to think this was too rough and not 'completely fine'

[mikado1]

Ds needs thrice daily nosedrops at the mo, this is after a week of eaedrops plus oral antibiotics. He's fed up of it and I can understand that. Likewise dh and I also fed up of the cajoling and persuading. Cue this morning, ds lying on my bed chatting, dh comes in, picks him up from behind 'right nose drops' and goes to take him away. Ssh starts shouting and trying to get out of his arms, saying he wants me to do it. Dh continues out to his room and closes door. I hear him say 'This can be very easy' and 'I'm not in the mood for this', so I open door and he's holding a crying ds (5) down to get the drops in. Ds kicks out and gets roared at. I told him I would do it and he left the room. I am really disgusted by this. He says I'm making a big deal that he's become a pain about the drops and we have to hold him down. In my head I was thinking if he wont lie down, it'll be nose drops before telly/playing etc.

Dh has this aggression sometimes and I find myself questioning if I'm being oversemsituve.

When I read your OP I got the feeling your DH was trying to "surprise" him into it so your son didn't have chance to overreact. Fannying around trying to get meds into kids is only cute for about 30 seconds.

The problem isn't really the drops, it's the fact your son has already learnt he can play you off against each other. Absent any actual abuse, parenting requires a united front. You say you wanted to bribe him to have them - how is that any better than what your DH did? Did you ask DH if he was ok with bribery or do you just assume that as you are the mother, your way is always better.

Medications are non-negotiable. No twatting about and reasoning, they need them therefore they get them. In my vast experience of ear/nose drops, the quicker you pin them down and get them in, the quicker the fuss stops.

Bertrand my daughter had nose drops after grommets due to a persistent infection.

Wombling and others

I see your point about the united front argument, but how is it a united front if the DH took it upon himself to handle the child that way without discussing it with the OP?

The OP says herself that the DH "has this aggression sometimes". That could make it hard to discuss things normally.

Is it the right kind of united front if one parent gets to make the decsion and the other cannot disagree?

But Circus, she would have handled it her way (bribery) without discussing it. If a father had posted this exact thread, he would have been ripped a new one and told that discipline was none of his business.

So many threads on here at the moment could be sorted by women refusing to be the default parent, and yet it seems women actually want to be, and get pissy when their child's father does anything that they haven't expressly permitted .

I think the difference is that holding down a child and forcing medicine on them is a big escalation of normal everyday parenting. I'm pretty sure that bargaining or threatening consequences for certain behaviour is pretty normal parenting.

The situation seems to be that the DH was already angry and wound up and swept in and manhandled the child in an angry and forceful manner and "roaring" at him. I'd be concerned if I saw anyone doing that to someone else.

Afterwards the DH didn't express regret for 'losing his temper' but rather seems to think that this is the way to do it (ie with anger) every time.

I think this is the OP's concern; that it will be handled angrily rather than using calm restraint as a last but sometimes necessary resort.

and also to wombling I don't agree that the DH would have been told that disclipline was none of his business. Some might have said that but I don't believe all would have.

I suppose had 'my way' been the approach, it wouldn't have resulted in a very distressed and indignant child. I've done it 3times since-pop your head on my lap there, done. I have however told dh I will back him on it if necessary while also letting ds know no messing around is on. 're bargaining/bribing/revoking privileges - I just see it as an order of events, like 'when your coat's on then you can go outside'...hardly a bribe but that's neither here nor there. Better go, lunchtime drops needed!