to not want my six year old daughter described as "sultry"?

[DrSeuss]

I got her one of those mermaid tails to wear to play in the pool on holiday. They had lots of pretty, sparkly ones but she wanted Nemo. I took some pictures of her laid on the pool side with her head resting on her hand and the tail spread out. She's six and knows nothing about how to be anything other than a normal, cute six year old. Put the pictures on FB which I always do as the in laws live a very long way away and hardly get to see the grandchildren. MIL just described my daughter as "very sultry"! She's six!

I was pretty sure I knew the meaning of that word but checked and the Cambridge dictionary defines it as "attractive in a way that suggests sexual desire" while Merriam-Webster says it means 'exciting or capable of exciting strong sexual desire"!

I have posted underneath this comment that a)she's pretending to be a Disney character who is actually a clown fish and b) she's SIX! She hasn't seen what I wrote yet. I am torn between wanting the word removed and wanting her to understand why I am not impressed. Also, I want various family members who leap to her defence overtime she says something offensive to see it and judge for themselves.

AIBU to think this comment is outrageous?

I think you are over-reacting. You got her to pose in a position which if it was a grown woman would be rightly described as sultry. I don't think you MIL is intending offence, and you should just whattsapp things like that, but then I don't get the mentality of parents who post images of their kids all over the internet so I might be biased.

I honestly can't decide. She must know that word and it's meaning. If she thinks the pose or the costume is inappropriate then why not just say so?

Auto correct maybe ? Hopefully

Personally I wouldn't have posted the picture and would just ignore the comment. The people who can see the picture is controlled by you and therefore the people who can see the comment is controlled by you. It was a silly word to use but I think you are taking it a bit far?

Yeah I think she's disapproving of the pose. Hence the comment.

Sounds like she's got a bit of form?? I'd delete her comment.

You got her to pose in a position which if it was a grown woman would be rightly described as sultry
My toddler regularly sits in his nappy on the floor legs splayed. If Chris Hemsworth did it in tight pants it would be sexy. When my 2 year old does it its just a 2 year old sitting about in his nappy. If I lay on the beach like OOPus daughter I'd look like a beached whale, not salty. The 6 yo looks like a cute fish. Giselle would loom sultry.

Ask her? One can still hope it was autocorrect.

I would disapprove of a six year old posing in a sultry way, but I'd never describe her as sultry, I'd write "That pose is a bit too adult for her" or "That's inappropriate".

So I don't think it is that. :(

The most likely scenario is that she either disapproves or is using the word as a synonym for "glamorous" or similar.

In the event it's one of the above delete the comment and follow up in conversation if you think necessary.

There is I suppose a tiny chance that she is deliberate sexualising your child in which case you need a much tougher conversation.

Oooh maybe they many salty as my phone just autocorrected

My view may be coloured by an incident during a visit a little while ago. DD loves to be tickled. BIL was duly tickling her, in plain sight, about four feet away from me, in the living room with many others there to see. Nothing at all inappropriate about that, no issue at all. An uncle and his niece having a laugh. FIL made a comment about how this was the kind of thing that DD would remember at 16 and decide it had been abuse! BIL was absolutely horrified, so embarrassed the poor bloke! So, not the first inappropriate comment. from that camp.

WTF is wrong with Your FIL [and MIL] Wowza

was Bil his [fil's] son?? or from the other side of your family ??

It's not great, but 'sultry' has, or rather used to have an Ava Gardner in black velvet feel to it - more glamorous old school movie star than strumpet.

Actually, given the mermaid tail I suppose it'd be more Esther Williams.

Ok, that makes your MIL's comment appear in a very different light.

Rapists make rape jokes.

I'd not leave a child alone with FIL, tbh. He might just be a regular misogynist idiot, but you have no way of knowing, and someone who jokes about child abuse ...

BIL is DH's brother so FIL's son. He was mortified and I really don't think there was anything in his head except amusing DD.

Can we please not bring religion into it. What has that to do with it? We aren't Muslim, my in laws aren't either.

OK, have any weird vibes from Fil ?

No weird vibes but I really found the whole tickling comment hard to deal with. I really think BIL was just playing with a child in an appropriate manner by tickling her ribs. I was right there, I saw him.

That last comment is more indicative of something in their last than anything else.

Only a few years ago, so much was covered up, or brushed under the carpet.

They may just be trying to flag up that something doesn't sit well with them, but they are unable to say it aloud.

Be kind, and don't ascribe to them motives meaner than your own.

Your PILs are worrying, to say the least!

jamjar23 WTF