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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To avoid my sister for the rest of the holiday

115 replies

LegoWalker · 26/08/2017 22:20

A bit of background first
I have never really gotten along with my sister. When we were kids she was very competitive and my mum's favourite and she used to use this to make sure that me and my brother were always in trouble for things.

After we married and had DCs we only really saw each other for Christmas and birthdays.
The I left my exh and we started talking a bit more and she took more of an interest in my life. However she can still be competitive especially around the DCs. Anything my DCs do hers did earlier/faster/better. Also My sister home schools and she always feels the need to tell me how much better it is when compared to state schools , so I tend to avoid bringing up stuff my DCs do.

So my sister contacted us and arranged for us all to go on a family holiday this weekend. So me and my 4 DCs (12,8,6 and 1), my sister and her husband and their 2 DCs (14,10) and my brother.
Each family has their own caravan and the plan is to split the days so we spend sometime all together and that the adults all get a break away from the DCs.

So we arrived yesterday morning, and yesterday afternoon/evening I looked after all the DCs and my sister and her husband had some alone time. I took them out and fed them and everything went well.

This afternoon was my turn without the DCs so I dropped my DCs off with my sister and went out. My sister called me earlier saying she wanted me to pick up my DCs now because they weren't behaving.
So I arrived to pick them up and she pretty much threw them at me and DD2 was crying. My sister also looked very angry and stressed. I asked what had happened and my sister said they wouldn't join in and DS1 in particular had been very rude and she was very disappointed in them. I made the DCs apologise and took them back to our caravan.

So I asked DS1 (12) first what happened. He said that my sister wanted them to play a quiz game. She had piles of questions already chosen and she split them into teams her DCs against mine. Then she made DS1 and her 14 year old go against each other but when DS1 started winning she made them stop halfway through the questions.

Then it was her 10 year old against my DDs. DS1 said the questions were really hard and were all in a subject that her 10 year old has a special interest in. It's also a topic that they don't really teach in schools. My DDs lost and this time they finished their pile of questions which meant that overall my sister's DCs team had the most points. My sister then brought out prizes for the winners and nothing for my DCs. Then she said they would play the game again with the same teams.

DD2 (6) asked if they could play something else and my sister said no. DS1 asked if they could mix the team's and my sister said no. DS1 said that this wasn't fair and his team was never going to win. My sister said it was my DDs fault for not trying hard enough which upset them because they had tried their best.
My sister said that really it was my fault then because I sent them to a school which meant their best wasn't good enough. DD2 started crying and then my sister shouted at her for spoiling the day. DS1 said that my sister spoilt the day by rigging the game so her DCs would win. My sister then shouted at him too and then she called me to come and get them. Then she told her DCs to go in the bedroom away from mine so they didn't learn how not to behave.

I then talked to my DDs separately and they have told me pretty much the same story. I text my sister and asked her what happened and she replied that they wouldn't play nicely and were bad losers and I needed to have a serious think about their behaviour because her DCs never act like that because they don't pick up bad habits in school and work hard at learning.

So would I be unreasonable to text her and suggest that the families do their own thing for a bit tomorrow to give everyone some space. Admittedly I am pretty sure the DCs are telling the truth DS1 has ASD and is very honest. Plus the DDs story matched up as well. But I'm not sure if I should push my sister to talk about it or just let it go.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 26/08/2017 23:46

She has always been like this even when we were kids so I'm used to her acting like this.

Well your children aren't so do your own thing for the rest of your life holiday.

viques · 26/08/2017 23:48

You could be really passive aggressive and make your children huge badges to wear for the rest of the holiday. The badges could say things like Most Truthful Child, Most Supportive Sibling, Most Emotionally Mature Child, Best Anti Bully Defender............

Butterymuffin · 26/08/2017 23:56

I wouldn't leave because I don't see why your kids should have their holiday cut short, but I would completely ignore her for the rest of the time and when she asks why I'd say 'You know perfectly well why I'm not happy with you. Me and the kids will be spending the rest of the time by ourselves'.

JayneAusten · 27/08/2017 00:04

I'd text her and just say, 'Chatted to the kids and am convinced they did their best in a difficult set of circumstances. We're going to do our own thing tomorrow as they deserve a bit of fun' and then just loosely connect until it's time to go home and never, ever do this again.

Tryittheotherway · 27/08/2017 00:12

She sounds vile!

MrsJamesAspey · 27/08/2017 00:14

Sorry but your sister is nuts.

Mind can be too sometimes but not quite that bad, and we have to see her for the sake of my parents, so my kids and I take bets before we see them about what batshit she's going to come out with this time, which helps lighten the mood whilst we're with her and then we make jokes about it afterwards.

