to not want my six year old daughter described as "sultry"?

[DrSeuss]

I got her one of those mermaid tails to wear to play in the pool on holiday. They had lots of pretty, sparkly ones but she wanted Nemo. I took some pictures of her laid on the pool side with her head resting on her hand and the tail spread out. She's six and knows nothing about how to be anything other than a normal, cute six year old. Put the pictures on FB which I always do as the in laws live a very long way away and hardly get to see the grandchildren. MIL just described my daughter as "very sultry"! She's six!

I was pretty sure I knew the meaning of that word but checked and the Cambridge dictionary defines it as "attractive in a way that suggests sexual desire" while Merriam-Webster says it means 'exciting or capable of exciting strong sexual desire"!

I have posted underneath this comment that a)she's pretending to be a Disney character who is actually a clown fish and b) she's SIX! She hasn't seen what I wrote yet. I am torn between wanting the word removed and wanting her to understand why I am not impressed. Also, I want various family members who leap to her defence overtime she says something offensive to see it and judge for themselves.

AIBU to think this comment is outrageous?

Can you delete the comment and forget about it?

My 3 year old was described as being sexy once! I didn't need to say anything, my face said it all and the term hasn't ben used since.

I'd be having it out with her.

I often hear people describe their babies and children as "sexy".

As in, "Ooh you're my sexy little man" or, "Don't you look sexy in your princess dress".

It makes me shudder. Sultry is exactly the same. It's a child.

I'd have to talk to her by phone or email as she's 300 miles away! She'll have an excuse, it won't have been her fault. Or I'll be over sensitive, one or the other.

And, again, let's leave religion out of it.

I get the comment from FIL.
There has been so much historical sex cases recently I would have understood himsaying was that he wouldn't want any thing to be misinterpreted in the future perhaps?

I think your MIl was being disapproving about you and thought you may have making her look older and 'sexy' and she wasn't happy.

However, as always, this is just a guess from a few sentences you have given us. Only you know the true dynamics of your family.

'SUltry' can just mean 'hot and humid', you know. In fact, in my dictionry, that's its primary meaning.

It only means sexy when applied to a woman. As your dd is clearly not a woman I don 't think you need to worry. Perhaps your mil knows the meaning of the word very well indeed, better than you?

dictionary, I can spell, my keyboard doesn't.

I am aware of both meanings. Not sure how a picture of a child in costume would cause a comment on the weather?

OP, you've quoted two words from your MIL. What was the sentence? This could put a different construction on her words

Again with the Muslims. A teeny, tiny minority do that. A teeny, tiny minority of all faiths and cultures do that. And?

No sentence. Just the two words.

No, she really doesn't do irony or humour in that way. She once heard me say I was going to feed my newborn prunes and genuinely believed me. She just doesn't have a sense of humour like that.

Being hyper aware of abuse in such an open way is bordering on abusive behaviour. They should not be making those types of comments in front of your kids.
I wouldnt be concerned about your BIL, but I would monitor both your in laws. They dont know whats appropriate and what isnt.

I agree, DJ. BIL was doing nothing wrong, I'm sure of it.

And, if today's comment was a joke, it's still inappropriate.

YANBU

When my eldest son was about 6 months old my uncle's wife said he "looked sexy" in a wee outfit I had him in. Gave me the creeps

It only means sexy when applied to a woman. As your dd is clearly not a woman I don 't think you need to worry.

So what does "sexy" mean when others apply this to a little girl (or boy)?

I don't think the MIL meant the weather, this is all very odd.

As I would want to give my MIL the benefit of the doubt, I would imagine she meant it in a "30s screen siren" way, as a PP said.

Can't you just put "that's not really an appropriate word for a six year old" under her comment?

When someone behaves in a way that is potentially risky, its not our job to worry about the meaning behind their behaviour. All we have to do is keep ourselves and our kids safe.
Dont take chances with people whose behaviour is a risk, treat them like they are one.

It's an odd choice of word I must admit.

I agree with the poster above who thinks that your MIL is giving you a shot across the bows in that the POSE, not your daughter, is perhaps a bit inappropriate? Perhaps she feels that the photo should be removed.

Your daughter is six, yes, but the way you've described her pose is the same way that a grown woman would, albeit with guile.

Why are you so quick to leap to judgement of your MIL? Is this behind the reasoning of family members who feel the need to defend her?

I think that she doesn't really understand the true meaning of sultry.
Some words do get used meaning something else.
I would just comment ' Sultry? Thats not a word to describe a 6 year old! Look it up!'
I wouldn't then care how she took my comment.

Well, without knowing your MIL, my guess is that she is describing the pose, and not your child. If I had it right, she just wrote "Very sultry". Now understandably that reads like she is saying that your dd is sultry. But she might just be saying that the pose is a sultry pose. It is sultry in that - were the right person (e.g. adult woman) in it - it would excite sexual desire. To compare, suppose that you drew a stick person in that pose. Someone might say "very sultry" - not saying that they are turned on by your stick person, but that the pose itself is sultry!
I think that your MIL has been unlucky/a bit thoughtless to put things in a way that can be misinterpreted. But I certainly wouldn't jump to thinking that she is saying that your dd is arousing sexual desire!