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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to not wear hot pants and boob tube? he asked me to wear them!

98 replies

Nat123xxx · 27/08/2017 09:04

I've literally been on two dates with him.
I don't even fancy him but I thought I would give him a chance just incase and because I thought I might as well.
After the first date he said ,we will go to the beach for our next date it would be great if you wore a boob tube and hot pants.
I jokingly said "1995 has called and thinks your idea of a good outfit is atrocious"
I met him yesterday and he actually seemed disappointed I wasn't wearing hot pants ..it was 2pm and about 16 degrees.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking but would this annoy you to the point you wouldn't see him again?

OP posts:
Notevilstepmother · 27/08/2017 10:35

Don't date someone you don't fancy.

Run from any man who tries to tell you what to wear.

The right man for you is one who thinks you are gorgeous even in your oldest jeans and t shirt that you wouldn't leave the house in.

Try to move on from your ex yourself instead of having to replace him.

MsHarry · 27/08/2017 10:44

I wouldn't have met up with him.

ForalltheSaints · 27/08/2017 10:47

I know a lot of people in this country have no fashion sense, but this man is beyond that. Have some dignity and end any possible relationship.

indigox · 27/08/2017 11:02

The thing is I don't want to waste time crying of a ex who isn't bothered about me in the slightest when I could meet someone genuine

Not dating, staying single and spending time alone isn't sitting there crying over an ex. Sometimes you just need to wait to be ready and accept that you're doing it for yourself, not your ex. As you're dating people you don't seem to particularly like you need time alone to get some value of your self worth and what you want out of a relationship.

After my ex left I dated someone around the 4-5 month mark, the guy was lovely but it was terrible, I just wanted that guy to be my ex, kissing someone that wasn't him was heartbreaking, I just wasn't over him and it was going to happen quicker by dating. Fast forward 6 months and I started dating again,, the feelings about the ex were gone, I date the people I actually like and want to be with, rather than just anyone who can fill the gap my ex left.

Nat123xxx · 27/08/2017 11:08

(Indigox) that's pretty much how I feel.
The funny thing is my ex (who I feel sad over)
Wasn't even a catch,lazy,bad habits (spitting in street one of them) lived at home etc etc
So why I even fell so hard for him I don't even know

OP posts:
PumbletonWakeshaft · 27/08/2017 11:34

I did this when I went dating after splitting up with a long term boyfriend, about 10 years ago. I was so flattered that someone picked me, I went on dates with ridiculous people who I would never have been attracted to in RL. I followed one guy around Brighton in the rain as he wanted to find a pub that was showing the football, which he then watched over my shoulder the whole date!

Then there was another one who had lied about being a smoker and after the date asked me to drive him 25 miles home as he didn't have the money for the train.

Then there was the former bankrupt who shared his mum's granny flat at the foot of his brother's garden and thought he might possibly have a son from a previous relationship but wasn't sure. He also cried regularly (and I think lied through his teeth about his past career).

I wish I'd had the wherewithal and self-esteem to tell these twats to fuck off at the time. I think I was so concerned with giving everyone a chance that I forgot to be even slightly critical, even when alarm bells should have been ringing loudly in my ears!

As it happens, I then gave up dating and waited until I was much more sorted in myself.A year later I signed up to match, and found my husband to be on my first date (who is lovely, normal, funny, kind and I didn't have to compromise on a thing). We've been married 4 years and have a gorgeous DS.

PoorYorick · 27/08/2017 11:52

OP, you need help amd I mean that kindly. You're still crying over a six month relationship that ended nine months ago, and you yourself say he wasn't even a catch and you don't know why you liked him. Now you've met a sleazebag whom you can't stand, and you're starting threads and going on dates rather than booting him without a thought.

I don't know, do you have some sort of martyr mindset? The world won't reward you for it, it will just keep sending crap men. You're not helpless, you have choices and you need to start making good ones without waiting for permission.

C0untDucku1a · 27/08/2017 11:57

Op it sounds like you have very low self esteem. I dont fhink you should be dating at all at the moment. Can you instead throw your energies into friends / fun classes / night courses / going for promotion?

Ladymadness · 27/08/2017 11:59

I would NOPE out of there sharpish !
He sounds like he just wants to oggle at you the perv

MehMehAndMeh · 27/08/2017 12:12

You are picking no hopers because you think that's all you deserve. Then when it doesn't work out (which it won't because they are no hopers) you blame yourself and resolve to put up with even more shitty treatment than before.
A relationship can never work on those terms because you keep picking deeply unpleasant and damaged people who are happy with their world and don't want it to change.

Take some time away from saying and get some therapy to work out why you keep setting yourself up to fail and are so insistent on self sabotage.

MehMehAndMeh · 27/08/2017 12:12

Dating not saying

Nat123xxx · 27/08/2017 12:32

I think because all my friends are married /kids weekends are lonely.
So I would rather be on dates and getting out etc then being sat in on my own feeling sad.
I think that's why I was so fixated on my ex because he got me out again and I felt happy.

OP posts:
Nat123xxx · 27/08/2017 12:33

All my hobbies and interests include spending money unfortunately

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 27/08/2017 12:34

You don't need a man to get out. There are plenty of activities, hobbies, places to go that you can do with a friend (none of your friends can go on a mate date with you? I'm married with a child and I manage it, I'm out tonight in fact) or on your own.

Walkinglikeazombie · 27/08/2017 12:35

NEXT!

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 12:36

I think that's why I was so fixated on my ex because he got me out again and I felt happy.

Is there any reason why you can't get out and do things on your own?

Nat123xxx · 27/08/2017 13:03

I go out a lot on my own,day trips/shopping/beach/park etc but sometimes I like some company to go for a meal or a few drinks.
I'm not the type of person who could go out on her own to say a restaurant and eat alone.
I need to work on that.

OP posts:
Nat123xxx · 27/08/2017 13:04

I think it's more me being self conscious going to a bar/restaurant alone.
I wouldn't think twice about hopping on a train somewhere different for the day.

OP posts:
YellowLawn · 27/08/2017 13:07

meeting people (not just men) 'clubs' from neighbourhood associations. ours has music, reading, gardening, hiking...
again local libraries do courses of all sorts.
pub quizzes often have a mix&match table...

JetBoyJetGirl · 27/08/2017 13:19

I'm not the type of person who could go out on her own to say a restaurant and eat alone.

Find your brave and do it. Because once you realise that you can do anything you want on your own, you will be less concerned about finding a man.

You need to step outside of your comfort zone. Self esteem is not raised by doing things that are easy to us.

C0untDucku1a · 27/08/2017 14:52

Then try new hobbies and youll make more
Friends. Relying on finding a man so you can live your life makes you incredibly
Vulnerable.

CityBoy1984 · 27/08/2017 14:56

@Nat123xxx

TBC, how hot are the pants? If only sort of "fresh out of the tumble dryer" hot, then yes, YABU.

FizzyGreenWater · 27/08/2017 15:05

'I like my women sexy as hell'

😂😂😂😂

OP I know it's not really a funny situation overall but that is hysterical. He's delusional.

You should have adapted that Eddie Izzard joke in reply- 'I like my men like I like my coffee...

...in a plastic cup'

😁😁😁😁😁

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