I'd jokingly give your kids some tests over breakfast tomorrow just to lighten the situation and then spend the day as far away from your sister as you can.

GreenTulips · 27/08/2017 00:21

Wow - she's raising really arrogant kids or kids that will wildly rebel when older

She needs to get a life

LindyHemming · 27/08/2017 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fannydaggerz · 27/08/2017 00:38

I would go back to speaking at birthdays and Christmas.

PastaOfMuppets · 27/08/2017 00:41

Halfway through your backstory I wondered why you hadn't just told her to her face til she was forced to admit it that your sister is painful, ridiculous and utterly pathetic.

Having read this full story I agree you need to keep your DCs away from her as she is a rancid excuse for a human being. However, I'd also let rip at her (with no DCs around to witness it) and tell her exactly what I think of her and her projected insecurities.

Her poor DCs. Have you spoken to your brother?

PurpleMinionMummy · 27/08/2017 00:43

Yabu to only want to avoid her for the rest of the holiday.

I don't think i could ignore what she's done, I'd have to text and say the dc's explained what happened and it's thoroughly unacceptable behaviour from an adult. I'm not sure I could resist make a sly dig about how you didn't realise how much home education had in common with state schooling what with both seeming determined to upset kids with stupid, vigorous, unnecessary testing and let her put that in her pipe and explode in rage smoke it

Mittens1969 · 27/08/2017 01:16

That's really horrible, and how childish actually, the way your sister argued with your DS1; she didn't like the fact that he was right so asked you to come and collect your DCs.

Her poor DCs, being subjected to her teaching as well; she sounds very insecure, otherwise why does she have to work so hard at proving that her DCs are better than yours because they're being homeschooled?

I would definitely give her a wide berth, and not have her look after your DCs again, her ego seems to be all that matters to her.

Nuttynoo · 27/08/2017 01:26

She was gaslighting your kids and being emotionally abusive. Strongly suggest you either kick her out or go somewhere else.

MamaBear001 · 27/08/2017 01:43

She sounds disgusting and you should show your DC you will not tolerate this treatment towards them from ANYONE.

Your kids sound great though speaking up for themselves and your eldest DS sounds like an ace big brother!

Cut her out!

YouRat · 27/08/2017 01:53

What a loon
Don't let your dc near her again. Do your own thing till you leave on Monday.
Also If she mentions academia again. Tell her to stick to her own kids and leave yours well alone.

ClemDanfango · 27/08/2017 01:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PollytheDolly · 27/08/2017 02:46

Just because you're used to her abusive behaviour does not mean it carries on OP. Rid yourself of this awful person, sister or not.

Sadistic.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 27/08/2017 02:54

A nutter! So insecure about the home schooling that she has to rig a quiz in order to show off & feel smug.
At least your DC saw through it and are probably further ahead in the common sense stakes.
Definitely avoid her and just get on with enjoying your holiday with your DC,

Areyoureallykidding · 27/08/2017 03:35

Obviously OP this is a long standing situation. The DCs are the ones affected by this and of course, you are also.

I would stay away for the remainder of the holiday and never speak to the bitch again (if that were me anyhow).

SnowiestMountain · 27/08/2017 04:19

Gosh that's horrible. I'd definitely avoid and not go on holiday with them again!

Only1scoop · 27/08/2017 04:40

Awful

Yes do your own thing with your own dc

Is your Bro about? What's he like?

KC225 · 27/08/2017 04:53

What an awful thing to do to young children. I would be furious. She definitely needs pulling up over it but not in front of the children. She should really apologise to your children but I doubt that would happen. She owes you an apology too.

Give your children a fun day out and do everything you can to avoid your cruel sister. You know now not to leave them alone with her again.

MeanwhileWayBackATtheRANCH · 27/08/2017 05:34

Do not leave your children alone with this woman again.

My sister was a bully when we were children and she was a bully to my children when she got them alone. Thank goodness they were only with her a few times. btw; besides being a bully, my sister sufferers from intense jealousy of everyone and everything.

I wouldn’t bother confronting her, just protect your children from her in the future.

Cagliostro · 27/08/2017 05:45

Yikes YANBU at all

coriliavijvaad · 27/08/2017 06:07

What a nasty piece of work. She is obviously unsuitable to look after your children as she gets pleasure from making them feel bad and has no interest in treating them fairly or kindly. So all further reciprocal childcare plans obviously need to be cancelled.

A holiday of mostly keeping each family to themselves with occasional bits all together only so far as you can stand it for seems the best way to survive.

And never agree to a group holiday with her again

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