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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit frustrated by holiday mate?

54 replies

doricgirl · 27/08/2017 10:42

On holiday with a family we are friends with - initially met through both wives working together and since both had kids - theirs now preschool, ours just toddling.

I know preschool is a tough age too and am totally prepared to be told IABU but finding it hard that dad if preschooler is so focused on him that there is no thought for anyone else. My husband had to leave separately to us to come home as he's going via a conference so am currently standing on train to airport with baby asleep on my back having lugged all our luggage here myself. Focused dad has a seat, and when one came free gave it to the preschooler...my friend who can't really carry things due to disability has offered to help loads but focussed dad not once though he has a walking kid and one bag...

Kind of compounded by earlier in the trip he asked is to give him the group train ticket so they could go ahead and definitely get the train as he didn't want to be on there without a ticket... me, husband and baby were in a supermarket queue and would have had to buy a new ticket...

So although overall I've had a lovely time AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

doricgirl · 27/08/2017 10:43

Just to say those are the tip of the iceberg not isolated incidents and I am grumpy in the heat...

OP posts:

NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 10:46

"Focused" is one word for it. Selfish/inconsiderate/impolite are others. Is he being massively unreasonable for sorting out his own child? Maybe not, but he isn't being very kind or inclusive. I think the answer is not to go on a joint holiday again.

Amammi · 27/08/2017 10:50

Are you redirecting your grumpiness at your own partner leaving you to cope alone? It's nice he wants to look after his child and not his fault your making the return the trip alone. Also have you asked our straight for help with you bags etc or just seething that he hasn't noticed you would appreciate a hand?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 27/08/2017 10:56

I agree, he's being selfish. It's plain inconsiderate and rude to give a free seat to his child when you are standing with a baby.

I'm surprised his wife hasn't commented and pulled him up on it though?

Mumof56 · 27/08/2017 11:00

He had a kid and a bag, yet you're annoyed he didn't carry your bags too?

His wife is unable to help carry stuff due to her disability, So this man shoukd carry everyone's stuff and mind a preschooler?

YABU It wasn't his decision that your husband had to make other travel arrangements.

gingerbeerd · 27/08/2017 11:16

If that was an isolated event I could understand your frustration but I wouldn't hold it against him. If there's more like you say, I could get why you'd be peeved at him.

MargaretTwatyer · 27/08/2017 11:20

I can understand why you're annoyed about the seat. But not carrying the bags.

I also think he was right to be irritated with you about missing the train because you wanted to buy something.

flumpybear · 27/08/2017 11:20

Bloody inconsiderAte fuck wit!! You're not BU at all

thatdearoctopus · 27/08/2017 11:21

I remember something similar once. Dh had had to leave an event early, leaving me with a 2 and 4 year old, plus large bag. Bil/Sil/Mil (all three of them) were fussing round dniece.

MargaretTwatyer · 27/08/2017 11:21

Are you without seats because your scheduled train was missed?

NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 11:21

Isn't there pretty much an unwritten rule that if you're out as a group with a group of children then everyone mucks in to help? If I'm out with friends and their children, then I won't just sort out my own kids. I'll make sure everyone is okay. And I'd expect friends to do the same for me and mine.

Mumof56 · 27/08/2017 11:37

Isn't there pretty much an unwritten rule that if you're out as a group with a group of children then everyone mucks in to help?

There is an unwritten rule that you don't bring more luggage that you can handle and expect other people to carry it for you.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/08/2017 11:42

Jesus there are some wanky gits on MN this morning.

doricgirl no, YANBU, he sounds like a complete twat. He could have easily helped you with some of your luggage and given you his seat. Any decent person would have and without needing to be asked.

Just thank fuck you're not the one married to the twat.

NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 11:48

It's not just about the luggage, though, is it? He could have helped with the other child. Or offered a seat to his friend with a baby on her back, even just by putting his child on his lap. I did that on the train the other day for a total stranger - it's not exactly an enormous imposition. It just requires a couple of seconds of concern for someone else; in this case, a friend rather than a stranger.

Mumof56 · 27/08/2017 11:49

Yes he should have carried all the luggage for 4 adults and 2 children, looked after his child and given you his seat

While op swings her arms and op's husband disappears, not caring too much how his wife and child got home.

Why didn't you husband bring the luggage OP? He could have stashed it in hotel reception at his conference.

Original poster

doricgirl · 27/08/2017 11:52

I thought I was probably being a bit unreasonable myself tbh.

Though to clarify:
No issue with my husband not traveling with us have done trips with DD myself before and it's no issue
Absolutely don't expect anyone to carry my bags - though can see I might have come across as thinking that - it's more just not walking too fast and getting on and off
trains so I'm not always trailing behind - my friend can manage the preschooler just not carry stuff
Tickets were a different day when we ALL decided to go to the supermarket together but we happened to bebehind them in the queue -and we didn't miss it anyway it was more the gesture of asking for the ticket
It is indeed a pattern of being inconsiderate from my POV to the point of telling his son my DD couldn't have any of a box of crackers as his DS needed them all and just generally being v grumpy

So I am probably a bit grumpy too though...

Currently wondering why I gave the baby a croissant in a clean airport 😬

OP posts:

Original poster

doricgirl · 27/08/2017 11:53

And I planned the luggage so I could carry it and my husband took most of it to his conference but I had the baby stuff

OP posts:

NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 11:53

Why didn't you husband bring the luggage OP?

He probably assumed someone would help her - as he probably would have done himself had the situations been reversed. I suspect neither he nor the OP will make that assumption again. Lesson learned and all that.

SparklyLeprechaun · 27/08/2017 11:55

Not giving you a seat is bloody rude. Helping with the luggage not so much. I travel light and it pisses me right off when I have to wait around or help friends who have brought 2 suitcases for a weekend break.

The train ticket bit I don't understand, were you going to be late for the train because you were shopping? That's not on.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 27/08/2017 12:00

I think it's rude not to help with bags. If I were with a group and I had less luggage than someone else I would offer to carry some of theirs. I'm sure the OP can carry hers, but that doesn't matter, I'd still offer.

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/08/2017 12:01

If you're standing on the train with a baby go and stand by the priority seating and either ask or wait for someone to offer.

FrancisCrawford · 27/08/2017 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 12:19

The train ticket bit I don't understand, were you going to be late for the train because you were shopping? That's not on.

I understood it as both families having gone to the supermarket together, with a view to then going on to catch the train together (hence there was a group ticket). The other family had completed the checkout process first and, rather than wait for the OP's family, the DH asked for the group ticket, potentially meaning that the OP's family would not only be on a different train, but would have had to buy themselves a new ticket.

Mumof56 · 27/08/2017 12:23

If I were with a group and I had less luggage than someone else I would offer to carry some of theirs

Who would you think would have more luggage- a family of 3 or 1 toddler?

Waitingonasmile · 27/08/2017 12:42

That does sound frustrating but I think it's depends on ages of children. If baby is under 1 then they are quite easy to move about. If pre-schooler is 3 then they can be a nightmare escaping and playing up.

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