To want to tell my sibling our mother smacked her kids?

[Roisin79]

I was babysitting my 2 nephews with my mother and there were 2 incidents. One where she smacked the older one's bum as he was being a bit naughty whilst on the loo. He peed a bit on the floor and she said "He ALWAYS does that!" which upset him and he responded "No I don't!", then cried.
The second time the younger nephew was reading a book and she thought he would rip the page and she smacked him on the hand and said "DON'T!" (he wasn't ripping it at all just trying to turn page). I felt awful for both of them. They are both under 5. I told my mother that she shouldn't have done it and after a while she agreed and thanked me for being made aware of it (unbelievable I know, must be a generational thing). But now I do not know whether to rock the boat and tell my sibling. Do I stay quiet but if she does it again, then say something?? Help!

It isn't a generational thing imo, sorry. My parents, (born in the early to mid fifties), were completely anti smacking and used to make a point of telling us that they'd be pretty pissed off if we smacked our own children when we grew up. I've never known my grandmother to smack either. She's 94.

yanbu though. I think I'd want to tell my sister too if this happened.

They were hard smacks....but they weren't just light taps either

*were't hard smacks

Of course you should tell, how would you feel it if was your kids? She's probably worse to them when no-one around.

Does your mum regularly look after the boys? If yes then I think you have to tell your sister really.

If not then it's up to you really - you know whether your sister will fly off the handle. I'm glad your mum admired she was wrong. Physically punishing a child (under 5!) for a little mess while toileting is very worrying

You should tell your sister. Absolutely.

If it was me I would definitely want to know, that is just so wrong. I'm really sorry you've been put in this position.

It was more of a thing in previous generations, but that's no excuse. She had absolutely no right to do that, she's not the parent.

I wouldn't say anything. Your mum has realised her mistake and says she won't do it again. I'm not sure what you have to gain by telling your sister unless it was to happen again of course

Of course you should tell your sibling that your mother physically assaulted their kids.

Absolutely you should tell her.

You're not rocking the boat. Your mother has rocked the boat by smacking them.

Tell her!
If you don't, it's likely your mother will carry on and then when your DS finds out she will be so upset that you knew all along

Of course you should tell. Would t you want to know?!

I would tell your mother that you're giving her the opportunity to tell your sister herself, and if she doesn't by a certain date then you will

I agree with the last poster, I would tell your mum to tell her.
Surely it's quite likely the kids will tell their mum anyway? Especially if they're from a non smacking household x

This is something that not only makes me incredibly angry, but also breaks my heart. It seems like nothing to some adults to smack a child, but to that child in that moment it feels like EVERYTHING..

Also hitting a child for toilet issues, even If they are literally walking across the carpet aiming it up the walls... You never ever ever smack or punish them. It can have life long repercussions and cause long term bed wetting. I think anyone who smacks, shouts, etc when it comes to the toilet and potty training or accidents at any age should be ashamed of themselves.

In short - yes you should tell her, and you should tell your mother exactly what I've said about about the long term damage that can happen if you punish a child over toilet training, habits, or accidents.

If they were my children and you did not tell me I would hold you just as culpable as your mother if you failed to tell me.

She's put you in an awful situation, as if you think your sibling won't be happy about it then to NOT tell them colludes with your mum

If it was your kids and your sibling had seen, would you want to know? Would your kids want you to know?

I'd tell your mum she needs to tell your sister otherwise you will by a certain day then I'd bring it up with your sister to make sure she told her and told her what actually happened not just "in gave the children and little tap as they were being naughty and Roisin is making a fuss"

You absolutely must tell your sister.

Maybe you could say to your mum that you're planning to mention it to your sister, and give her a chance to do it herself?

If i was your sister and you didn't tell me when I eventually found out I would be just as furious with you.

Yes of course you should tell her!

Tell your mum either she tells your sister she smacked the Grand kids or you will.
I know we got smacked as kids, but it's not allowed now.
Too be honest the kids themselves will turn round and tell on Granny soon, it will just come out, when one kid hits the other and says well Granny hit us...

Yes, you absolutely have to tell her. I'd want to know if anyone struck my DCs no matter who they are.

I genuinely think that your sister needs to know so that she can decide how much contact your Mum should have now. And perhaps your Mum needs to consider wether she's able to cope with your sister's DCs. If she's needing to smack them to control behaviour, perhaps she's just too tired/old/stressed/fed up to do it.