looks really, really happy which is what matters.

It's not ideal, but she didn't hit your daughter so I wouldn't be too appalled.

Honestly, I think it was a misjudged joke.

I'd say she's having a dig at you posing her like that for photos.

Yes, I agree that you must have 'posed' your daughter. A natural way for a six year old to post unprompted (in my opinion) is sitting up with legs/tail straight out in front of them. Not that pose.

Attack might be the best form of defence but it's not justified here. Speak to your MIL, don't be so cowardly. I would say, "I've realised that the pose was a bit off, it wasn't intended to be. I've taken off your 'sultry' comment because you know what people can be like when they misconstrue things...". No harm, no foul.

I would be very wary of allowing the PIL to be alone with your DD, sorry. They sound worrying at all levels.

My DDs are 8 and 5 and I would hate to have the word 'sultry' to be used to describe either of them. I would delete the comment and explain to them why. Or your partner can explain why. What does he have to say, btw?

Wow. Storm in a teacup. Just ignore it. It's not a big deal.