Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Confused man in the high street, police involved

97 replies

SoSelfConsious · 27/08/2017 16:43

Ok, so I think I did the right thing here but prepared to be told wrong.

Walking through a practically deserted high street earlier today with DD (2). Came across a older man who seemed to be looking for something. I offered help (I've lived in the town all my life so know where most things are) but he kept saying "I don't know where I am, I want to go home". I guessed he had some form of dementia.

There was nowhere open in the high street with it being Sunday (I was walking through as there's a nice park just off the top and I was taking DD there) so I got him sat down on a bench, and another passerby came over offering to help.

We tried to find out where he lived but he kept saying "London" and with the town being around 250 miles from London, thought while plausible highly unlikely thats where he now lives. So the passerby and I decided to call 101 to ask for advice/help as there's no longer a police station in our town.

Hoped the police would tell us where to take him, but they said they'd send an officer down to us from the city which is about 10 miles away. They advised us to take him to the cafe at the local supermarket as it would be open and due to the heat they were worried about him being dehydrated due to the heat.

He had a lovely time with us, and I got chatting to the other lady. The man by this point thought I was his granddaughter and my daughter was his great grandson (I felt bad constantly correcting him and DD didn't care so I let him call her he - she was wearing a grey tshirt and blue shorts with butterflies on but at a distance could easily be mistaken for a boy).

Eventually a plain clothed officer (I assumed to not scare him more?) turned up and said she knew where he was from. As soon as the officer said she was taking him home, he laughed and off he went. I called 101 later and the nursing home were happy to have him back and that he'd got there safely.

When discussing this with a friend she said I shouldn't have bothered the police and instead should of rung round all the local homes and taken him back myself as it was likely he was from one of them. I pointed out there's at least 8 nursing and residential homes that I know of the area, and phoning them could take all day, when the important thing was keeping both him and my DD safe. We did try to find out where he lived (I'd have called the home if I'd have been able to work out where he lived and asked them to collect him).

She said I still did the wrong thing and possibly got the home in trouble if he's managed to escape.

I don't think I was UR, but MN tell me if I was? I'm worried they're all back at the police station laughing at the stupid women who called the police over an old man.

OP posts:
Grumpbum · 27/08/2017 16:45

You did the right thing in my opinion

silverbell64 · 27/08/2017 16:45

I personally think you did exactly the right thing. Why would you call all the care homes in the area?

grandOlejukeofYork · 27/08/2017 16:46

If the police didn't think it was something they should deal with they would not have sent someone to deal with it, it's that simple. They did, so it was.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 27/08/2017 16:47

You did exactly the right thing, he may not have come from a nursing home at all

Viviennemary · 27/08/2017 16:47

You did absolutely the right thing. This is a common occurrence for the police.

lidoshuffle · 27/08/2017 16:48

You did the right thing and thank goodness there are caring people around like you and the other lady.

BossyBitch · 27/08/2017 16:48

You did the right thing, and it's lovely you cared enough to.

ImperialBlether · 27/08/2017 16:48

The nursing home SHOULD be in trouble, though!

Frenchmom · 27/08/2017 16:48

You did exactly the right thing and should be proud of yourself. You rang for help and looked after him until it arrived. Well done.

ReinettePompadour · 27/08/2017 16:48

No, you absolutely did the right thing.

Nursing homes are not prisons, the residents are permitted to leave when they fancy a day out. And the police will always come out to a vulnerable person. He clearly recognised the officer when he went off with them. He probably has form for wandering off.

x2boys · 27/08/2017 16:50

Of course you did the right thing what if he hadent come from.a home also the police have powers under the mental health act to take someone they believe is suffering with a mental illness to a place of safety .

Karmapolicearrestthisman · 27/08/2017 16:51

You did the right thing. If the home is constantly losing residents then other services should definitely be aware.

Glumglowworm · 27/08/2017 16:51

You absolutely did the right thing

Agree with a PP, if the police didn't think it was something for them then they wouldn't have dealt with it.

Due to data protection you might have had difficulty getting homes to confirm if he was a resident with them anyway.

bigbluebus · 27/08/2017 16:51

How were you to know he was from a care home? He may have roamed out of his own house whilst his carer/relative wasn't aware. Of course you were right to call the Police as then it would be logged and anyone reporting him missing would then be told he had been found.

Well done to you OP for being caring and taking the time to help him. Many would have walked on by.

UpLighter · 27/08/2017 16:51

Well done you!

hesterton · 27/08/2017 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgnesNitt1976 · 27/08/2017 16:52

You did the absolutely the right thing.

Unless there is a deprivation of liberty the home cannot stop him from leaving.

CappuccinoSprinkles · 27/08/2017 16:52

Of course you did the right thing. The nursing home would no doubt have called the police had they realised he was gone & he shouldn't be. My local police force often have appeals for help to find vulnerable older people who have gone missing. It's absolutely a police matter.

purpledonkey · 27/08/2017 16:52

If he has dementia he should have been in a locked unit at the nursing home. He would have been very frightened so bloody well done for intervening. Thank god for people like you! Flowers

GreenTulips · 27/08/2017 16:53

You didn't know where he was from or where he lived what else would she suggest?

You did the right thing and maybe the home had already reported him missing

It really annoys me that we pay for a police force yet people assume we are wasting their time when it's part of their remit

They do a great job day in day out and shouldn't be reserved for just serious crime

GrockleBocs · 27/08/2017 16:53

Would a nursing home even tell a random caller that they'd lost track of a resident?

SparklyUnicornPoo · 27/08/2017 16:54

You did the right thing, I'm not sure the nursing homes could even have told you anything about him if you had called anyway, I mean they don't know who you are or that he was really there with you, do they?

101 get ridiculous numbers of calls for far less important things, if they don't feel it's needed they don't send anyone out and if it's not a police issue they will tell you that.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 27/08/2017 16:54

You did the right thing completely, he could have been from anywhere and they are trained.to deal.with situations like this. He could.have been reported as a missing person in which case they wpuld have to be informed anyway. It's very kind of you to stay with him.and look after him, your friend spunds like a tit

Karmapolicearrestthisman · 27/08/2017 16:54

I would've thought advanced dementia pts in a home usually have a DOLs done anyway. It's rather standard..

LoniceraJaponica · 27/08/2017 16:55

You sound lovely. I'm glad there are caring people like you.

Of course you did the right thing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread