to think this was too rough and not 'completely fine'

[mikado1]

Ds needs thrice daily nosedrops at the mo, this is after a week of eaedrops plus oral antibiotics. He's fed up of it and I can understand that. Likewise dh and I also fed up of the cajoling and persuading. Cue this morning, ds lying on my bed chatting, dh comes in, picks him up from behind 'right nose drops' and goes to take him away. Ssh starts shouting and trying to get out of his arms, saying he wants me to do it. Dh continues out to his room and closes door. I hear him say 'This can be very easy' and 'I'm not in the mood for this', so I open door and he's holding a crying ds (5) down to get the drops in. Ds kicks out and gets roared at. I told him I would do it and he left the room. I am really disgusted by this. He says I'm making a big deal that he's become a pain about the drops and we have to hold him down. In my head I was thinking if he wont lie down, it'll be nose drops before telly/playing etc.

Dh has this aggression sometimes and I find myself questioning if I'm being oversemsituve.

You need to back each other up. Sounds like you have allowed a dynamic whereby your son can play one of you off against the other.

You seem to be encouraging this.

Medicine isn't optional. Sometimes children do need to be held to allow it to be administered.

I'm not sure either of you are handling it in a particularly good way tbh.

What @opinionatedfreak said. If the child were in hospital, a nurse wouldn't be fannying around with the pretty pleases. At 5 he is old enough to understand he needs the medicine to get better.

I had to have nose spray and eye drops when I was younger and I hated it. However, if I was not pinned down and essentially forced I would not have taken them. Sounds like he was losing his temper which is not ok but your child also has to understand that it is happening whether they like it or not

I've held my daughter down to administer medicine both in hospital and at home.

If he's been prescribed it, he needs to take it.

Your DH losing his temper is not ok but I can understand being sick of fannying around cajoling a child to take medication.

Two different approaches, that's all. Your dh wasn't out of order.

Some parents feel that a quick hold down and get it over with is best.

Others see the physical overpowering as a violation and won't hold them down.

Both are valid. You just need to discuss and agree on your approach. Either way he needs to have the medicine.

I agree with the pp's, you need to agree before doing stuff like this on how you're going to approach it.

DS2 takes asthma medication and when he was small would dick about and refuse his inhalers. DH would get fired up because it wasn't optional, DS2 realised if he dicked about he could wind up DH so did it more, DH eventually realised that shouting got him nowhere and we went with "you can't do x, y or z unless you've had your inhalers". You both have to agree, though, or your DS will realise that you don't back one another up.

I'm with your dh on this one. No nonsense approach needed. No fucking about.

I'd have tried persuading first, and only held him down if necessary.

Exactly whoo, and that would have been my route too. Yes I see it as a violation but have you read the stsrt-ds wasn't asked or cajoled, he was picked up from behind and removed from where he was, no warning. I agree we should agree beforehand and that ds can see we're coming from different sides but I left them to it until I heard scuffles and then felt I had to open the door. Dh lost it and that's my gripe, a calm, clinical hold down if necessary I can understand more. I know what pp are saying that there's no option so get on with it but ds doesn't get that so yes he feels held against his (pretty strong) will.

Your DH handled it badly. He didn't tell DS it needed to be done & give him the opportunity to do it willingly. He swooped in, scooped him up, carted him away & pinned him down. That has to be a bit scary for DS :( Unacceptable.

I will tell them it's time to take their meds/drops/inhalers and give them the chance to co operate, then I will warn them they can do it the easy way (co-operate) or the hard way (I'll hold them down), but it is not negotiable, it needs to be taken/done. Their choice how that's achieved. All done in 2 minutes, no pissing about, I haven't the patience to spend half an hour cajoling them and they don't need it to be such a drawn out big deal either.

I hate the sound of this but remember when my dd had an operation on her ear that needed drops administered for weeks after. There was a real danger she could have lost her hearing in that ear due to previous ear infection and burst ear drum. She fought those drops like a tiger but I held her down and put them in. What else could I do? Even if I tried to put them in when she was asleep she'd wake up. It was horrible and I hate thinking about it, but at least she still has her hearing in that ear.

I should think as well OP that your DH was dreading the drops palaver so just stormed in to get it done. I know I have felt like that. Just get it done!

Yeah I think your DH was probably frustrated with the whole thing. We all get exasperated now and then. I've had to pin my both my DSs down at one stage to administer drops/antibiotics. It's miserable for everybody but at least quick (although I have found that now ds 6 can be bought with Lego mini figures).

It does sound like your DP was a bit rougher than I would have liked and definitely something that you should have mentioned at a LATER time WITHOUT your son being around. It sounds like you didn't back your partner up, and actually suggested to your son that his reaction was OK and he is OK to refuse his father.
Medicine is not optional. I don;t think your method of bargaining sounds great either tbh but that is just my opinion.
Two different parenting methods, but the important thing here is that you overruled your husband infront of your son which should never be done IMO.

I can't be doing the cajoling bit. Best over quickly and if you had backed up your dh it would have been done and dusted.

holding down feels wrong of course but sometimes it just has to be done.

Chat about next time with your dh but work together. Your ds is obviously fine

I've never heard of nosedrops being prescribed- what are they for?

He should have at least said "come on medicines" but too much faffing and "come in darling so this then we can..." type approach probably isn't helpful in most cases.

I have had to do more than my fair share of pinning down of ds for various treatments over the years - at 7 he now takes his various (15 a day) medicines with no issue so the pinning down hasn't had any negative effects there just helped to reinforce that medicine isn't optional and that making a fuss won't change the fact it needs doing!

My doctor says to pin them down but give them loads of praise while you're doing it. So, "Well done DS you're doing amazing. That's a good boy. You're so brave, you're going to feel so much better". That sort of thing.

bertrand My dd has nasal steroids prescribed for post nasal drip and polyps.

I think violation is a bit ott. .

Spending time persuading ime just gives the time to work themselves up into a frenzy and it becomes much worse.
There was nothing that persuades dd2 and ds for medicine they don't want except knowing that they will have it eventually and so it's better to give way.

I think you need to explain to your DS that he needs to have the nose drops and show him how you will be doing it. (Use his teddy to demonstrate). Then just do it to him, talking him through each stage.

Holding him down is unnecessary IMO.

bert DS has a daily nose spray as part of allergy/asthma treatment plan.