to still be Mrs. as a widow?

[TrinityRhino]

I've just rung to candle a surveyor about solar panels.

I said I was unwell.

Firstly he said I didn't sound unwell.......dick

And then he said can't your husband deal with the app.?

I said no hes dead...I don't beat about thw bush and hed already annoyed me.

And he said 'oh well we have you down here as Mrs. Shall I change that for you?'

I said no thanks and rung off.

I was cancelling not candling.

Sounds like a complete arsehole. I'm sorry.

And YANBU, you are Mrs even if your DH is sadly no longer here.

You're still a Mrs, if you want to be. He's a dickhead. What was he proposing to change it to anyway?

You're definitely still a Mrs

What did that arse think you should be.

No YANBU. What an idiot. I really wonder about some men at times. It's like they think the year is 1817 not 2017.

He said miss. But I think of that as what my children are known as on formals letters and such.

Not a grown woman.
I just think he had no right to try and force me into the app. anyway.
Twat.

Tbh I thought anyone who's a widow stays mrs until perhaps they remarry

What a horrible man. Isn't everybody Mrs after being widowed? Unless they were always known as Ms? What on earth did he think you should change it to? He was probably just being an arse because you cancelled the appointment and he was put out.

He's a dick. You are a Mrs for as long as you want to be. I'd find another company. And if he asks why you can tell him it's because he's an insensitive, pushy dickhead.

Knob. Maybe he has you down as "The Widow Trinity" now?

You're whatever you want to be. You can be a Mrs, Miss or Ms whether married, divorced, widowed or single.

Thank you for making me sure he was a prick and I wasn't being unreasonable.

I'm not going to rearrange.
I wasn't that bothered anyway.

He is a) incredibly rude b) a rubbish salesman c) ignorant. Widows keep the title Mrs.

There are many many other suppliers. Find a better one.

My divorced grandmother was Mrs Smith until she died - she didn't revert to her maiden name (e.g. Miss Jones), so I'd certainly assume a widow would remain Mrs Brown - Miss Brown would be your daughter.

In any case, you choose your title (I don't think it has any legal standing), and I can fully understand that you'd want to remain Mrs. In short, the surveyor was ensuring you didn't give him any work again.

You definitely weren't being unreasonable Trinity, what a prat.

Nice to see you back on here by the way (have namechanged a few times over the years)

He's also completely wrong. In old-fashioned, formal etiquette, a married woman is addressed as Mrs John Smith while her husband is alive, and as Mrs Susan Smith after he dies.

In the modern world, of course, you can be addressed as whatever you want. I like Supreme Commander, but there isn't generally a dropdown box for that on forms, so I stick with Ms. My marital status is nobody's business but mine.

I've never known anyone to change from Mrs after being widowed. Is it a thing?

Supreme commander sounds freaking epic. I want to be that from now on!!!

DP does surveying for a company (not for solar panels) and I've just read this to him. He says the guy is a dick, you should complain to the company and that he had no right to be so rude and outright offensive.

Fwiw my grannie was widowed and kept her title (in her case it was Lady rather than mrs because granda was knighted but you get the gist) until she died 23 years later. How dare he imply you should drop Mrs because you're widowed, that's really awful.

Of course you're not unreasonable. It is standard to continue to use Mrs as a widow! He sounds rude and unprofessional. I would email his company and say this is why you aren't rebooking the appointment.

Yadnbu

He sounds like a rude prick

The correct response to "my husbands dead" is "I'm sorry" or similar. not to be even ruder than you were before

yanbu
you can call youself ms/mrs/miss - whatever you prefer.

tbh I would be in favour of having only one title for all women (human adult females )

He's wrong about the form of address. It doesn't change for a widow (assuming she took her DH's name and used Mrs).

He's also wrong to try to correct a potential customers preferred title, and hideously insensitive, given the circumstances.

I'm also widowed (though now remarried). Although I took Dh1's name (and still have it) I always used Ms rather than Mrs. But in the few months after his death I quite often ticked Mrs on forms, or referred to myself that way; emotionally I guess it helped me to emphasise that link. I'd have been so upset if someone told me I no longer had a right to that title.

I might complain actually