In thinking it's rude to assume you can visit someone every day without asking!

[Peopleplease]

Have had a few boundary issues with BIL in the past with him just turning up and walking into my house (I would nearly always have the door locked but it freaked me out to hear the handle rattle and once DH didn't lock the door and I walked out of the bedroom to see a figure in the hall and screamed). He was unemployed and bored at home so used to come visit me and his nieces.

Anyway he moved a few months ago and is coming home for a few days to a week I'm not sure.

FIL said he'd call in his way home from the airport (note told me, not asked me) which I let go because I live between the airport and their house so it makes sense.

Anyway DH was at PILs yesterday and apparently BIL plans to visit EVERY fucking day. I get on ok with him but we have nothing in common and I'm having a tough time with the DDs at the moment and don't want him here EVERY day.

DH said something like 'oh people won't be happy with that' and MIL was asking why not!!

Fuck sake. I need to start practicing 'it was great seeing you today, see you again in 2 days time!'

Or do I suck it up because he just wants to see his nieces and usher around that much any more?

It is rude, even though he is clearly oblivious and not malicious at all, and it would drive me mad!

Lock the door, let him wait a good while, then open a crack, and say something like "Oh hi! Did you ring?" When he says he's just dropping by, say that's a shame but it's not a good time and to ring next time. Maybe suggest he drops by dh's work .

I would take advantage of the situation. Tell your husband you have a hair appointment, eye exam, work meeting, kidney transplant, WHATEVER, and get the hell out of the house by yourself for a while. Let him and his brother watch the kids. Then find a nice pub and drink some wine.

YANBU. Just refuse to answer the door.

YANBU. I hate unannounced visitors - especially every day. Either go out or lock the door and pretend to be out. Hopefully in future he will call you to arrange a day and time - to save him the effort of getting to yours to find you not in.

You said he was unemployed so do you mean he has a job now? So why isn't he at work or is he on leave.

Oblivious is the PERFECT description. It's a 20 minute drive from PILs to my house and he'd never call even though there was a chance I wouldn't be home. If I wasn't there he'd call to ask me where I was!! (DH did have words with him about that)

Aqua he'll call during the day before DH gets home so I can't just go out.

banana he has a casual job, I don't really know what the story with leave is to be honest. They might have just told him they don't need him for a week and he decided to fly home.

It´s only a week. Go out for a few afternoons and you´ll not have to see him every day.

Take kids out, don't answer door. Simple really.

Door locked, .curtains closed. Hide with the dc upstairs. . Answer the phone saying you aren't in /up to visitors today.
Or you all have d&vbut he is welcome to come in. . .

DH needs to have more words with him.

This should be something your husband deals with not you. I think it his 'someone wont be happy' was a poor response. He should have set boundaries. 'listen brother its a bit much tbh, give us a ring in the week and we can arrange something'. job done.

Seriously, get your DH to tell him no. Just say you don't want a visitor every day, sorry. It's ridiculous. And organise to go over to the pil's so he doesn't need to come to you. Sounds really painful.

You dont have to hide, just don't let him in. Tell him on the doorstep its not convenient. If he's been asked not to visit every day and still does, he's not being friendly.

Why cant you take the kids out without DH?

Just plan days out and go. Arrange to meet other parents at the park so you can legitimately say "Oh, BIL, wished you'd called first, we're just on our way out, bye!" (I believe there's a MNer who's Nan would always pop her coat before opening the front door, if it was someone she wanted to see she'd say that she'd just got in herself, if it was someone she didn't want to see she'd say she was about to leave.)

If I didn't answer the door and my car was outside he'd walk all around the house looking in the windows and it's a bungalow. (He's never done this but I know what he's like).

Then he'd start calling DH because he'd panic about why I wasn't there!

Years ago when DD1 was a baby there had been a bad storm and I had no electricity so I went to my mums for the day. Because of no electricity my phone had died and I'd left my charger at home. I received a phone call on mums house phone from MIL. BIL had decided to visit to see was I ok, I obviously wasn't home. He'd gone shopping and I still wasn't home when he came back and he'd started panicking. He'd called his mother who ended up tracking me down!

What the hell is wrong with this guy? He's way over the top.

he wants to see his nieces? I hear 'free babysitting!" (if he's responsible enough and they're old enough to be left)

I would absolutely hate that.

"he'll call during the day before DH gets home so I can't just go out."

So he can't be left with his nieces?

invisible I can go out (although it's lashing rain here all day every day). It's just another poster said to leave the kids with DH and BIL and I was just saying DH won't be here.

Is he useful with the kids or round the house? Can he clean/tidy/do the shopping/cut the grass? TBH it's only a week, i would suck it up for the sake of the kids (who presumably enjoy having him round?!) but tell him directly he must call when he is coming over.

It's rude.